Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Keeping photos of your ex up around the house?

I've recently found out that my husbands ex still has all there photos up throughout her house, wedding photos, happy snaps and the like. Me and my husband have been together for 6 years. I'm wondering if that's weird? I'm not like pissed off or anything it's just not something I would do and I was wondering what the consensus was? Would you?

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (21)

The real question here OP is why do you give a toss?
Leave the lady alone.

OP Was literally curious to see if others would do the same or not. As stated in my post, was wondering what the consensus was.
helpful (0) 
 Or why are you in her home?
helpful (0) 
OP I wasn't, my husband was during drop off and saw them.
helpful (0) 

My kids have a photo of their dad and i from 'when we loved each other' i gave it to them to remind them they were made with love. Nothing on the walls

It sounds totally normal...

On a completely unrelated topic, I would just make sure all doors are locked and no one is creeping in your wardrobe or stealing your husband's undies off the line.

OP HAAAAAAAAAAAAA
helpful (2) 

I think its really weird that she has photos just of him. My kids have pics of them with their dad in their bedrooms but I dont have any on display ... I have no desire to see his face. I totally get why you think it is strange.

Unless you have been inside the house and have actually seen the photos for yourself, you can't be sure that it is even true. Maybe there are a couple of photos up for the child's benefit and whoever gossiped to you was exaggerating.

While I can understand it's definitely odd I think it's great for their daughter to have the photos up. It's her house too and her dad is a major part of her life. If my husband and I spilt I would keep photos up of him as it is my sons dad and he is an important part of his life.

OP Totally understandable!
helpful (0) 

I kept my exes shoes I like to have a big manly pair next to each door to ward off robbers haha his foot was really large and it makes me feel better about living alone

How is she supposed to move on with them ariund the house . If a new bloke rocked up and saw that i thibk he would run

Yeah that's weird. I have no desire to have photos of my ex husband and as the one currently splitting photos I have made the decision with him that wedding photos, family photos, etc will be split between the girls. I was fortunate that when my youngest was 6 weeks old we had family portraits taken, due to him being in hospital he wasn't able to be in them!!! I also have a friend doing us a set of portraits later this year so I will have updated ones of the girls and I. I found out wedding and engagement cards etc the other week and they will also be packaged up for the girls. I don't hate my ex but I sure don't want him hanging on my walls!!!

I framed photos of my twins with their dad and gave them to them to put on their new bedside tables when they were putting all their bits on there.
One shoved theirs in their cupboard with their socks. The other just stared blankly at me and told me it was really nice I had gone to the effort and asked me if he could change the photo. When he found a new photo of him & his twin alone he put the other photo in the bin!
We broke up due to domestic violence when they were babies and never had pictures around the house even when we were together.

 Omg. I hope you and your babies are ok❤
helpful (1) 

My girls have photos of their dad and them together in their bedrooms and one on the fridge. We've been separated 3 years.
I think it's weird she has so many including ones of just him.

 I totally understand how you feel. I’m currently wondering the same thing which is why I’ve found this feed. I found out yesterday my husbands ex also has photos up of him and her together with the kids, but took any photos of just him and the kids together down, which I thought was odd. I’m fully supportive of us all co parenting but since we got together has behaved as if she holds a flame for him.
I was surprised at some of the negative responses on here! I think the lady on this thread is merely asking what other people’s boundaries are and if they are ok with this? I was shocked when I found out as I thought it crossing a healthy boundary when the kids are already confused.

helpful (0) 

The alternate is just as awkward, my mum kept all the photos since she loved them, but she awkwardly cut my dad out of all of them then re-hung them. It was obvious what she had done , unless you want to get rid of all the photos there isnt much else to do. keeping all of them for the kids is a nice idea But those pictures also show a big part of your life especially those photos with their child, i can understand her wanting to keep them aswell, as wierd as it is.

OP Oh no I get that completely but I mean there's photos of just him, up around the house..
helpful (0) 
 Oh... yeah thats just wierd.
helpful (1) 
 I agree, keeping is not weird, having them on display is!
helpful (0) 
OP That's exactly my thinking! I totally get keeping them for memories sake and for my step daughters sake but to have them on display and them being photos of literally just him I think is weird. I've always known she's not over him, it's so obvious I just didn't think she was this..... not over him.
helpful (0) 
 Wait a moment there is a kid involved so that's different. It's her father and maybe she felt that it's healthier especially if things ended amicably rather than delete completely for her sake. Strange but weird sounds a little offensive
helpful (4) 
OP They didn't end amicably and they're still far from amicable lol. We see his daughter every weekend so he's very present in her life, he didn't just drop off the face of the earth. And like I said there's photos all over the house, of just him. It is weird, considering the circumstances and her hostility towards us.
helpful (0) 
 Well if you've been together six years since the kid is 2 then it was obviously very difficult for her. I'd just say leave it alone
helpful (0) 
OP I don't plan on doing anything?
helpful (0) 
 You sound jealous in some way which is the weird thing
helpful (0) 
OP Why would I be jealous of photos? Lol! I've got my own plus the guy in the flesh 😂😂😂
helpful (2) 

You can't control or tell her what she has in her house happy memories were made without you not a big deal ots nice for the kids that they left them up

OP I'm not trying to lol. I don't expect pictures of me in her house so I'm not sure what you mean by the memories we're made without me lol! I have no intention of saying anything or trying to make her take them down I was simply asking is others would do the same.
helpful (0) 
 Yes I have done the same my daughter found a picture from our wedding day and was keeping it hidden in her room I found it when she was at school and cried. I went got some frames and told her she can pick any photo to put in the frames she picked a picture of her cousin a picture of shopkins and then said there's one I don't want to show you I said that's fine but this is your room you pick the photos she took out the wedding pic and asked me to help her I said it's a lovey photo Bub where will we hang it you really have to keep these things around for the kids X
helpful (4) 

She may be struggling to move on and the photos are memories of a happier time.
I guess she may still grieve for what was and maybe these pictures give her child comfort when they aren't with dad.
I don't find it odd, but if it was me I would have removed them and put them in an album.
However I can understand pictures around the house say if he had died.
As long as it doesn't bother you and it's not causing issues in your relationship id just accept it for whatever it is.

I wouldn't do it either. I suppose it would be difficult if they were family photos including children. My step mother was very thoughtful - she collected all the photos of my mum and dad and labelled two manilla envelopes for my brother and I. She split them up as fairly as she could (before digital photos!!) so that we each got wedding photos and such. She then popped them in a drawer until we were old enough to look after them ourselves.
As for keeping photos of your ex on display, it just feels like she hasn't moved on.

OP He has an 8 year old with her so I get her keeping them for my step daughters sake but to keep them all up throughout the house? For over 6 years?? i feel like that's weird and probably more detrimental to my step daughter than helpful. She definitely hasn't moved on, her actions show that but I wasn't sure if the picture thing was "normal" or if it was just me!
helpful (1)