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Has anybody else noticed a trend of selfish grandparents??

Answered 2 months ago

I've noticed an increase in the trend of selfish grandparents,
having done 'their time' is completely beside the point when the reason we exist is to form connections & spend time with those we love. We are very family orientated with 2 kids (4, 14) I love elderly people and always knew when both our parents are older I will care for them in my home. It's unfathomable that the only people who you should be able to rely upon are too busy with their own social affairs to bother. older people then wonder why they're left in lonely care homes? You get out of a relationship what you put in! And who on earth came up with the phrase that grandparents are not a 'dumping ground' who on earth would call it that?? Your grandchildren are your FLESH AND BLOOD it's not like your spending time with someone else's kids - If you can't be there for your family in a world where hardships and stresses are everywhere then don't expect anyone to pay an interest in you when you're older.

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Answers

ANSWER
2 months ago
You have no ideal what your talking about other generation had to do to make it . There where no social weekends dumping kids at grandparents ... you are a selfish generation that think everyone owes you somethings

REPLY
1 month ago
Who said anything about social weekends? I’m talking about a basic general interest And to offer a hand when when you’re in hospital Or bed ridden sick and husband has work. In the very rare time I have asked for help I offered money for their snacks and bought them dinner even though they don’t work and are very well off. I’m extremely grateful for any help but some people are genuinely selfish. What’s so hard to understand about that?

REPLY
20 days ago
Ok boomer

REPLY
4 days ago
Thats bullshit. My grandparents were AMAZING we were there all the time and "dumped off' but I think the difference between these generations is that our grandparents WANTED to spend time with us. This generation of grandparents think "they did their time" as if being a parent was a jail sentence. If you think that way... Dont have children. Seriously. I think the previous generation of grandparents did a little too much and were too involved to the point the parents didnt really have to actually take care of their children. School or grandparents did and other than that we played outside til dusk. Dont ever think we are entitled because we dont want uninvolved grandparents and want them to be like the people who raised them, loving and THERE.

ANSWER
3 months ago
What makes me so angry, is the fact that most of these parents, had help when we were growing up, they had a village, family to help them raise us. Back then, must families only had one working parent, while the other stayed home with the kids. They still had help, from their own parents and family, to just get a break. Now you can't survive with one working member of the household, so both parents work, and there's no help to watch kids.

REPLY
1 month ago
Absolutely, my kids grandparents had their own parents basically raise their children so I don’t understand the lack of interest.... I guess the best way I can see it is that some people are more shallow and materialistic, not too interested in the anything but the present moment and their own lives.

ANSWER
3 years ago
The trend is real, anyone disagreeing is a selfish resentful and probably greedy grandparent (most millennial have to pay for a grandparent to see the grandchild). You can’t get angry that your adult children saw the example that their grandparents set in the past and expect a little of the same from you. Somewhere in the 70s to 90s, family became something temporary and to get away from as much as possible. But that’s not how any of this works. If you thought you could be a part of a family for 18 years or even 25 years and fuck off afterwards, you shouldn’t have had kids. I’m sure most of these grandparents aren’t all that busy and just don’t want to be helpful or “feel” like a grandparent. Like we get it, you’re not a daycare. Stop letting your resentment keep you from meaningful time with grandkids and HELPING your kid have a crumb of a social life once in a while. Yes I said help your child, you can’t just cut off your offspring and long-standing CUSTOMS unless you’re ready for customs of elderly care to not apply to you.

REPLY
2 years ago
You hit the nail on the head - agree 100%

REPLY
2 years ago
Thank you it’s like all of these people disagreeing with the original comment really need to go check theirselves in for some quality with a mental professional because they’re making it obvious that they have some pent up resentment for how they were treated. Well one thing is for sure they need to realize that they are only setting their offspring will eventually find their happiness with their family and they will be stuck with the bitterness they had while living to their graves. Instead of trying to set an example and be different from the bad lessons they were taught it seems like a lot of people would like to does bitter and without anyone their to love them. What we need to just remember as an upcoming generation is not to only say we don’t want to be the same as this bitter people, we must define the good values that we must keep. To be kind, show compassion and remember that once you create another beautiful person you should remember they didn’t ask to be here.

REPLY
2 years ago
Also what people fail to forget is that raising a child is hard to do alone and if you are the parent of a single mother or father or even a two parent home, so the parents of these people should know how hard it is and want to help. Your role as a parent never ceases, and if you think that is a job that you just relinquish when they turn 18 then you should have never had them. This specifically goes for the people who believe that if those who are struggling to take care of their kids should have never had them. Having a child is a blessing not a burden and people really need to wake up and see this.

REPLY
10 months ago
That is absolutely right. It is not all grandparents, but I have some. I have never left any of my kids alone with any of their grandparents and I never will. I remember my daughter then 2 (now 17) was just learning to talk. She kept trying to see what my father was doing. He grabbed her by the ear and and started pulling her and screaming at her. I came over told him to let go and told him to never do that again. He looked at me and said "she needs to learn that big people can hurt little people." I said no dad you need to learn the rules of my house. So my mother says "the only rule these kids need to know is they should do whatever we say." That is the kind of relationship they want, so none of their grandkids want to be around them and neither do I. Strangely they expect us to take care of them when they have health issues. That isn't how relationships work.

REPLY
8 months ago

REPLY
2 months ago
I disagree, because all grandparents i know are nothing like this at all.
With the exception of one friend who's mum became a drug addict and she cut out of her life.. this does not resonate with myself or any parent i know or am friends with.

REPLY
2 months ago
Unbelievable!!! really you need a social life!!
My god parents worked, sacrificed and mist probably didnt dump you off to someone else's care to have a social life.
The world has gone completely mad!!!

REPLY
2 months ago
No the children your expecting someone.else to look after did not ask to be here. You gave birth to them, to raise and love and care for. If you thought at any stage that they were to be the responsibility or you expected your parents to have to look after them or at least now and [email protected]! Maybe you should not of gad kids !!

REPLY
2 months ago
Well i hope you will be there for your children and never cease to be in hand when needed

ANSWER
5 months ago
Yup. Or if they do help they ignore your families boundaries on what the kids can and cant do or eat.

