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I hate feeling lonely all the time

I have no one I can rely on. No one who will just listen without making some comment or judging. This forum is the only place I feel safe to share and you are all anon. I watch women who have their friends they can talk to, who go out for coffee, who enjoy each other’s company and I want that. Every time I have tried they have either used me or dropped off without warning. I know it’s probably me, no definitely me, and now I’ve given up trying to find any friends. I only have acquaintances who I say hi and talk about bullshit small talk. I’m just feeling extra lonely today I guess. Don’t know what my question is, just needed to open up about this.

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Answers (10)

Having children is isolating if you don't do it at the same time as your "friends". Most people are arseholes. Be selective who you let in your life. Quality over quantity.

OP You are so right. I would be happy with maybe 2-3 close friends who I could rely on and who could rely on me.
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 I can so agree with this, I had kids ten years earlier then everyone else... Friends disappeared. Now ten years later... Still no friends.
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Me to. I don't even bother trying anymore.

OP I’m sorry you feel this way too. I hope things get better for you xx
helpful (1) 
 Thank you lovely. I've tried for so long and so hard that it's just easier now to be on my own. I heard this incredible quote the other day. If you feel lonely when alone, you're in bad company. It's just a little reminder to do things that make you feel good when alone instead of being upset about the situation xxx
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Calling OP “needy” is judgemental, unkind and simply unnecessary. OP, please ignore these comments. I didn’t get a needy or desperate vibe from your post at all. The feeling I got is that you are sad and very much in need of some kindness (as are we all from time to time.)

OP loneliness is hard, and you certainly haven’t done anything to be in this position. Close friendships can be difficulty to find and even more difficult to keep sometimes. Please don’t be so tough on yourself, things will get better and easier in time.

Could you try meeting other parents through your children’s school? Or are there any hobbies you could pursue? Do you have a job? If not, could you get something even part time for the social interaction? I think you need to try and put yourself out there a bit more.

It’s a cliche, but a true one - this too shall pass. Keep trying OP and things will improve. Most importantly, take care and look after yourself.

OP Thank you for writing this. It really boosted me. You sound like a great person. I have met some people through my children’s school and will try to pursue those as friendships. My biggest hobby is fishing and I find it hard to find other women who also enjoy this, while I don’t mind having both men and women as friends, I would love just to have some women who can be really close friends. Thank you again xx
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I know this is an anonymous forum but it would be great if we had an identification number and were able to private message each other. So many lonely mums out there and it would be a great way to get some mums to meet up.

 Go onto Mumsnet you can do that.
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OP This would be lovely if we had an option like this.
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 I thought mumsnet was a British site, is it Australian?
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Before you can be someone’s friend you need be a friend to yourself.
See your doctor to see if you have depression or other mental illness.
Sounds like you come across as needy and text people constantly and want a text back ASAP and I have been in your position
I have been diagnosed with depression and ADHD and have couple of friends we don’t live in eachother pockets
I have hobbies that keep me happy and occupied

 I love you've just assumed she is needy.
helpful (3) 
 Are you a needy friend?
What to Do When You Are Too Needy. Being clingy means that overall you have a habit of calling friends too frequently, wanting to hang out all the time, being jealous when they spend time with others, or being insecure and in need of emotional reassurance constantly.

helpful (1) 
 
Limit your contact with them. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore them or anything like that. It just means that, if you’ve been contacting them a lot lately, following them around, or constantly commenting on their social media accounts, try to give it a rest. Let them find their way to you. If they really are your friend, they will get in touch with you.
When they do get in touch with you, don’t treat them as though they’ve done something wrong. Remind yourself that this is what you wanted, and be happy about it.
If you want to look at your friend’s social media account to see what they’re up to, that’s fine. However, realize that you may see pictures of them doing things with other people, and you may feel jealous. If you find yourself feeling jealous, avoid commenting something clingy on the photo. For example, don’t say, “It looks like you’re having a lot of fun without even inviting me!

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OP Thank you. I do think I need to go to the doctor and get a mental health check up done, not feeling myself lately. I don’t expect anyone to text back right away or talk all of the time but a message or a coffee once a week would be so nice. You might be right that I give off a clingy vibe though, or maybe a desperate vibe.
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I feel lonely too much of the time. I struggle to let people in as I don’t like feeling judged or vulnerable. It is a tough place to be. I’m hoping that going back to work will help with the social interaction...

OP I hope it will for you too. It’s so isolating sometimes.
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I am the same, or probably worse, it's like I lack the skills to make friends completely

OP I’m sorry to hear this. I was much the same until I started getting a little confidence back to talk to others but still have a hard time making and maintaining friendships. I hope you can find some friends soon xx
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How old are you ?
How old are your kids ?

OP My kids are 7 and 8. I’m 30.
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 Where are you located? I'm 30 also and my kids are 8&6
helpful (1) 
 You were a young mum and looks like you missed out on the fun years
I would suggest you have friends aged 35 to 45

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OP I’m in Brisbane.

Yes, I did miss out on some of the fun years in a way but I wouldn’t change my children for the world.

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Can you arrange with your husband two nights a week and 1/2 day sat, to do your own thing? This will give you time to do something you enjoy with other people and then make friends. I play in a mums soccer club and I belong to a Zumba club. These areas of my life I love doing and have made some wonderful friends.

OP I wish I could but I’m a single mum and my ex hub has not been involved in their lives since he left. Those sound like wonderful ideas though and I am sure if I asked family they would love to babysit for a couple of hours a week to let me get some fitness and socialise.
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I have been told mothers have a life and childless women don’t have a life and have free time to be at people’s beck and call

OP That’s very rude of people to say to anyone who is childless. My sister doesn’t have children yet leads a very busy life, more so than me with her career. Some people just don’t understand.
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