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Why do people feel the need to ask 'When are you having kids/planning babies/want kids/pregnant' questions?

Seriously, what is it they want out of this question??!! I know sometimes it’s well meaning but.

The best response is ‘Oh, I’m actually pregnant right now! But keeping it a secret and didn’t want to tell anyone just yet! Thanks for be so nosy!’

Otherwise it could be the most anxiety thing the person is going through.
What if they are trying and can’t get pregnant,
what if they are spending thousands of IVF,
what if they don’t want kids and they don’t want to justify what they want to do with their lives to you,
what if this is causing them the most distress in their life,
what if they had miscarriages, stillborns, cancer,
what they are embraced about you asking about their sex life,
what if the hundreds of other ‘what if’s’

So in this day and age WHY do people even step anywhere near that topic?


Got an Answer?

Answers (27)

Why doesn't everyone just stop speaking to each other because you can't say anything these days without offending or outraging someone. Own your own issues.

 Hope you replied this to every other thread
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 No but you have
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 Ugh, right? Everyone loves being so sensitive just so they can express their 'outrage' on social media.
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When I say “I am not having kids” that’s is not your cue to say “oh you’ll have kids” or “you’ll change your mind” or “it’s different when they’re your own”. My decision is not a personal attack on your chosen lifestyle it’s my choice, and it is not your place to question it — (@afratheid) July 10, 2018

 Having children takes 100% commitment and is taxing (and of course rewarding) on even the most desirous of the parenting role. I have no idea why people keep trying to talk others into having children!
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Honestly, I think people are just trying to make conversation about something you may have in common. It's like asking "what do you do for a living?" No one really wants to hear about someone elses job, but statistically speaking, odds are they have a job and you have the fact that you both have/had a job in common.

I use to get so annoyed by people's comments about how I looked during pregnancy, my age, if my family was complete, the genders of my children ("hoping for a girl after 4 boys?"). But people are just looking to connect.

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 Other ways to connect
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 Honestly you could ask the most innocent of questions and have no way to know of youre offending someone.
Let's stop the offending by not talking to anyone ever again! Yay 🎊

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 ^ whatever. You can say that to just about everything on this forum
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 True that! Everyone is offended by everything.
Today I farted in front of my husband.
That alone could offend everyone

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If someone hasn't purposely offended you please don't take it upon yourself to turn it into something offensive.

 you could say that to a lot of post on this forum.
If the person IS offend whether or not the commenter meant it to be offensive, they can't help it

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 I think your offended by our lack of being offended.
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 I'm offended by the fact we cannot enter into a discussion with anyone about anything
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 Me too
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Totally agree with the OP. I know some ppl are just making light conversation, but once you start dating it's;
'When are you getting engaged?' get engaged,
then it's 'when are you getting married?' get married
then 'When are you having a kid?' have a kid
'When are you having another one?'
I know it's natural progression but still I don't ask you 'When are you having sex?'.
I also love it when people ask 'have you spoken to your husband about kids?' you say 'yes'. and say 'and' and you say ' I have spoken to my husband about kids'.
Or 'How old are you?'
'I'm XX old'
'Oh, you should start now'

Rant over. They are a few pregnant ones at work, some I'm asked every couple of days and starting to annoy me, in case you can't tell.

 I’m all against it too, but this society is all about beoadcasting so it’s almost like a preemptive question to put the focus on the other person. I could also ask. “Why do people have to tell everyone they are excited about trying for a baby”, “so excited about this or that”.. I feel it works in reverse. I don’t care if you’re trying for a baby...really I don’t!
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 "do you have kids?"
"no but we're currently trying, in fact last night we did it doggy style and I made sure I came hard because I hear that's great for conceiving boys"

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I had trouble falling pregnant. Then I did. Then I had a miscarriage. Everyone kept asking me when I was going to try again, and not to worry cause I can have another one. It is a loaded gun question and should NOT be asked unless you are close to the person and they are talking to you about.

I ask people if they have kids. I don't really care about the answer though cos it's not my life

 But why ask? If the answer is yes or no or maybe, what diff does it make?
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 To pretend I care about having an engaging conversation with them?
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 😆 i love this answer.... because that's what society have to show's small talk.
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Why is it important for a woman to have children and not men be a dad

Perhaps you should just get a grip and view it from the perspective that it’s just well meaning convo and that you are causing your own anxiety but putting so much added focus on it. And this is coming from someone who Had trouble conceiving.

 Well convo vs nosy person
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Well you can't pick and choose.
You expect attention and look at me when you want so don't be pissy.

 Love it
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It's not something i find offensive at all. It's a natural question people ask, same as do you think you will get married. Or how is work? Or what do you do for a living? Its a conversation starter. You dont have to answer, or you can be honest and explain that you have tried and tried and havent suceeded yet. Or you can say oh we haven't discussed that yet we are still very much enjoying each others company and living our lifes. One day maybe we will try!

This is a sensitive subject for many people. I personally don’t ask it as we went through a lot conceiving our children and at times it was an emotional subject. Before we went through that though, I’d ask this question, innocently. I don’t think people want to be offensive when asking. Most people are ignorant when it comes to fertility struggles and as having children is a natural progression for most people, to me it’s not an offensive question. But I do think people should ask it carefully. As it can be a tough question for many.

My mother and I had a conversation about this subject not too long ago. A couple of weeks ago my mum went to a family function where my cousins were. One has a newborn baby and the other is a newlywed. The wife of my cousin who is the newlywed was holding the newborn and looking very comfortable, and my mum wanted to ask when they were thinking of having their own, knowing full well they want children. She then kept it to herself knowing that sometimes that question can hurt people with fertility troubles.

Why do I tell this story? Because it’s simply a matter of if my mum can bite her tongue (I love her to bits but she enjoys talking and asking questions) then anyone can.

I find there can actually be a reason for them asking for example my husband and I are rural and want to stay rural but we have to move around for our careers. We were at a networking event where he needed to speak to a few people about a possible next move etc, and we had at least 4 people ask us if we had kids, because it is a factor. If there isn’t a school or support system in a rural town they weren’t likely to suggest certain towns. However that said we are trying to have kids via ivf and I struggle to give and answer they will be happy with but at the same time means we are not suggested some remote town. I find “ not yet” leaves them wanting more but I don’t want to give more information so there is always I few seconds of uncomfortable silence.