A lot of the comments seem like it hit a personal note and made people a bit angry. Oh well. Yes there is this newer age grandparents especially grandmothers who had help with their own kids but refuse to do anything for some reason even attend family dinners for kids birthdays. I think a lot of mental health issues and perhaps jealousy of the younger generation and way things are leave them bitter. Them they wonder when their grandkids are teens they want nothing to do with them because they barley know them

REPLY
2 months ago
Maybe they are tired and worn out

REPLY
2 months ago
Newer age grandparents like grandparents before them have workef their asses off until they are in their 70s unless they have won lotto or inherited a shit load of money.
I'm 50 2 grandkids 5 an 11. I work 40hrs plus a week.and am totally emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm going through menopause which sucks shit !!! I don't go out partying or sleep.in, I don't have hobbies as I truly don't have time or the energy. My life is busier now that my children have grown up and left home. I.have worked all my life and when I had children, not once did I think someone else should look.after my kids so i can have some time to myself or a life. My children were my life.
My parents worked hard, are battlers who keep going . They in their old age at 75 are still working. Mum just been through Chemo for bowel cancer. See the sad fact is all your parents will end up with a disease and die of heart attack, cancer, stroke etc. or accident.
Your harshness is sad and your expectations very unreasonable.
If you read this and think it's a load of crap well that's ok. Myself and your parents will.soon leave this earth and then you will be happy and can keep ranting how bad we were.
But please in your old age or young age when you become a grandparent and your tired and your hormones are wreaking havoc. You better be their babysitting, letting your children have a social life and bending over backwards to be the STAR GRANDPARENT you expected of your parents .

ANSWER
2 months ago
May I ask.how old are your children

ANSWER
2 months ago
Perhaps the grandparents in question, do not resent their grandchildren, but perhaps are sick of their entitled children putting unrealistic expectations on their parents? And are avoiding their grandchildren because they need to limit contact with their children?

REPLY
2 months ago
Well.saud

ANSWER
6 months ago
the issue with people critiscising your post is that they seem to forget that most of these selfish grandparents had the support they arent giving.

REPLY
3 months ago
Exactly! They had help, we're not expecting them to be a daycare, but a little help once in a while would be nice! They had that help from their own parents! When I become a grandmother, I will help my children with my grandkids. At least to let my kids have a break, go on a date night, go to the doctor, etc. I feel grand parents these days have a 'I've done my time' mentality, when they're forgetting they had help.

REPLY
2 months ago
No people critisizing the post did not have grandparents looking after them. I loved my 4 grandparents and not once did i get looked after by them so my parents could have a social life. my parents were wonderful but I never expected them to have a day off work or interupt their life so I could "have a social life" when i had kids.
My parents worked hard and I have taken on their hard work.ethic. I always said when I had my first child at 25 us " I DID NOT HAVE KIDS FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO LOOK AFTER" and my partner agreed.

ANSWER
10 months ago
Selfish grandparents should be saving their money for a nursing home.
I used to work in them.
When you're sitting in your soiled diaper or youve taken a fall, calling out for the help you don't get for a while, take a minute to think about the opportunity you could've had being a part of a healthy family dynamic and in turn being loved and cared for when you need it.
Just remember that.

REPLY
10 months ago
The comment is still here. Elderly people will still end up in nursing homes if they aren't able to live independently , the relationship with the kids won't have any bearing on them sitting in dirty nappies all day. Most of us won't have the time, space or ability to care for aging parents. The most caring of grandparents can end up with their kids and grand kids living miles away. If someone wants to travel, volunteer, or just sit in front of the tv rather than care for their grand kids all day that is up to them. Their grand kids won't have memories of them and that's sad, but grand kids are not an obligation.

REPLY
10 months ago
In Asian culture, yes. But let's face it we do not have time, space, money or resources to look after our elderly family. Before one of my grandparents passed away they were able to call us when they had a fall, but it was always while my brother and i were working. He works out of town and i work in a hospital, so it was hard to get out of work long enough to assist him. Before he passed away we were looking into nursing homes because neither of us were able to care for him and he had deteriorated too much for home care services.
Personally I'm glad he passed away before this decision was made because it's not something any of us wanted for him including himself.
He was not selfish but it was not possible to take on that kind of care and supporr he physically needed

REPLY
2 months ago
What a disgusting comment.
Aged carers work really hard to provide best care for their residents and families come in to see their loved one they just don't have the capacity to care for them at home.
Their are families who try to keep a parent or grandparents at home, but when the dementia is too severe they know they need specialised care.
Don't make families feel guilty for accessing dementia specific or Aged care services.
This comment has made me so angry! If you worked in a nursing home and you neglected people in such a way, that is because you are an awful person, not the resident/ grandparents! 😡

REPLY
2 months ago
Far out that is harsh. Your parents worked hard to provide for their own kids and sacrificed alot for their own kids and now your expecting them to do it all again in their older years. Hope you are a wonderful parent and you better vecthere for your grandkids

ANSWER
3 months ago
I know this was along time ago asked but I see it differently. I am youngest of 6, my parents gave us a good life on one wage. We saw our grandparents as much as possible living in different towns. My dads dad lived with us when he couldn't live alone on/off for years between his other kids till he finally just stayed for good. He was a grumpy demanding man but by the end mellowed. During this time my mums mum needed care also so she came to live with us too. I just took it as normal and no big deal. Later I realized how much extra work mum had to do. So here is my parents with 4 children still at home/school and 2 adults to run around after. Jump to now. They are in their late 80's and still involved in their children's lives plus the 18 grandchildren and 8 partners, 3 step grandchildren + partners, 12 great grandchildren and various in laws /extended elderly family. Every birthday we all get a card and phone call. Think about that. 57+ people to have time for and lives to keep up with . Until 3 yrs ago my olds had Christmas lunch at their home. Imagine at 83/84yrs old catering for 50+ people extended over 3 days.
Great role models and that is passed to all they have touched. What you are shown growing up effects how you act, if had a negative effect then it's up to YOU to change it for your family. Many older people would love to be involved in children's lives. So if your own blood wont be involved find non blood role models and make your own family. Leave behind the negative and make a positive example for your kids 💞💕🤗

ANSWER
5 months ago
Not everyone is into children especially not grandchildren. When you are older you have medical issues that often do not allow caring for youngsters possible. Wait until it is your turn, do not judge.

REPLY
5 months ago
My in laws work
They are 55 and 60

ANSWER
5 months ago
I can't agree with you… my parents and my husband's parents have indeed "done their time" raising their children, and now it's our turn. Why should they retire, just to become unpaid childcare workers so their own children can go to work? They have worked hard their whole lives, and now it's time for them to live for themselves. I'm happy that they enjoy spending time with their grandchildren, but it's always for leisure, not to look after them for me! I'm there to change the nappies and wipe the noses, they are there to spoil them and play. You're forgetting that these grandchildren are also the FLESH AND BLOOD of the parents themselves. We as parents ultimately have the responsibility of the care of our children, and trying to lay it on the grandparents is a selfish and entitled attitude.

REPLY
4 years ago
I think some parents are the selfish ones and have such high (and demanding) expectations of grandparents. My parents are only in their early 50's and both work full-time, I respect that they need their own time and have their own life's. I don't expect them to be on call to look after my kids...in saying that I know my parents would always help if I needed it (i just don't take advantage of them)!

REPLY
4 years ago
"Done my time" shits me to tears. Kids are not chores.

Iv not done my time it's a preclude to spend time with my grandkids a few days a week.

When I singed up to parenting my "time" is done when I'm dead

My own parents gave every for us and it's my turn to pay it forward... and you know what my mum will be surrounded by every single one of her kids and grand kids and great grandkids on her deathbed because she didn't just do her 18years then got outta that shit hole...

