Got an Answer?
My husband and his brothers had the misfortune of having two narcassistic parents. As an outsider, the hold the parents had on their kids is quite scary. they would (particularly the father) manipulate them against each other, tell lies, gaslight what ever it took to get what they wanted. The affect on the family was so damaging. I particularly hated watching my husband jump through hoops trying to please his dad and get his love and respect. It was never going to happen. He played games with them all and now the family is destroyed. The only way to deal with a narcassist is to not play. Get rid of her out of your life before she damages it even more. Your kids will be better off without her manipulations and drama. Your extended family have sat back and let you deal with it. Stuff them, let them deal with her. If they want to have contact then it should be under your terms; you don't want nothing to do with your mum. Not your problem anymore.
Does she treat everyone else like shit or just you? Do family know she treats you like shit? I think you have to cut ties. Let her become someone else’s problem and then they’ll see why you had to cut ties. Family may become more supportive of you if they see what’s really going on.
That was irresponsible of your father to not have will. But it is what it is.
I’d say it would be more damaging to your kids to have a narcissistic grandparent than no grandparent? If you’re wanting to cut mum out I’d try to reach out to siblings before cutting mum out - maybe you could get them to say you’ve cut them out too so she doesn’t ask about you or try to manipulate them to talk to you. and then set boundaries that they don’t talk about your mum? If you feel you need justification to cut mum out to your siblings you could always blame it on a counsellor ‘the counsellor recommended cutting mum out’ etc.
How did she end up with everything of his if divorced for 20 years?
They know, no one thinks it's right but no one speaks up either. They just let me deal with it.