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How did you ask your husband for a divorce, did everything just fall apart or was there a conversation, or did you just have the papers served via your solicitor?

I would like to ask my husband for a divorce. He will be surprised, shocked in fact. I even think he might think I’m joking. He’s completely oblivious to how unhappy I am despite me having multiple conversations with him I’ve the last few years. I cannot continue to live someone who doesn’t love me back. It is simply exhausting. I just need some support right now, thank you all. Please nothing nasty, I’m not strong enough to handle that right now. Financially I’m not worried. Have a high income and three beautiful kids. They see me unhappy at times which worries me.

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Answers (6)

You write him a long a*s letter and be open and raw about your feelings and how long you’ve been feeling the way you do. You hand it to him and go for a lonnnggg drive to think and reflect without interruptions. If he wants to save the marriage you’ll know from his reaction after his read what you have to say. Individual and couples counseling might be useful too. You could always have a trial separation, sometimes you’ve got to be alone to appreciate each other more. Good luck it’s tough.

 Thank you.
In my heart I feel it’s too late to salvage. I’m done. I really don’t want him to say he wants to save the marriage.
I could write a letter easily. I’m a keen writer, although you wouldn’t know from my original question. So many typo’s! Autocorrect is awful!

helpful (1) 
 I think this is a great idea. At least if it ends you know you did everything you could. You can still walk out if he chooses to stay.
helpful (0) 
 I think it is a great idea too, but int the ops case in her defence, it sounds like she is beyond the letter writing point. She’s had enough conversations, and nothing has changed. Perhaps just go for a separation , spend a few months on your own and from there you will have the strength to leave? It really depends on your personality, but I think I’d find this the best as I’d be able to see him and just “know’ it was the right decision..x
helpful (1) 

I think rather than just saying "I want a divorce" sit down, have a conversation. Say I'm unhappy, maybe try seperation first? Sorry you're feeling that way xx

 Thank you.
He is a good man, and a wonderful dad. I don’t want to shatter him. In the past, his good points far outweighed the bad, I’m older now and not willing to continue looking beyond the faults. They’re too significant to ignore.

helpful (1) 

He didn’t take me seriously. It ended with a Dv incident police removed him and he has been notified I will be applying in 10 months when I can legally do so in QLD. He isn’t happy but I don’t care I’m done after 9 years i put my all in and tried my hardest and I’m exhausted

OP Thank you for sharing that with me. We’ve been married 13 years, together 20. We are 37 and never known a life without each other. I’m at the end of my tether. I’ve put up with a lot over the years and I’ve reached a point now where I’m just not happy to do that anymore.
helpful (3) 
 It hard it isn’t easy but when you at that point you just can’t keep going. You have to
Put yourself first. You deserve to be happy

helpful (3) 

We had already been separated for 3 years when I served him.

 I feel like a separation isn’t final enough. We’ve observed a sibling of his be together, separated, together, separate etc over and over again. I think he will think I’ll be like our sister in law and just buckle and have him back. Not me, once I decide something I’m 100% doing in. No shades of grey.
helpful (0) 
 Just note that you have to be legally separated for 12 months in Australia before you can divorce not like America where you can do straight away so will need to start with a separation. The custody and finances can be done immediately it's just the divorce bit after 12 months
helpful (1) 

I’m sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly tough when you feel your partner doesn’t love you. I guess I’m an example of what happens when you don’t leave when you should. Pretty much I’m in an affair now. There’s no love left in our marriage. Every time I bring it up he just deflects the subject. There is absolutely no affection left.
I wish I left when I knew it was over but I couldn’t for the kids.

 Does the affair compensate I feel like you but just couldn’t take the step even though there are very good men available.
helpful (0) 
 Yes it does. It’s made me whole. I had very strong morals before I took that step. I went through a lot of guilt in the beginning. But I found a great man in a similar situation. My relationship with my husband has improved because I know longer get frustrated and when he lets me down I don’t get so emotionally because I don’t have to rely on him for sex.
helpful (0) 
 Do you see yourself in a future with your affair partner?
helpful (0) 
 Not really other than continuing the affair. I see it for what it is. He only really meets part of my needs. Real life would complicate things (he is childless by choice) his lifestyle would change dramatically if we were living together.
helpful (0)