I had a family to have relationships... I'll be done with my relationships with them when I'm done with life

REPLY
4 years ago
As usual there's always someone who doesn't get the point (like you) I'm not talking about childcare - that's what a childcare centre or the parents are for. Im talking about the complete lack of interest to build a bond / relationship with your family and grandkids, I would never ever expect grandparents to watch them while I work but I do expect a little help occasionally (maybe once a month or fortnight) because that's what a close family does! I have strong family values and spend a lot of time having fun with my children, I genuinely find it sad if kids don't have any extended family who show interest and no matter which way you put it, it's darn selfish.

REPLY
4 years ago
Maybe 'done their time' means the time when your kids are very young and they need constant care and attention. Of course you're always a parent until you die, no matter how old your kids.....but most parents do not need to drive their adult kids to work. Or prepare their meals. Or read them stories.

REPLY
4 years ago
You're very family orientated and that's great. But have you spoken to your parents about their selfishness? I feel that parents have high expectations. Back into day kids didn't get dropped at school, they walked, they played on the street and they did t get toys every weekend. When I speak to my dad he tells me of the massive hardship he had but never once says it as a negative. His mother lost her parents in the war and travelled by boat from Europe to NZ with her one month deaf baby expecting to be eaten by the cannibles. She farmed and raised five kids. She made her friends and did her best, but certainly never expected to be perfect like we do. When I met her as a child I didn't view her highly, in fact I saw her as eating a lot and srubborn(she died when I was 18). Juxtapose that to our life today and I could see why grandparents think we are crazy. Carrying on about the newest kindergartens and homework. We are a world away and each have a different view understandably

REPLY
3 years ago
Young children are very exhausting even if you are just playing and hanging out with them. I think people underestimate the toll this takes on older people. My mum and dad are what I would say 'young' grandparents. Mum is 54 and Dad is 56. My parents love the grandkids obviously, but i can see the toll that 'just playing' has on them. They enjoy it, but I can definitely sense when they are ready to sit down and put their feet up for 5 and have some time out. Just think - many parents find juggling work life and the energy to have time for their own kids. How do you think grandparents feel? They have been their and done all this and are generally pooped come retirement time. I think we underestimate the energy of young children have and while they love grand kids, it can take it's toll on some older people who have lived a full life and 'been there done that'. I also don't think it 'registers' to many older people to chime in and help out as generally...they didn't have that help

REPLY
5 months ago
Amen. I agree with you so much. I don’t see a trend of selfish grandparents. I see a trend of entitled parents

ANSWER
7 months ago
My in laws are 55 and 60 and have full time jobs

ANSWER
7 months ago
The kids aren’t their responsibility

ANSWER
7 months ago
I am now a grandparent. I have three grown children and the oldest, married, and turned Catholic is choosing to have a large family. She is now expecting #4. I live close by and am the only involved grandparent because the in-laws live in Brazil. I see them once to twice a week, watch them and play for not more than 2 hrs., and leave exhausted. I'm still working, am remarried, and trying to enjoy this time of my life. I had a very troubled marriage with their father, was under stress constantly, and tried to be as good of a mother as I could given the circumstance. This is the first peaceful time I've experienced since my children were launched and responsible for their lives and I divorced their father, so I am protective of my time, who I choose to spend that with, the energy I have to expend and how to use it. I love my grandchildren and give them all my attention when I am with them. I don't make apologies for not wanting to see them every day and spend time with them. I want it always to be a joy when I am with them, not the feeling of obligation or resentment. I am available for the emergency as well as being helpful for appointments, occasional parent nite out, but I do not want to be a babysitter for extended periods. I want to be the happy Nana they love to see coming. (There are some grandparents who want to be with their grandchildren all the time, and that's fine, but I don't want to be judged because I don't feel that way) There are some that are completely disinterested and that is very sad for both generations. Children need as many loving adults in their lives as possible because this world is harsh and suffering is inevitable, but love will see you through. I think I am in the middle of these extremes. I do as much as I feel to do, sometimes when needed and I don't feel like doing, but understand I'm needed. As long as nobody tries to guilt me or pressure me into their idea of what I'm supposed to do as a grandparent and respects my rights as a person, then the relationship will flourish. The grandchildren will know their Nana loves them and feel it.

ANSWER
7 months ago
Grandparents are not childcare centres. They should not be EXPECTED to just pick up the ball when you need a cater. They should be completely free to see their grandchildren on their own terms. A lot of grandparents have very active working and social lives and taking that time for themselves after raising their own family does not make them selfish.

ANSWER
7 months ago
Yes I have selfish grand parents

ANSWER
8 months ago
No but I’ve noticed a trend of lazy and useless parents

ANSWER
8 months ago
Parents aka grandparents are seflish.

ANSWER
8 months ago
I have the opposite problem, greedy grandparents who won't leave us alone. No joke when they don't respect boundaries, manipulate to get their way and expect priory. If I had honesty not put an end to it I think my kids would have become their kids and I would have just been a surrogate. I' m still on friendly terms for my kids and hubby sake, but I honesty would not care seeing them again otherwise.

ANSWER
8 months ago
I think the problem is that you yourself are being selfish. What gives you the right to expect your parents to look after your children? If you can’t look after them, don’t have children. Simple.

ANSWER
4 years ago
I'm in two minds about this.

On one hand I agree, and wish my parents and in-laws wanted to look after my children more.

But on the other hand, our society has changed so much....

It use to be everyone was at home. So grandma (who hadn't been working for the last 20+ years, if at all), was ready and waiting to help look after her grandchildren. And to give Mum (also a sahm), a bit of a break for date night or so Mum could go grocery shopping, take other children to appointments etc.

Where as now, grandma has only just retired herself and is being asked to watch her grandchildren 8+ hours a day so Mum can work.

Life is so hard now for both working Mums and SAHMs.

REPLY
4 years ago
Love your angle

REPLY
4 years ago
I think you have a wise outlook on this, but women not working after having kids is actually a 60s / 70s thing. Before that they always worked. My grandparents and their grandparents did.

REPLY
4 years ago
I think you have said that before, about it being a new age thing for women to not work, but I haven't seen this. Work in what way?

REPLY
4 years ago
Mothers have always been the main care givers. You are probably thinking of both wars when alot of men were away and women had to go to work to fill positions and feed their families. Then as more women were widowed because of the war they had to continue to work, things probably didn't go back to "normal" until the 50's or 60's.

REPLY
4 years ago
Even the Queen worked as a mechanic during WW2, but that was before she became a mum.

REPLY
4 years ago
umm no, women always worked in factories, in bookeeping, as cooks, cleaners, on farms, all sorts of occupations. Nothing to do with the war.

REPLY
4 years ago
women have always been the main caregivers but its not true that they didnt use to work as well. They usually did until the 60s and 70s. And in many other countries even then. The sahm is a recent white middle class phenomena.

REPLY
3 years ago
Good insight, thanks.

