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Son worried he doesn’t have enough male friends

My 11 year old son has always been really feminine and has always just gotten along better with girls (totally fine with me, I couldn’t care less whether he hangs out with boys or girls). However, he’s gotten a little insecure about it lately, the other day he came back from his friends house (first time he’d seen her outside of school since COVID started) and started telling me how he wishes he could be friends with more boys. He’s never seemed insecure about it before and I’m wondering how I can best support him and help him make friends with more boys. Sports could maybe be an option but the only sport he kinda likes is netball, he played on a team last year and was the only boy (he also wasn’t very good at it but hey he tried his best)

I should mention he does have one male friend who is really sweet and doesn’t judge my son’s effeminacy, maybe he feels this way because he wants more friends like him? Who knows, it’s just very confusing because he’s never acted like this before.


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Answers (8)

Look, if he's bad at sport but wants to meet likeminded kids maybe he could try something that the other non sporty boys like.. like Magic cards, they play socially at game shops or a drone flying club, maybe he would like sailing or joining a fishing club, golf, guarantee there would be a heck load of his 11 year old peers that play Minecraft, Roblox etc... I could go on if you need more ideas! 😊 there are so many things boys can do that aren't sports, if you help broaden his horizons he might find his tribe!

 He’s not interested in a lot of that stuff but you bring up some good points, and yes he isn’t very good at sport but he did actually like netball quite a bit, he wanted to play again this year but didn’t only because the COVID situation ramped up just as the season was about to start so he chose to just leave it for now. Stuff like drone flying and fishing isn’t his thing, but he doesn’t mind video games (he’s more the mario/animal crossing type but maybe he can make some more friends through that)
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I reckon something has been said and his friend has let him know ( tho she was probably being supportive). Just weird it started bothering him suddenly. My son and my husband had female friends rather than male friends throughout school. My son is 15 now and has found his male friend circle but still remains friends with all the girls. They found the guys tried too hard to act cool and tough. Girls were normal and easy to get along with.

He is probably starting puberty and is becoming a man. Encourage him to play video games if he doesn’t like sport, he will see all the boys from school on there after school.
What about basketball that is similar to netball, just enroll him in a boys after school team. I always make my kids try something they haven’t done before if I think it could help them develop. They are terrified at first but if they like it they are grateful. If they don’t we finish the season and at least we know what didn’t work but they gave it a go.

He’s now getting to an age where girls are maturing in a different way to him. Don’t be alarmed too much unless his behaviour is changing along with it. There are a lot of ways that he can make other friends who are also boys. Some of the suggestions about joining a club that is in his interest already on this post is great. Another way might be to reach out to a local community group to see if anyone else in your area has a son the same age who is a similar personality to your son.

There are other things boys like, sport isn't everything!
At our local library they have 'Lego Club' on Saturday mornings. I think they may have a Minecraft club but I'm not sure.
There are plenty of things for boys. Cub scouts? Souts?
Sounds like he's maturing and realising he's not ad interested in things that the girls he knows are.
Don't be worried mate, its pretty awesome he's got his own self awareness of his interests and he's figuring out who's similar so he can seek em out to be mates with.
You're a good mum 🌻

Could he have been teased?

 The friend that he was visiting that day would absolutely never do that, but maybe he has been before and just never showed his insecurity until now. His school is also really good about prohibiting bullying and things like that so they would be onto it straight away if they were aware of anything
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