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Insane spark with someone who is not my husband

Answered 15 hours ago

I have never cheated and never would.
However, I have this intense spark feeling whenever a friend of ours is around, this feeling has been happening for years. He is also married, but he mentioned that he felt something between us when he was drunk.

Has this happened to anyone else? How do you ignore it?

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Answers

ANSWER
15 hours ago
Similar situation... spark is 16yrs my senior... met at the same time I met my now husband instantly attracted to both! Spark has that intensity when we make eye contact that I avoided doing so. It’s as if he was undressing me with his eyes! Obviously married and had kids with my husband of now 10yrs and stayed friends with spark for most of those years. Until one night he got drunk and decided to confront the feelings neither of us had ever spoken off and made me extremely uncomfortable! I felt so guilty that I had caused it and felt like I had cheated when in fact I turned him down, that I told my husband of how uncomfortable I was made without admitting my own feelings to him and the friendship was ended with him. Our children remained friends which made things awkward! But all these years the attraction has never gone away and I find myself feeling very guilty for it. I avoid spark now but instantly have a sinking feeling with my heart racing when we do see each other but never speak to each other.

ANSWER
2 days ago
Same problem, with very intense feelings towards my married boss. We had a lot of chemistry going on, but I couldn't cope with it and had to leave my job because of him. The problem is I didn't go far enough away and still have to run into him at my workplace. Now I am forced to go out of my way to avoid him at work. It's very difficult. He has followed me about at work so he can run into me, but I am such a basket case where he is concerned that I just can't deal with it. I'm much better now with my new job but my feelings have not gone away even after 2 years. Some days I just want to march up to his office and just grab him him and tell him what I think he already knows, but I know its wrong. So I deal with the hurt and pain constantly.

ANSWER
2 days ago
I had a feeling the same with someone. Problem is I met him and have known him and had the feeling longer than I’ve been with my husband. (9yrs with husband)
The other guy well our timelines never lined up. We always joked about it. If he had a partner I didn’t and when I did he didn’t. We were always so drawn to each other and nothing has ever happened. When I ran into him a few years ago I just threw it out there and said maybe it’s just lust that we’ve felt all these years and if we ever did anything that’s where it would end. He said he believed differently and that we possibly could have been great but we will never know. (I’ve known him 16yrs)
Don’t worry we don’t talk or have an emotional relationship happening. We’ve only passed each other in the shops etc. it’s like we known we just can’t talk to each other. It is somewhat a bit painful and frustrating for us.
We’ve both got 2 kids each now and both have wonderful partners and I believe we are meant to be exactly where we are, but the unknown will always be there and I guess we are ok with that. Maybe there’s a reason we never lined up.
I’d say if you’re happy and settled, the spark may not die with this other guy, but make a choice and choose to let it go. If you can’t then you need to do the right thing and call off your current relationship. You need to acknowledge it may not all work out how you want it to.

ANSWER
2 days ago
I have had the same chemistry with a good friend for the last couple of years. We both see it in each other's eyes and I have never experienced anything like this before and I don't expect he has either. The thing is that we have never discussed it directly at all. Until recently we were both married. My marriage had been over for a long time but I stayed for the sake of the children. Last year I realised that it was possible for me to be happy and so I left. My Spark is still with his wife and I don't expect him to leave her as I know he takes commitment very seriously and I believe he still loves her (and his children) also. We both have a lot of integrity and I believe that is one of the qualities that we both love about the other. Our friendship is extremely important to us and I know that is the reason that we will not bring it up directly with each other. Once we speak about it I feel that we won't be able to have the relationship we currently do. We may even have a short affair but I don't believe either of us would be happy with the situation and so we are choosing to keep each other in our lives as close friends/siblings (with the blessing of his wife) rather than attempt to explore our relationship further, destroy our integrity and possibly all be unhappy. Its taken a lot of questioning and soul searching for me to come to this conclusion though as the pull is very strong. Its made me realise what kind of love it is possible to experience.

ANSWER
2 days ago
I was in the same situation and went for it. Had an affair for 4 months. He broke off the affair, I felt rejected and told my then Husband. We have now been divorced 3 years, I have remarried, my ex husband is engaged and the friend... well He tried to contact me 12 months after the fact, I told him to f**k off and so hear he is divorced now too.
Cheating is shit but In hindsight, myself and my ex husband are so much happier without each other.

ANSWER
3 days ago
Been in a similaar situation and I chose not to ignore it ... and I cheated. It made be realise how unhappy I was in my marriage. My friend decided after 9 months to try and work on his marriage and stay with his wife. I am choosing to leave mine and be happy again. The hardest thing about everything that happened was losing our friendship. I actually miss that most of all.

REPLY
2 days ago
I’m a cheater too and I understand the missing of the friendship. Friends don’t put each other through that turmoil.

ANSWER
2 days ago
I’ve been in the same position. I went with it. Tried to do it the right way but it didn’t quite work out that way. People were still hurt. I don’t recommend cheating as it created such a mess. However, I’m still with him after 4 years.

REPLY
2 days ago
Still with your AP or still with your SO?

ANSWER
2 days ago
Do you love your spouse? If so, end the friendship with this Spark. If your husband asks why you no longer are available to hang out when Spark is around, make up any excuse. Do not tell your husband about the sexy feelings.