REPLY
3 years ago
My grandma on my mum's side worked, my grandma and great grandma and great great granny on my dad's side worked. Factory work mostly (dunno if they did before industrial revolution).
I work now, about 50 hours a week, I don't have time for anyone else that doesn't live in my house, And my parents work shift work, and have busy lives. My brother and wife work too. The struggle is real when we try to organise a family catchup. No one has time but we know we love each other and occasionally groUp chat on messenger lol. My parents aren't even at retirement age yet, and when they are my kids will be late teens/20ish, they don't have time, I don't have time, everyone has to work for a living, maybe if you voted for a government who didn't expect people to work till 70 and didn't cut penalty rates so we have to work more hours to be able to afford life, grandparents would have time haha

REPLY
1 year ago
Bullshit my mother was sahm in the 80s. It's not a new thing. Where do you get your facts from?

REPLY
10 months ago
I get my facts from the women in my life who ALL worked, and were all working parents???

REPLY
10 months ago
I don't mind helping them out but I am tied down being daycare for 4 kids 5 days a week. This is not what I envisioned when I thought about being a grandma. All day

REPLY
10 months ago
So you would be 1 person, hardly factually

REPLY
10 months ago
I grew up 80/90s but in my friend group at school
1 mum owned her own shop
1 worked as a bank manager
1 was nurse
1 did accounting for her husband's small business
2 were stay at home farmers wives
2 worked at woolworths and still do to this day
Most of the female teachers who had kids sent their kids to our school.
I really only have experience my whole life with working mums actually
Even in my own social group as an adult.

ANSWER
10 months ago
Bottom line...you get out of a relationship what you put in. A grandparent is entitled to go about their life without being involved with their grandchildren, this is true. These grandparents, however, should not expect to build this relationship when they slow down near the end of their life because by then the grandchildren have grown up without this connection. Grandparents who make the time to be with their grandchildren will benefit from this nurtured relationship as they age.

ANSWER
3 years ago
In the old days people retired at 60 or 55

REPLY
10 months ago
Yes we're getting robbed and who can we blame for that one?

ANSWER
4 years ago
My mum is 55 and works 50 hours a week and my dad works 30 hours a week
My mother in law works 70'hours a week with her hubby as business owners
They have 13 grandkids age from 1 week to 4 years

REPLY
4 years ago
LOL

REPLY
10 months ago
And?....

ANSWER
4 years ago
No, I havent noticed that trend at all amongst people I know!

On a different note, Its very naive to say that elderly people are dumped in nursing homes. We all (whole family) put a lot of time and effort into keeping my gran in her own home for as long as possible but she had to go to a nursing home for her own safety because we all work so couldnt be there with her 24/7 and she would turn on the oven or whatever and forget.
We visit her all the time, she is not 'dumped' at all.

REPLY
10 months ago
A lot of elderly are left in nursing homes, but I think the two are linked. If elderly get along with all the generations they continue to be part of the family. Everyone loves them and they are part of their lives. If they isolate themselves and don't want to be around sick kids (which little kids are always sick). Aren't interested in what the kids are doing and aren't part of holidays etc. well then who would want someone staying with them that is like that?

ANSWER
3 years ago
Not everybody is a 'people or kids' person. Some people love their grandchildren, but, after a while just really need to get the hell away from them. Your parents have done 'their time' raising small children to be adults. They probably enjoy the odd small visit, but that's it. The don't have to be any more involved than that. I think you are coming from this as a 'for the children/relationships' perspective for the sake of the readers, but secretly also enjoy the chance to 'tune out' when you're kids are buzzing all around their grandparents and would like more of that, labelling it as a 'visit' but not the guilt of calling it 'child care'. You're resentful 'if you can't put in now, don't expect anyone to care for you later...' attitude is gross. They have put in now, by raising YOU and giving YOU the best chance they could E.g. instead of just doing something for the nature of goodwill, you are looking at it with a 'you do for me, I do for you..' attitude. Maybe they are backing off for a reason, so you step up, sort your shit, suck it up, you're a whinger, spoilt, your kids are brats? As some people age they lose their tolerance and need more time out. You are all about you and what 'you and your kids need'. Try asking 'why don't they want to be around us...?'

REPLY
3 years ago
Wow you’re a disgusting person with all that judgement, firstly you know nothing about this situation and ar making a huge bunch of assumptions, you’re a know it all who’s judgmental and assumes everything, quite gross attitude to have when you know nothing of a situation, my kid never buzzes around his grandparents because they’re never here so has never been able to form a bond you idiot, if they happen to see him now they have to try and get his attention because they see him only a couple of times a year. he isn’t interested in them anymore that chance is gone. They never looked after me or gave me the ‘best chance’ I could.....what the hell are you on about?? It’s like you’ve made up this huge fairy world or me and made it your truth lol do you have any idea the abuse my husband suffered ya the hands of his parents (mainly step dad) growing up?? So shut up and stop painting them as these angelic creatures when you know nothing about this situation idiot

REPLY
3 years ago
Wow your reaction as a bit over top to this anonymous random response. Calm the farm and move on. People interpret things and have their own opinion. You have flipped out.

REPLY
3 years ago
Its not an opinion I have a problem with, it’s all the insane assumptions she made, then in the end calling me a whinger and spoilt, that my kids are brats ect. That I’m secretly resentful and am only wanting their visits so I can have ‘free childcare’ ect. Then assuming they gave me ‘the best start in life’ I wonder if the person who responded to my post actually has some kind of mental problem? I’ve never in my life heard of anyone making such crazy assumptions of a complete stranger - it’s lunacy 😂

REPLY
10 months ago
Heathy relationships are reciprocal. If you don't want to be involved in someone's life that is fine, They shouldn't expect the person to be there for them. So yes uninvolved grandparents get to rot in a nursing home.

ANSWER
10 months ago
I feel like everyone is selfish and self entitled. Don't just blame grandparents

REPLY
10 months ago
True story

REPLY
10 months ago
Oh absolutely, I wrote this question a few years ago so was talking more from personal experience but I have absolutely seen some very entitled parents.

ANSWER
10 months ago
My kids grandparents just retired and moved interstate to spend more time with their grandkids who are now teenagers. And the kids don't want to spend any time with them because they're teenagers, its not cool, theyd rather hang out with their buddies.
So you cant win

REPLY
10 months ago
I’m the original poster who asked this question a few years ago, I find that very sad....especially since the grandparents moved there to be closer 😢 I think kids - even teenagers should be taught to show an interest in the elderly...even if they don’t like it because it’s a social skill necessary for life later on. Not just that but family values are sadly not being taught as much anymore either. Did the grandparents live near the kids when they were younger at all?

ANSWER
10 months ago
Both sets of Grandparents leave a lot to be desired. Both sets are retired, never see the kids and we live only a few minutes drive from them. They call on the phone and are fake about asking how are the kids. The kids are getting older now and they see them for what they are - shallow selfish people, who only care about themselves. They are quick enough to call me when they want something. I cant wait until they are older and need nursing care - it will be my turn at the wheel then to play that game!

