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No I don't want to spend my free time babysitting your kid.

I have an awesome life - I made it in a way that I don't work a lot during the week, mostly passive income. I spend my days going for walks with my dog, studying for another degree, planning vacations, watching movies, reading etc. the other week my friend called me because his wife was in a hospital ( she’s pregnant with their second baby). He was like ‘ ugh it’s just so much , I can’t get a minute to myself, and I was thinking who could come and help me and obviously thought of you- you’re not working anyway right?’ screams inside I made up an excuse, because I’m afraid saying ‘Just be because I made my life in a way to have free time, doesn’t mean I did it so I would watch your kid’, would basically finish our friendship. I mean, the balls of the guy! Can you imagine me calling him, or anyone, for that matter and being like - ‘here just come and do my house chores FOR FREE, just because I can’t be bothered to take care of my shit. Ugh. Anyway, rant over.

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Answers (14)

So your friends pregnant wife is in hospital and he's asked for your help with to do a once off baby sitting of their child because he is overwhelmed and probably worried about his wife and unborn baby and wants to be with them and you don't want to inconvenience yourself and miss out on a dog walk, which you could do with a child in tow.

You don't sound like a friend at all and I completely understand why he wouldn't take your reason for refusal well and why it would end your friendship.

Friends help out when they are in a position to do so in times of need, even when doing so causes a small amount of inconvenience.

You seem like a jerk.

That's fair enough. People shouldn't have kids if they can't manage without help. I sure don't want to look after my friends kids for any reason. I got my own!

You sound like a crappy friend. You've got your life the way you want it which is great. But there's no guarantees in life. One day you may need help from a friend. You might not have any left to ask.

I don’t know - I believe in karma so I would’ve helped. My mates and family know they can depend on me and I know if I need help they’re there - “it takes a village”.

If you don't want to help say no and get over it. People are allowed to ask for things. If they react badly when you say no, THAT'S rude. But there's no harm in asking.

  I feel like in this case since his wife is in the hospital getting ready to give birth it is a pretty special/important reason to ask for help ! But, If he were always asking for help & it is one-sided then that’s different. Why do people have the “right” to ask? That kind of sounds like entitlement. That reminds me of my neighbor that always asks me to watch her kids for free. And my husband travels two weeks at a time and I have three kids of my own. I feel like that is a lot to expect from somebody!
helpful (1) 

That's funny. I have just started 3 weeks leave to spend time with my kids and not pay for vacation care.
I have had one mum ask if I could have her kid for a full day 2-3 times during this time so she can book up extra clients (her kid goes to vacation care other days, meh book another) and another wanting to drop her two kids over because she does family daycare and can than book more kids in to her family daycare.
Auctually I have booked a vacation care day next week so I can have a day to myself (even if it is wrapping presents and getting ready for holiday)
Does this bloke not realise women handle this shit all the time. Is he expecting to off load the kid daily or just have you call in for an hour or two while he goes to the hospital? I would do the later. He sounds like he just needs to figure his shit out, of course he is over whelmed, he has probably never had to deal with his kid for more than an hour at a time on his own! one of those blokes that expects women to come swooping in with child care offers and cooked meals.

Unless of course his wife is literally on her death bed. If that was the case I would assume you wouldn't be writing this.

 I will do one day a week looking after someone else's kids in holidays, assuming it will be a fun play date, if the kid is likely to cause fights all day then I say no.
helpful (0) 
 My kids play well together. I consider this family time (even if I am currently hiding on my phone having a coffee while they go crazy with the hose in the garden.
helpful (0) 

What the heck, I thought maybe you were going to say they needed help because he had to go to the hospital but just because he is feeling overwhelmed. That’s just insane. I’m a sahm and I don’t expect help when my friends have free time 🙄. I used to have others try to get me to babysit for an entire weekend because hey I had the weekend off but I needed that time to study.. I’m completely annoyed with his assumptions, like you owe him a hand.

With some people, once you say yes, they expect you to do it again and again. We finally said yes to looking after our horribly behaved nieces in the school holidays. Now every holidays we are asked to have them for a few days. We say no, we have plans. My sister in law dumps her bratty kids because she needs a break from them. Unfair.

Weird that childless people come onto a forum targeted at stay at home mothers tho complain about how hard they have it as childless people because they’re friends with kids ask them to babysit lol. Agreed though, kids were your choice, so don’t make them someone else’s problem- my sister dumps hers on me all the time and never returns the favour.

 Weird mother’s think childless women are selfish
helpful (0) 
 I would consider the person posting the question very selfish, but I can't imagine why anyone would care. I think she has too much time on her hands.
helpful (0) 
 The blog website is called stay at home mum, that doesn't mean only stay at home mums are allowed. She has saving tips for everyone!
helpful (0) 
 The blog website is called stay at home mum, that doesn't mean only stay at home mums are allowed. She has saving tips for everyone!
helpful (0) 
 Stay at home mum is the website name!
Pretty sure the saving advice is for everyone, it's not only for stay at home mums

helpful (0) 
 Stay at home mum is the website name!
Pretty sure the saving advice is for everyone, it's not only for stay at home mums

helpful (0) 
 The blog website is called stay at home mum, that doesn't mean only stay at home mums are allowed. She has saving tips for everyone!
helpful (0) 

My neiece only speak to me every few months. But always want me to baby sit..

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Oh my god. I feel your pain. So i have a babysitter on wednesdays. This is so i can go to physio, go to the heated pool at the hospital, go grocery shopping and hobble around doing housework while i am recovering from illness. Scummy neighbour asks what im doing that day. I tell her then goes "oh great so you are free to babysit then"
No im not. She then argued over the fact and said that i literally just said i was free. No im free for coffee. I am not free to babysit. She then questioned what time my appointment was and continued trying to manipulate me.
Ffs why cant people just hire one like i do. Lady you can afford to catch taxis to places most people would walk to so you can afford a sitter. Dammit

If it is an emergency it is ok for me to babysit, but my friend asked me to watch her children so she can go to a party wit her husband....I am afraid If I say yes she will assume I can babysit every Friday night and I am exhausted from work ( I work everyday from 9 to 5 pm). I really just need to relax and have a beer , so I think asking child free friends to babysit on Friday's night is not a good idea. The other day she mentioned If I could babysit them really early in the morning on a Saturday.....I need to sleep during weekends since I wake up early every day to go to work, plus I exercise everyday...So I am exhausted by Friday. They think that because we don;t have children , we have so much free time. And I have things to do too. So I find this a little weird. I have lots of really close friends with children and they never, never asked me to babysit their children.

I understand you completely; you a have a lifestyle that I currently feel like I want (no kids, passive income, free time/flexible schedule). I just graduated from college and I'm working as a freelancer. I come from a close knit family, and my sister has 3 kids under 6 so I'm often asked to babysit. I feel like my mom and my sister try to guilt me into babysitting and it honestly hurts my feelings. Not because I feel bad for not babysitting, I know what I do and do not want to do, but for the fact that they attempt to make me feel bad.

They often assume that because I have the well earned luxury of working my own schedule (which does NOT mean that I do not work,) that I should be willing to watch my sister's kids and that is absolutely not the case. So, I feel you. I was offended by your friend perceiving your lifestyle as you "not working" or doing anything.

He could be going through a lot right now given his situation.. so yeah, you should have tried to help him out if you could've BUT that doesn't mean you're in the wrong.