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If You fell pregnant to the guy you’d been seeing for over 12 months and then found out he was still in fact married would you tell his wife and how?

He said they were separated but I’ve found out they aren’t.
I’m not seeing him as the trust has been broken.

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Answers (17)

The trust has been broken. Absolutely. For you and for his wife. I personally feel it is very unfair for his wife to be left in the dark. This is not some simple harmless flirting. There is now a child involved (potentially, should you decide to keep it...and this is entirely your choice). Surely he knew this was a possibilty when he decided to mess around on his wife. He needs to face up to some of the consequences/responsibilities in whatever way you decide to deal with this. I do feel his wife deserves to know she is married to a lying, cheating idiot. It may look on the outside like you are a homewrecker by speaking the truth but he real truth is, he has lied and deceived both of you. Why should he get to go along with his deception when you are left to deal with the situation and she is none the wiser? The only homewrecker is him.

I’ve been put in a position where I’ve been cheated on and found out through an std. I’ve stayed married to the man and now wonder, if he didn’t use protection, is there a woman out there with his child?
And just cos we’ve stayed together and he acts like he’s changed, has he really or is he just a better liar. These things hurt a lot and whether you think I’m stupid for staying, it’s entirely my business as to why I stayed but hell I’d want to know if someone else was having my husbands child, even if it is the person that had sex with him while married to me!!
If you have half a conscience tell her.

I would tell her as I found out my (now ex) was visiting brothels. I found this out a number of years after I had left him. When I found out, I realised that others knew and chose not to tell me, and due to this, I wasted a number of years on that sack of shit.

I’d be asking what your intentions are.
Do you want a relationship with this guy? Do you want him to be a part of this child’s life? Shared care etc? Child support contributions??
If no, then I’d run 1,000,000 miles in the opposite direction and leave him to it.
Sometimes we want to get even and hurt someone when they’ve hurt us but I think that unless you want to work collaboratively in this situation, telling the wife wouldn’t actually help the situation.
Does he know you’re pregnant?

Hell yes, these other responders have no backbone.. you'd be taking advice from a bunch of doormats. Tell her the truth that he's a lying scum bag and you've both been played.

 I think in this situation, the one without a backbone is the man. Not the people online who have a different perspective than you.
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Let child support documentation do the talking

 That’s easy to hide, esp if they are still together
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 Can't hide the payments so easily though
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I find it hard to put myself in these shoes (because I've never dated anyone in any other relationship) but my conscience says, no. I wouldn't tell her. I think in that situation I'd tell give him the ultimatum to either be a part of the baby's life and tell her (and if they decided to stay together then I'd want to meet her in a neutral setting to explain myself and apologise for inadvertently stepping into her marriage), or he could f**k off completely.
The wife does have a right to know about her potential stepchild. But I'd want to meet her myself if she was going to be in my childs life.

But as I said, I've never been in that situation and find it difficult to put myself there.

No, she will find out soon enough. Let him tell her, if he is going to be part of the child's life she may be (if they stay together) involved too. Try not to antagonise her.

Why hurt the wife? It’s not her fault and she is already legally stuck with a lying dirtbag. If she is your best friend then go for it, but if you chose not to discover he was still married for 12 months, I expect his wife has chosen not to admit he’s a cheat.

 I was thinking this too...
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 I see where you are coming from, but don't you think it may be more hurtful for her to find out later on? And if indeed he is a lying, cheating shitsack, it may not be the last time he does this. The wife of all people deserves the truth, then at least she can make her own decisions instead of further being lied to or sweeping it under the carpet.
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 Exactly. Out yourself in her shoes
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 Put *
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Well iI wouldn't tell her, but id go thru child support agency to make sure he paid up/was taken out of his pay, and I'd leave that explaining up to him.
It's not the wife fault he's a POS

She's going to have to know if you have the baby. It's not the child's fault and you all will need to do your best to work something out for the child.
Just remember, she has been betrayed as have you. She is not the enemy. There is not point in being more hurtful than it will necessarily be.

I was the wife in a similar situation, I think you need to leave her out of it. As tempting as it is to use telling the wife as a threat, I really don't think you should do it. I was told by text message and it has really affected my relationship with the child and the mum.

I found out my hubby fathered 2 set of twins ( 2 women ) at same time when I found child support papers hand deliver in letterbox

As a wife I would want to know. I'd start with I'm really sorry to let you know ... let her know he told you they had separated and that you're sorry to cause her any pain.