ANSWER
1 year ago
I'm late to this conversation but wanted to weigh in. I'm a 53 y.o. grandmother who sometimes resents the (very adorable) grandchild coming for the weekend while the parents get a weekend off. I still work fulltime and have my 11 year old at home too. My days off are necessary for recharging. Also, I don't recall my parents dropping me off for the weekends with my grandparents and leaving. Visits were family visits, with everyone there. I want to see my grandson but I want to see my son and daughter-in-law too. When I hear my grandson has been with his other grandparents the previous weekend, I become a bit nonplussed.

ANSWER
1 year ago
My guess is that your view if “elderly people” is that they are not as important as you. When was the last time you reached out to them to really see what their true needs are? My step grandchildren, who are bit my FLESH AND BLOOD only have time for getting together to meet their needs- what I can do for them. We only get together fir kids’ school and sports events and birthday parties where it is expected that a gift is included. A thank you is never given, and no communication is given on either their grand father’s or my birthday not to mention any other parent-related situation. I have witnessed a total one-way relationship, and life is simply to short for that. We love them, but we also respect ourselves. That is NOT being selfish.

ANSWER
1 year ago
They’ve raised their kids and it isn’t their responsibility to raise yours. They can do as they please

ANSWER
2 years ago
My daughter in law and hubby see us as babysitters, pure and simple. So stop sugar coating it with this crap about family time. They come over with an agenda, hit us up for more free day care so they can run around.

REPLY
2 years ago
Your son and daughter in law you mean?

REPLY
2 years ago
The fact that you consider looking after YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD (your grandkids) as free daycare is disgusting to say the least. What kind of a sociopath are you? They’re not strangers their your family god forbid the poor parents want your help occasionally. People like you make me sick with your detached selfish attitude. I look after my grandchildren as if they were my own I can’t fathom people like you exist.

ANSWER
3 years ago
My in-laws are so self absorbed. My MIL drives me insane. We've never had any help from them with the kids and that has just hurt so much because my own grandparents were so loving and wanted to be involved. My in-laws love their life, socialising, volunteering etc, which is great, but they never give any of their time to us. The only reason my kids see my in-laws is because I make the effort to visit and foster a relationship with them. They favour my SILs kids over mine, even buying them more presents at Christmas one year and assuming we wouldn't care. My in-laws never offer to help and I have to give them heaps of notice about things like grandparents Day at school, and then my MIL acts like she should get the Nobel peace prize for showing up once! Any favour they do for us is seen as a HUGE sacrifice. I don't ask them to babysit for an evening anymore cos it's clearly an imposition. My husband and I have struggled so much over the years and never had any help from our inlaws which would have made such a difference. They fool themselves that they are involved, caring grandparents but they are not. And it breaks my heart. If we could help each other more in our society life would be so much better for everyone. I 100% agree with the poor mum who made the first post. It's horrible to have inlaws that are so selfish and entitled that they can't spare a little of their time to ease the burden on their families. Who will look after them in their old age when they have set an example of selfishness? Will they have to reap what they sow? I'm scared my anger at them will make me too bitter to help them when that time comes.

REPLY
2 years ago
Let your sister in law take care of it since she's the favorite...if you are really worried & want to be proactive move further away. Sounds like they're no help anyway.

REPLY
2 years ago
I completely agree with you!

In our family, we have 3 grandparents. All retired. Early 60s. No health problems.

My MIL chucked her husband in a nursing home where he died shortly thereafter. She chucked her mum there too.

She demands to never go to a nursing home and hints I will be looking after her in my home and it’s mh duty! Woman is delusional! She has never babysat even once but instead she, along with the other grandparents has made our lives harder during pregnancies and newborn periods.


I too fear I will be too bitter to do more than drive them to doctors appointments! Meanwhile my SIL killed herself and my brother has been sucidal for a few years. I guess our parents really did their time well and deserve a break.. (both sides were abusice and neglectful to us kids).

ANSWER
2 years ago
My dad just retired, before then worked in a job where his roster is opposite the kids school week so didn't see them much. Now he's traveling while he can because he's 70 and he wants to see things before he's too old and the chronic pain takes over.
My kids are still pretty close to him despite the lack of spending time together, I don't think it's Selfish to want to enjoy himself for a while

ANSWER
2 years ago
The selfish grandparents question was 2 years ago but i cannot believe how selfish the person who posted a posted this is. We brought up our children, went without so much during that time. Those children are your responsibility not the grandparents. Unbelievable....

ANSWER
2 years ago
Couples need ME time and children have huge demands on the parents time and attention. It’s called helping a loved one out.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes! My in-laws are so selfish and show no interest in my family or my kids. I think they are just assholes. If they truly cared about my husband and us they would offer to help or want to be apart of our lives. Luckily, my parents are amazing and the kind of grandparents we will be to my grandchildren.

ANSWER
2 years ago
25, single and childfree. Also the youngest of five children and caregiver of a disabled military veteran mother. She will be 50 this year and became a grandmother at 35 when her 15 yr old daughter brought home a baby. You can bet that every single time my older sister and one of my brothers calls or Facebook messages Mama it's because they want somebody to be bothered with their kids or money from her monthly disability check for something the kids supposedly need. These grown adults who laid down and got children as teens still want to burden their ailing mother. And I see the stress it causes her and it irks me to no end. So I help Tired Nanna get some peace and quiet and keep her money for herself by ignoring phone calls,erasing messages, and reminding the world that this woman has raised her own children already. You would be surprised how little Mama hears from her own children when they realize she isn't a free babysitter or cash machine for kids she didn't have. Suits me and her just fine. We're planning a trip from USA to Canada to celebrate her 50th birthday and aren't worried at all about the 7 grandchildren she's been burdened with!

ANSWER
2 years ago
My mother in law is 51. She hasn't spoken to her son in over 2 years, let alone thy grandkids.

If you don't have any expectations of what grandparents should do, you can't be disappointed.

ANSWER
3 years ago
If you want children be prepared to raise them your self. My parents didn't have my grandparents to babysit me or my sister. My parents didn't babysit for me often. Only when the childcare was closed, after they retired and if I could get off work. It was my responsibility to manage my child's needs whether it was day to day or child care. I have no desire to be a full time, frequent or even occasional baby sitter. I still work full time and my time off from work is filled with my own duties and responsibilities of running a household. Why should a parent need a sitter to go run errands or get groceries? It is part of being an adult and part of being a parent. Perhaps people should consider all the requirements before they decide to have children. I have raised and am still raising my children. I should be able to have time to do all the things I put on hold to have and raise a family. As a parent you make sacrifices for the sake and benefit of your children. The hope/goal is that one day they will be able to take care of themselves and not need you to manage life for them. This should include that they are able to manage the needs and requirements of adulthood and parenting without my assistance. If I decide to assist, whether with childcare, attending activities, of financially, it should be my choice not expected or required.

