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I want to say No

So I haven’t let my ex spend time with our daughter after she exposed to me a number of details regarding drugs and his girlfriend naked in the shower with my 9 year old daughter and talking to her about her boobs and mine. Plus driving under the influence and unlicensed.... list goes on!

I have said to him I have organised supervised visits at a centre for them to be together but he refuses

I get this text today “Can I please take her to dinner or something?
One of my best mates is over from London and he would really like to meet her.
This is killing me 😪”

I want to just say no but wondering if someone could suggest an idea where it is safe and can be supervised but he can introduce his friend.

Without the chance of running of as he has done with having to get a recovery order and he hid her for ten months and left to nz just before order was granted


Got an Answer?

Answers (9)

He left with your daughter for 10 months... and he wants one of his mates from London to meet her... and you are considering it because you feel bad even though he is a unsafe parent..
Did I fu****g read this right?

OP I have to abide by the order as the judge reminded me I can’t hold that against him.
helpful (1) 
 What a shitty judge. Seriously these people have rocks in their heads.
helpful (1) 
OP Yeah but what can you do. What they says goes
helpful (0) 

Honestly, if it were me I’d just say no. Normally I’m all about fathers rights, but when he took your daughter for 10 months then he lost his rights. What a self entitled piece of shit he is.

OP I know but the judge has said I have to make an effort and not lock him out because of “fathers rights”
helpful (2) 
 This is where the pendulum has swung to far in the name of "father's rights". Your ex's "rights" as a father are shot to hell as far as I can see from what you have described.
helpful (0) 
OP Yeah and now I’ve received a message and call informing me he is applying for full custody. He abused me calling me a bitch, mental, fruit loop, wh**e and slag and not once did I say anything to him. Wish I could post the texts it’s laughable. Then saying I’ve driven him to suicide because I wont let him see her.
helpful (0) 
 Keep those texts! Abusing you will just make it worse for him.
helpful (7) 
 Big whoop, he sounds like a child
helpful (0) 
Answered by OP

Thanks everyone and yes my answer was already no. But I think sometimes I doubt myself that I’m doing my daughter wrong and I need to stop doing that. I think some of his nasty messages got me this morning and made me feel shitty. I don’t know who this friend is or why he needs to meet our daughter but it isn’t happening

 He is probably using it as a reason to see his daughter since he can't see her anymore.
helpful (0) 
OP Yeah I agree and think the same. I was thinking and his friend has no right to see her or any need it’s not like he’s family. So she is not going
helpful (0) 

Quick question, why does he want his mate from London to meet your daughter? Maybe it's from my lack of sleep, or maybe because I just read an article about sex trafficking, but that seems like a big ole red flag to me. Like "hey my girlfriend showers with our 9 year old daughter (presumably your 9 year old is capable of washing her own hair and body), and also talks about her boobs and yours (wtaf, why does the OPs boobs come into a sex ed convo, when it's not even her involved in the conversation?!), I've previously ran off and kept our girl from you, and oh yeah, my mate from overseas is coming to visit they totally need to meet".
Red. Fu****g. Flags. Everywhere.
"You know what ex? I'd LOVE to meet this friend too, I remember you speaking so fondly of him, why don't we all meet at a park or play centre?"
"Given the previous incidents, you can meet her at a supervised visitor centre, or nah not happening. Until we have all the court paperwork sorted"
"It's not happening. But from 7:20-8 each night, she'll be ready for your skype/phone call. So she can talk with you and tell you about what's going on in her life, and you can do the same. Every night. Until we get the court paperwork sorted"

OP I know I agree. I know my answer but I wanted to see I was making the right choice and as so many people has said no and no is the right answer. I’m not comfortable at all and not happy as I said I have organised visits at a supervised centre but he won’t go
helpful (0) 
 Darling if he won't attend the supervised visits, than his misery his own making. You've obviously got a caring heart, and he's trying to take advantage of that. Try and think of him as a total stranger, when he makes requests. Would you let a total stranger spend time with your daughter unsupervised and allow another total stranger to shower with her? Of course not. So whenever he makes his attempts to guilt you, think of it that way.

The guy sounds like a creepy dick.

helpful (4) 

Go to dinner too? Not at the same table but just go there too. I'm assuming when he took off with her it was years ago and you had obviously built enough trust again to leave her with him but the shower/drugs incidents put an end to that. So I don't think it's fair to hold that against him now when you obviously got past it already. Tell him why you aren't letting him see her and give him the chance to lift his game. Get it put in a court order.

OP It’s in my court order. No driving, no drugs no alcohol he doesn’t care and the court doesn’t either. I have reported to police and my daughter was interviewed also
helpful (0) 

Say his friend is welcome to attend the supervised visit with your ex, but that's the most accommodating I'd be, given his history.

 Or they can do a video chat
helpful (1) 
OP Yeah agree
helpful (0) 

I agree with the others above. Don't feel guilty about saying no.

"Ok, I'll meet you at x restaurant. I'll be eating there too. If you don't feel comfortable with me joining you, I'll get a table nearby.

Your ex partners friend sounds creepy

OP Aside from the obvious I am worried they may run with her again. That’s my biggest concern and it took 10 months for her to be found the first time and he has run two times since but only for a few days before he got sick of her crying to come home
helpful (0) 
 Go to cops
helpful (0) 
 Surely all of this stuff will not look good for him.
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OP Cops aren’t interested told me to apply to court. Their hands are tried can’t do anything without an order. Doesn’t look good but will anything happen as I’ve seen so many failures of the system and court
helpful (0)