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Housework - is it split by how many hours you work or how much you earn?

I'm back to work full time after being on mat leave 1 year and part time 1 year. I was expecting things to go back to 'normal' hubby and I were probably 60/40 with housework till I had a baby (60 to me). But I seriously had to say after a month and the house is wrecked um wtf mate I'm working 40 hours a week like you help out here... He mumbled some thing about his commute time and then how he is earning more ..... Like wtf. It's all I've been saying wtf wtf. What do you think? Are you 50/50? Do you think hours matter more? Earning equals slave? Should he fucking pay me then ? Lol are you in the same way?

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Answers (12)

My partner works and I don't I care for our kids and am heavily preg, my partner comes home from work and yes sits on his bum for abit but has no problems helping me clean kitchen cook dinners and what not. Our cleaning is about 60/40 and he is an absolute champion. Wage has nothing to do with it, and whilst he works HE says to me I work too. He sits down at lunch etc I don't get too! I'm chasing kids.

Wow that is incredibly rude of him. I am a stay at home mum and my husband still contributes to the housework. Everyone has bad days and I expect that if my partner can see that then he would do things to make my day easier. I have never even had to ask him as i would assume it is just common courtesy to show compassion for someone you love. When he has had a bad day I try to do something special for him as well. Everyone lives in the house, therefore everyone should contribute. If I were you I would sit down and have a discussion about how it makes you feel when he says things like this and that he is expected to pull his weight regardless of income. If he doesn't listen then start a chore list of 50/50 cleaning up after the kids then you only cook/clean for yourself. He will soon realise how ridiculous he is being and see how negatively his attitude contributes to your relationship.

I was in this situation when I went back to work. I tried talking about it and was told no he didn't have time to help. I gave him a few jobs like mowing the lawn ironing his own shirts and making dinner on Sunday nights. He took his shirts into be ironed and ignored the rest. I got sick of cleaning all weekend so I hired a cleaner once a fortnight. She does a thorough clean and changes sheets too. I got someone to mow the lawns and buy ready made meals from a catering company. Its barely worth working but only only do a quick clean on weekends now.

 I don't iron them he takes them into be ironed. If he doesn't cook Sunday night we get take away. He might realise how much it all adds up to one day.
helpful (0) 
 Sounds to me like he is getting away with it. He decides he doesn't want to do it, so you made a solution to let him get out of it. He didn't organise the cleaner or gardener, you did. He doesn't cook, so you get take away. How about his clothes aren't washed and no dinner is cooked for him until he can step up.
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Whywere you doing more before if you both work?

 I can't understand this myself. I cant believe how many women are looking after their husbands. It is so sexist. Do you feel as the woman you need to look after your man? This is an archaic concept from the 1950s. My grandmother was a housewife in the 50s, and even she wasn't expected to do it all as she, and all of her peers, had a maid come in several times a week.
This lie perpetuated from this era is a trap and it's time to break free. These men need to step up and do their part.

helpful (0) 
 I do all the house work, and cooking. And yes I "look" after my man. Why? Because I love doing it.
helpful (0) 
 In saying that though my hubby would help if I asked. I just like to do it :)
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 When I first moved in with my now husband I insisted on doing everything. I honestly felt like it was my job. Big mistake.
helpful (2) 
 That is how girls are raised sometimes. It's our job. But it is complete sexism. How easy is a man's life. Go to work and come him where everything is done for you. No wonder why they want to perpetuate this bullshit. Housework should be 50/50. You share a house, you share the responsibility. That includes child rearing.
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i work a rotating roster over 7 days roughly 11 hours a day. i do all housework, groceries and everything as my husband says he works too hard he refuses to do anything.

That's a pretty bad sign. I would be asking wtf too.
I think what's happened is while you've been home you have been doing all the housework and his life became much easier. He doesn't want it to return to the way it was as life is good for him. I can understand, but it's pretty bloody selfish.

check this out

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.html

 In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.
“What we’ve seen is that sharing equal responsibility for work in the home doesn’t necessarily contribute to contentment,” said Thomas Hansen, co-author of the study entitled “Equality in the Home”.
The lack of correlation between equality at home and quality of life was surprising, the researcher said.
“One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite,” he said.
The figures clearly show that “the more a man does in the home, the higher the divorce rate,” he went on.

helpful (1) 
 Um, written by a male lacks credibility.
helpful (3) 
 It's hardly surprising is it? You could hazard a guess that a woman who is repressed enough to cook and clean like a 50s housewife is less likely to leave a shitty relationship
helpful (7) 
 There are plenty of studies that show the opposite though.
helpful (1) 
 Lacking a link to the actual study. If you read the comments it shows they haven't adjusted for socioeconomic bias. Hardly a conclusive study.
helpful (1) 
 Plus doesn't discuss sample size or methodology
helpful (1) 

I think the longer commute does matter but ultimately it should be about getting equal down time. Wheres yours if you work full time and do everything? I would not put up with that type of attitude

It's about 95/5 in my house but I don't work. I also distribute 10 percent to the kids as chores

 Your house must be 110% clean 😊
helpful (2) 

How does earning more mean doing less around the house? Before I became a SAHM, and I was working full time, my husband and I split everything down the middle. Now, I do most of it and that is my choice.

OP That is our story till last month when I went back full time hope it dosent happen to you
helpful (0) 
 We split every thing 50/50 when i was full time, would not put up with a man not doing his share
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