REPLY
3 years ago
Your attitude is part of the problem, you sound cold and distant from your parents, not a way I’d like to be, this isn’t about who’s responsibility it is to care for the children - obviously it’s the parents DUH 🙄 my point was that grandparents who aren’t working, are wealthy and have time are too selfish to show an interest in their only grandchild. It’s not normal actually, and if you think it is then you’re what’s wrong with society

REPLY
2 years ago
You sound like the selfish type, glad you’re not my mum. Shame on you

REPLY
2 years ago
Sounds realistic not cold
Goal is that one day kids will be independent and able to look after themselves
Should not be expected to, it should be a choice. Makes sense.

ANSWER
2 years ago
No one should ever rely on anyone to look after their child. It’s the parent/s privilege and duty to do so. I have three children - all past 25 - no kids. I am not willing to be more than a once or twice a week babysitter at night, if they had children. They aren’t mine, but I think that it where you say ‘enough’. Claire

ANSWER
2 years ago
Selfish parents today, want to have their cake and eat it too. Just got the request to babysit 2 kids for a week so they can have "me time in Hawaii. Nope! Don't have kids if you are not committed. Me time seems to be the most important thing to them. Not the upbringing of their children. We have done our time, and get this, WE are in our sixties now!!!! You think you have stress running after young kids? Give me a break!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes I totally agree, todays grandparents are the selfish generation no doubt!

ANSWER
3 years ago
Though i didn't understand who author is supporting,
I would like to share my story.
My grandmother(father's mother) is a lazy woman and talkative and healthy in nature, she never helps my mother in doing regular day activities,
Because for cooking on stove she had to stand for sometime,no need to do all this she can atleast cut the vegetables.
My mother was treated as a slave.
When my mom cooks food,she wouldn't even stand in the kitchen because curry has to be made,instead she takes her phone and calls her daughter,talk to her for more than half an hour.in the morning and in the evening.
For dinner as we have to prepare the food in the evening itself, grandmother (fathers mother)goes outside and gives motivational talk to the neighbours how one should behave in families.
My mom have no idea where the temples are, in general hindus have little bit idea which temple is in which place.she was taken outside very rarely.
My mom was not allowed to go to her hometown,
If mom ,went then this grandmother starts acting as if she is newly married And starts shouting that she dont know where to find sugar in the kitchen.my grandfather (father's father) he too supports her wife.
I recently completed my studies and my sibling is studying.we are helping her in any way possible.
This grandmother doesn't even fold her blankets and will lay it on the bed and that too my mother should do it,
She doesn't even sweep her room,
She doesn't washes her tea glasses even
If my mom didn't do any household work that goes on this grandmothers mind, this grandmother uses her talkative nature and complains to my dad and there will be arguments and sometimes fight .
If my mom is suffering from any diseases
There's nothing change in her,
Even if my mom is sleeping or taking rest,and this grandmother wants something to eat she dont care, she will start shouting that nothing is present on the table,though all the items are present on the table, the reason y she is shouting is because someone should make it for her.
We stay in different rooms while sleeping and i close the doors
If i put on the light in the night for studying or other, this grandmother talks to grandfather that i am purposefully doing it, and here the night means during 9:00 pm to 10:00pm.
This healthy grandmothers regular activities are
watching t.v,
talking on mobile phones for hours,
sit outside and talk about the families in the street, most of that stupid talk about other families are her assumptions.but this degrading others is her FAVOURITE hobby
instead of helping in household activities exactly when her help is needed to mom, she starts doing her hobbies.
I just completed my studies
Recently i was asked to leave my home by my grandfather because i asked him not to watch tv till midnight 1:00am Because i am getting headache and eye swelling
He is watching matches after watching regular serials which he watches for several hours.
I sleep on the bed in hall where tv is there

My mom is suffering from diabetes at the age of 36 ,now she is suffering from spine related problems.
The main reason y mom is still bearing all the pain is because of me and
my sister who is studying.
Even animal's show loyalty, but mom with the tiredness still doing heavy work for the 6 people in the house.
My sister and me helps her whenever mom called us.
We are suffering in hell with the stress given to us by the narscistic grandmother and grandfather.



REPLY
2 years ago
That sounds absolutely horrific what your poor mum had gone through!! Is she still going through this? Are you based in Brisbane? I do much would love to help you guys out if I knew how 😢😢 what a sad situation, your mother and yourself shouldn’t have such a burden

ANSWER
3 years ago
This thread makes me so fucking sad at the state of the world

People are going to look back on their life and say they worked more than they played
They missed their kids childhoods cos of working
They missed their grandkids cos they were working

What a sad society we've become 😞

REPLY
3 years ago
Better than the alternative....my kids had to live in a cardboard box under a bridge because I didn't work😐

REPLY
3 years ago
What about parents these days who expect the world to revolve around them because they’ve popped out babies? My sister in law has put a massive rift between the family. All because she’s spoilt and manipulative and at 3 and almost 6, her poor kids are not turning out well. I shudder to think how they’ll be as teens. My point is, you have kids, look after them. Don’t expect the whole world to be your babysitters. Set an example. Be a good parent.

REPLY
2 years ago
I don't know whether it's the town I live in which has a few anti-social issues, or if it's a trend, but my primary aged son's 4 best friends 3 live with their grand mothers, 1 is in foster care, and my daughter's friend group out of about 10 girls, 2 lives with grandparents, 1 lives with dad, one lives with both parents, the rest mum only, with a significant amount of a parent of these kids in prison.
Seems to me like grandparents are raising their kids these days if that's anything for me to go off

ANSWER
2 years ago
The person I was the closest to in the world was my grandmother. For 16 years I was basically an only child (I had half siblings through my dad's second marriage, who I love, but I lived with my mum and she didn't have my brother until I was 16). My mum was and still is a very present, nurturing mother, but she worked part time, sometimes odd hours (bar work) and I spent a lot of time on weekends staying with her parents. When I was 11, my grandfather started experiencing heart issues, we moved 900km to be closer to them to spend time with them. This meant that I was able build strong loving relationships with both of my grandparents and I was the apple of their eye. They loved spending time with me and vice versa. It wasn't a chore or a duty or something they "had to do". It was called being a family. My mother never asked (exept occassionally), they wanted to spend time with their granddaughter. When I was much younger (between 2 and 7, my dad wasn't married, and worked full time, so I would go and stay with his parents during his every second weekend visits. This also wasn't considered a chore. It was building loving family relationships. Some of my best, warmest memories are with my grandparents, and I cherish those. I only have one grandparent left now. My parents where young when I was born and probably needed help at first, but isn't that what families just do? Reading some of these responses I guess I'm lucky that I had 4 loving granparents (not to mention aunties and uncles) who actually wanted to spend time with me and made time for me?. My mum and I lived with my uncle (her younger brother) for two years, and he would often babysit me while my mum worked a late shift (Thursday night packing groceries). My Aunty (my Dads sister) would have me over for a week or two at a time during school holidays so I could spend time with my cousins (who, while a bit younger that me, I adored). I thought that this was just normal family. I guess not...It makes me sad to think that not everyone has this...and grateful that I did.

