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I learnt the hard way, being raised to 'not rock the boat'. If I ever spoke about an issue my mother would literally tell me not to rock the boat or cause trouble - basically let everyone treat you like crap because they can. And they did.
I learnt the hardest way possible that I needed to rock the boat until it sank, build my own ship and captain it myself. Yes it causes other problems, but no-one will respect you unless you do. Of course, it needs to be done as gently as possible, so tell the friend you're inviting both because you love them both and can't be responsible for hurting either of them. Univiting is off the table, but you can work with them to seat them away from each other etc. You'll find out their true worth.
Embrace the organising friend if you can. It sounds like they want to celebrate you, however missguided their attempt.
If you offer details of the party, you're inviting opinions. Either tell no-one how you're doing it or be prepared for responses. Most people aren't trying to be malicious. We just have different perspectives.
Me? I learnt long ago to spend my celebratory money sailing off in my little ship with my kids & hubby rather than paying for the privellege of organising, feeding & cleaning up after people, most I rarely hear from. I would usually invite close family to an affordable restaurant in leiu of gifts or have a small BBQ at home.
Take your kids and go away for the weekend. Spoil yourself and them. The rest can go suck it!
Do these "friends" have legitimate issues for example did one shag another one's wife or is it just petty things? Everyone in your life sound like dickheads. Scew them all - ditch them & book a holiday without all of them.
From my experience, cancel. [email protected]*k em all and go and do something or buy something that you really want. If people ask why, you say "it was too hard trying to please everyone."
Said that to hubby and he got all shitty with me and walked off. I ask for and do VERY little for 'me'. As most mums. My life revolves around everyones elses needs and wants. I ask for and expect very little. But the few times i put myself out there "thinking this is my moment for me" i feel like i just get pummled and feel like shit. I just want to cry. I was talking to a friend about these issues and hubby told me to stop bitching about people. Ask him what to do and he sits on the fence but tells me im wrong in every way i try to deal with it.
You might have to organise it all by yourself but they will catch on
Have the party anyway and have a great time. If those so called friends don’t show up it shows how selfish and petty they are and you don’t need that in your life anyway. Do what you want. The ones that love you will enjoy it with you.
Cancel the whole party. Take the money you would have spent and book a night in a nice hotel, watch junk tv and order room service or if that doesn’t suit, book a spa day. Do something for you. If anyone pitches a fit about it, that’s their issue not yours.
If you still want the party, do it. Invite who you want, it is up to them to decide to come or not. Have a good birthday and celebrate it the way you want.
My 40th ended up my kids organising a party, a kids mascot came and entertained all the kids (just like a kids party) piñata etc.
No adult wanted to plan anything or be part of planning, my parents refused to have anything at their home which is where we always have every event. I kept getting told that I was to do all the food, mum was disgusted when she found out it was a sausage sizzle and kid style party food (my kids did the menu, they were throwing the party after all)
It was pretty much no one could say no if the kids invited the cousins telling them the plan. My cousins would have come regardless.
Then adults were pissed that they couldn’t drink at the venue we were?!?!
I think my kids would have been more upset then me if there was no party and they loved every minute!
You deserve this one thing to be all about you and your wants. If they can’t see that then they aren’t valuing you like you should be. People can be so fu****g selfish and self-centred, forgetting to consider those around them. It might be time to sit all three of them down together and ask them if you can have this one night.