If you do not love your husband, then think of Spark’s wife. Put yourself in her position. Would you be happy if your spouse had sexy feelings for someone else, let alone a friend?
Are children involved? Are these children friends?
Now let that sit with you for a while and reflect.
If you cannot ignore your sexy feelings, get a vibrator!

REPLY
2 days ago
I actually disagree about lying to your husband about the spark. Doing this would be difficult to hear but it shows your vulnerability and there may be a problem in the marriage that you can now address together.

ANSWER
2 days ago
How do you avoid the person your attracted to when he works where you work ? Both of us are married , however I feel like mine is going nowhere & want more from life . He seems to be in a happy & stable marriage . How do you turn your feelings off ? Nothing will come of it as it’s only me that has a little spark for him .

REPLY
2 days ago
I feel for you, I'm in the same predicament but it's mutual feelings... We both put a stop to it before it became physical but I think we formed an emotional connection. It's hard. We work in different departments but still have to see each other a lot. I try avoid him the best I can or ensure someone else is around too so we're never alone. I've tried cutting contact outside of work but get a wee flutter when I see he's the first to watch my insta story 🤦‍♀️ I'm just drawn to him and I don't really know why....

ANSWER
3 days ago
Think of the consequences, sparks don’t last forever! Grass isn’t always greener etc. get yourself out of the situation, avoid contact! If it’s a genuine connection it’ll still be there in years to come if things don’t work out with your marriage or his. If you cheat it’s just wrong and hurtful.also , Ask yourself if you’re happy in your marriage . I was cheated on and have 5 kids. I know the hurt it caused me and the kids due to their very selfish behaviour. It was his best mates fiancé . He hasn’t got many friends left these days and lost lots of respect from his family and I have massive distaste to the ‘woman’ he is with now . Just messy stuff , would not recommend it for a spark

ANSWER
3 days ago
Yes, I didn’t ignore it though. I had an open and honest conversation with my husband about it, it was one of his old friends- who had recently become single. We had developed a good friendship connection also and things just developed more from there. We had been married approx 3 1/2yrs at this stage, together much longer and I confessed I had feelings for his mate. He said he could see it ‘a mile away’ at our baby shower for our first child- he laughed at how stressed I had become over my confession telling me it was ok. I don’t love my husband any less, let me make that very clear. We seriously discussed everything and decided to ‘open’ our marriage with certain guidelines and rules. We both are well grounded and in a loving relationship, although he has not gone down the path of sleeping with another woman past the few times we had a threesome with another woman, I did sleep regularly with his friend until he decided to pursue a relationship then we ceased any form of intimacy. There is no weirdness or jealousy between the two men either.

ANSWER
3 days ago
My husband managed to keep an affair from me for 5 or 6 years! We had a kid and I was pregnant, I was very angry and hurt of course but I stayed with him cos it was just easier. . I kinda wish I didn't. I have a spark with someone I can't have cos he has a girlfriend and I'm married. My advice is you only live once so do what makes you happy!

ANSWER
4 days ago
I have a similar situation but I’m super unhappy with my marriage.... Gets very tempting...

REPLY
3 days ago
Please leave your current partner first, being cheated on absolutely f$&king sucks

ANSWER
3 days ago
Do you want to try something with him or work on your marriage? Decide now as if you "let things go.." the decision will be made for you. If you want to work on your marriage, avoid him where possible. 100 %avoid him when if alcohol is involved. Make sure someone else is around. Confide in a trusted friend to help keep you apart. Good luck. Xx

ANSWER
3 days ago
I have a very big spark with someone else who is not my husband. He is an old friend of mine. Back in the day we kissed a few times while drunk but nothing more.
We remained friends. Hubby knows. He is also married and his wife knows that we still chat every now and then over Facebook (we don't have each other's numbers) it's just chemistry I can't explain it. I was tempted a few years ago when hubby and I were almost going to seperate but we decided to work on our marriage and I am soooooo glad I didn't take it any further. He was also tempted, we spoke about it as his marriage was on the downfall aswell. Mine got better. His didn't. But I stopped contact like that as he was wanting more and I wasn't. Sorry for my ramble hahaha.

ANSWER
4 days ago
Yes it has happened to me before. Someone I worked with there was definite chemistry. We were both in relationships with other people, and nothing happened. He moved back home overseas and that was the end of that,. So my advice is where possible, put some distance between the two of you if you think you could be tempted. You can’t do much about chemistry and who you are attracted to but you can control what you do with it.

ANSWER
4 days ago
I had this but it turned out that insane spark was nothing more than similar personalities. In my case it turned into a wonderful platonic friendship but I also had to acknowledge that the spark itself wasn’t going to be threatening to my relationship. A few years on now and he has found himself the perfect partner and we are all good friends. If you can trust yourself not to cheat and you trust him not to push boundaries then he isn’t a threat and you could build a platonic friendship but if for any reason you believe this could ruin your marriage then you need to build a nice big wall between the two of you and never, ever be alone in the same room together for even a minute as well as cut all other forms of contact that aren’t necessary.

ANSWER
8 days ago
It happened to me but turned into a full blown affair. Do not cross that line! You will get caught, eventually..

ANSWER
8 days ago
I have intense chemistry with a man at work. It's hard! I try to avoid him but then its sort of weirder. I have no advice sorry.....