REPLY
2 years ago
Sounds like you have a wonderful family :) I would love for this also but because I can’t have it with my own parents or in laws I will start with my children and grandchildren :)

ANSWER
3 years ago
I know many old people in homes that took care of their grandkids for free and were expecting their children to not put them in homes yet there they are.
As for Grandparents watching your children, it all depends on how much they watch them.
You can't expect them to watch them whenever you go to work for free, that would be really selfish of you. A couple days a week is one thing but 5 days a week or more and 40+ hours a week is over the top. And what do you do for them? Seems like you are just being selfish and mad because you can't get a free babysitter.

ANSWER
3 years ago
Couldn’t agree more!

ANSWER
3 years ago
I'm sorry but it's their life, and they should be able to spend it how they like. Maybe the OP is a jerk and they can't stand her?

ANSWER
3 years ago
totally agree my MIL has NO Interest in any of her grandkids at all. So my kids don't c are about her at all now

ANSWER
3 years ago
a sense of entitlement is prevalent when my daughter and children come to visit. we have to accommodate their wishes than the other way around as they are visiting our home. Tired and resentful grandma

ANSWER
3 years ago
i love to see my daughter and 2 young grand daughters. but instead of visiting us in our home they assume we are there to take care of everyones needs.

ANSWER
3 years ago
I think it’s not selfish if they’ve got full- time jobs. My mother-in-law is incredibly selfish. My husband and I are older parents. She’s only babysat for a few hours on a couple of occasions in my children’s lives! I once explained that I would like to take my husband out for a milestone birthday somewhere special and her response was “so who’s going to babysit?”. She refused! Now she’s getting very elderly I don’t intend being there for her!!! What goes around comes around!

REPLY
3 years ago
Completely agree!

ANSWER
3 years ago
If anything, I've noticed a bigger trend of needy adult children. My parents generation often didn't complete high school but have been full time working 'adults' from the age of 15/16 on wards and earlier. High school and higer education was only for the 'rich/well to do' or 'smart kids'. I recall mum talking about paper runs and work in flower shops , cleaning/dishes work etc from 10/11/12. Then no help from parents, the expectation was living out of home from mid/late teens on wards as that was the done thing when you start working full time. You were an adult if you weren't in school. Had kids late teens/early twenties and there was no baby sitting / support/limited visits from my grandparents as they were still working and surviving too. There were limited child care centres and no tax benefits so mum quit her job so she could stay at home during the day and did night work. Not resentful about missing out on her career etc. Quite common for many people her generation. Yes many of us have worked as 'teens' but I would say it for many of us, it was still quite 'cushy' and we really didn't view ourselves as 'real adults' until 18 on wards often studying / working / socialising until we finish our degree. Now this doesn't apply to everyone, but a far more common reality than the lives of our parents in the 60's/70's/80's. I'd cut grandparents some slack. Many of them are still working full time, smashing away the $ for retirement and are using this time to focus on achieving their goals to set themselves up better like my folks, as their time and $ went into us as children. My parents love time with grand kids but in short bursts. I see that they get quite tired and my dad's often lack of patience/grumpiness was always a hot topic when we were growing up, and see that he struggles more with minor tantrums / crying / behaviour issues of grand kids and would say that in general the kids are quite well behaved.

ANSWER
3 years ago
I wouldn't say selfish but the whole 'it takes a village to raise a child' thing is definitely not practiced as much as it used to be. I think in a way society has become very selfish.

I am very grateful and happy that my parents want to be involved and love being involved in my kids lives, they visit often, they have such a good relationship with my kids and both my partner and I feel completely comfortable leaving our kids in their care.

My partners parents on the other hands are what I would call extremely selfish. They don't want to be involved in ours or our kids lives unless is benefits them. They don't visit even thought they live 10 minutes away, yet they expect us to always visit them, they don't call (not even on birthdays), they don't turn up for family things, they don't make an effort to have a relationship with us or the kids and they never have. We cut ties with them just after our sons birthday in March after they didn't bother calling on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday, they didn't show up to his party because they didn't feel like it. At his party he turned around and asked us where grandma and grandad were and why weren't they at his party. I refuse to let my children grow up wondering why their family members don't care.

We very rarely ask anything of our parents except to be there. Be there for birthdays, be there to meet their grandkids, show up to sports games (even if its only once), call and have a chat to the kids, pop around for a visit so the kids can show you their toys they got for their birthday. Just simply be there and actually want to be there. Don't half arse it, don't put in zero effort then complain when my kids don't want to see you.

ANSWER
3 years ago
This thread makes me realise who few people enjoy children's company. 😔

REPLY
3 years ago
Would like to touch base wit you in 20-30 odd years and see how you are tracking energy wise / tolerance / patience levels. I see my nephews, who behave VERY different to how my brother and I behaved / were raised. Not BAD kids, but definitely much freer and I see that this takes a tole on my parents and drains them a lot more when they are doing 'grandparent time' and they are relatively young grandparents.

REPLY
3 years ago
Oh please 🙄

REPLY
3 years ago
I hope to be a young Nanna I'm 37 now and between my partner and I we have 7 kids between 13 and 19, so I'm guessing we will have a tribe of grannies within the next 20 years. Because I'm expecting so many I have already decided to have one day/night a month dedicated to Grandkids. Sleepover then just a fun day at home. Babysitting outside of this will be depending on the need, like I won't babysit for partying every weekend but I will if theres an emergency of some kind. I will retire from hands on grandma duties when I'm 70 unless its older kids that don't need to be physically cared for. Setting the rules now before theres arguments in 20 years about how much babysitting I did for the others 😂

ANSWER
3 years ago
My hubby is 23 and his mum is 40 and works full time cause young granny can’t get old pension just cause she’s a granny
Get a life OP

ANSWER
3 years ago
My mom doesn't show interest in taking care of my son. She said she did her "time" and it's my turn. Before I would ask her to take care of him while I went to the grocery store and she would always say no, so I stopped asking her all together, she has favorites and that's okay I have accepted that she will not be there for him. It's heart breaking that some grandparents are like this, but in the end it's them missing out on something wonderful.

ANSWER
3 years ago
Yes I agree

ANSWER
3 years ago
This thread makes me so sad

My parents adore my kids and nephews, and my mum is chomping at the bit for my sister in law to go back to work so she can watch the newest addition... she will likely start working when bubs is about 2/3 months and mum will watch bubba

When I had my kids mum took of 6 weeks both times and bought groceries , cooked every night cleaned watched the baby while I slept

I can't wait for them to retire and start spending 6 months a year up here so my kids will have a nanny day once a week... not for me Iv never felt like I needed regular breaks from my kids but for my kids and my mum to share that time that I know they will both cherish the rest of their lives

I'm so grateful my kids are just loved left right and center with people who enjoy their company.

REPLY
3 years ago
That is indeed very lucky and very rare these days, your mum sounds like a beautiful person :) she will be surrounded by those she loves when she’s older which is how it should be :)

ANSWER
3 years ago
Women work, folks, in and out of the home and do five time the amount of child care as a man, so yes they need and deserve help , and typically get none, and are supposed to remain cheery about being a mom? Really?

REPLY
3 years ago
Great arrangement for a man, bad for women.

ANSWER
3 years ago
A lot of parents are stressed at trying to be perfect model parents like that's going to ensure the kids are great, unfortunately this tends to ruin the marital relationship, e.g. Dad obsessed with the kids, neglects wife😕

ANSWER
4 years ago
It breaks my heart that the only person in my family that makes an effort with my 2 year old is my 18 year old sister I honestly thought his grandparents would care a lot more. They don't even ask how he is? They just see him when I suggest it? I don't see why they can't just simply ask how he is every once in a while?? :( I never had a great relationship with my grandparents and I don't want the same for my boy!

REPLY
4 years ago
It's sad huh. We are probably quite delusional when having kids, thinking that those sort of grandparent people would change..

REPLY
4 years ago
I'm so sorry. They suck

REPLY
3 years ago
Cherish the 18 year old they're a good kid🙂!

ANSWER
4 years ago
I'm really lucky because we don't have this problem in our family (I consider myself such because I have friends who's parents are just not interested in their grandchildren at all). Our children's grandparents ask to have them more than we ask them to 'babysit'. My mil and mother have both freely offered (without any prompting from my husband or I) to mind our youngest when I return to work not just to free up more money for us but because they want to spend time with our children. My grandparents were also very involved with myself and my siblings and they both worked very hard as business owners, admittedly they were either retired or semi retired when I was born. We also would never send our elders to a nursing home however we are also pretty affluent so money wouldn't be a factor if someone in our family needed full time care which is why I do understand when people have to send relatives into care because not every can afford to become a full time carer. We also have a wide range of medical disaplines in the family so that also helps. We even have people in the palliative sector who moved to that sector just so our older family members would never have to go into a care facility.
We have a very close family and we help each other out were ever possible. In our minds families help and support each other cause if you can't count on family, who can you count on? We love each other unconditionally and want to spend time together because we also like each other as people.
So I just don't really understand families that don't think or operate like mine. I would only be guessing but I imagine the reasons are varied and complex.

REPLY
3 years ago
Okay, so you're "lucky", and the rest of us whose grandparents don't pay attention to the grandchildren?

ANSWER
4 years ago
There's a rise of selfish grandparents due to selfish parents! As mentioned, our parents have done their time, they've worked their whole lives and personally my parents helped set myself and my siblings for life and also their grandchildren. Knowing my kids will never have to struggle because their grandparents made sure of it, do i really expect them to also stop their lives and do nappies, and snotty noses all over again? Even for just 1 or 2 days a week?! No! If my husband can't look after the kids, then I don't go anywhere and vise versa. We don't dump them with our parents because they have the 'responsibility'. How anyone can expect that from their parents is beyond me.

REPLY
4 years ago
And that's why society is so screwed up, everything is about me, me, me, 'I've done my time' ect. I find that attitude disgusting. Again _ I'm not talking about CHILDCARE- I'm talking about taking an interest in the kids, it's highly beneficial for children to have extended family members who they know love and care for them! If you're not working and are healthy what is 1-2 days a month or fortnight out of your time? I would appreciate a little interest so much because that's what family is supposed to do.....I can't wait to have grandkids because when I do I will love having them over and taking them places :) I honestly can't wait, I would make sure they always know how much they're loved and wanted and that they can always come to me if they feel they can't go to the parents, kids who have a strong support network with lots of love FLOURISH in our society so that's what I aim to do

REPLY
4 years ago
Grandparents can have great relationships with their grandchildren without having to babysit them. My kids are 13 & 10 years old and have an awesome bond with my parents even though they have rarely looked after them without me being there.

REPLY
3 years ago
But many entitled husbands DO NOT look after the kids they are entitled and think all the grunt work is for moms, e.g. Show dads .


ANSWER
3 years ago
Well said

ANSWER
4 years ago
I agree to a point. My grandparents helped my parents out heaps when we were little. Always going for sleepovers and cooking stuff, fixing things around the house. They were very hands on. My parents are not the same with their grandkids and have the attitude of "been there, done it, not doing it again! " I think that's a bit selfish. They were happy to accept help when their kids were little. I personally can't wait to be a Nanna one day I have it all planned already 😂

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4 years ago
I'm with you. My grandparents were amazing, both sets of them, and they loved spending time with my brother and I. Even when I had my children, it was my grandfather who would spend time with my son. It hurts that my kids have been so ripped off in the grandparents department. My mum makes no effort whatsoever, doesn't even bother with birthday cards or phone calls any more. My ex in laws have basically refused to acknowledge my kids since my ex and I split. It hurts me but I guess my kids don't know any different. I'm planning to be the kind of grandparent that I had myself and that's the best I can do for my kids.

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4 years ago
Oh my Gosh me too!! Ive literally planned they're rooms, the activities everything!! Lol it's funny because I never had any extended family show any interest in us kids when we were young and it was a harsh, Lonely, depressing existence....my oldest is just 14 but i look forward to having my grandkids all the time :)

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3 years ago
I could have written this!!! Both my children are the oldest grandchildren on both sides, yet no one has been interested in them. I have to admit it gets me down quite a bit but I just keep telling myself they are the ones who have missed out, and they totally have, my eldest is 20 years old now so no longer a child. I guess my kids have missed out too though, no special bond or sleepover at Nannies, or cooking their favourite meal...

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3 years ago
I had less contact/input from all grandparents than i was expecting with my children. I expected them to want to spend some one on one time with them occasionally. One set has now they're over 5 when i needed a babysitter a couple of times. The other set never. When /if i have grandkids I'm sure id offer to have them for half a day fairly regularly

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4 years ago
I don't need the grand parents to be babysitters but shit it would be nice if they wanted to get to know the kids. Is it so hard to play hide & seek? Read a book? Take the kid to the movies for a birthday present instead of buying crap? My dad is old and unwell but still visits each fortnight for a coffee and plays peek a boo with the baby and tells the 7 year old funny stories. My mum travels half the year with her partner. We're expected to have dinner at their house before they leave on each trip. It's always food I've never eaten and the kids hate. We don't drink but they always finish 2 bottles of wine. Mum likes her friends to think we're all happy families and that she's involved as much as they are with their grandkids so she often makes things up to appear that way (she helped me with this or that even though she didn't). My FIL comes to town a few times a week but doesn't visit, yet I'm often told off for not visiting enough when they live an hour away. My husband works on their farm so sees them daily. My MIL also lives an hour away but would be in town weekly. She's too busy with her other grandchildren to visit us. We can't visit her as her other son controls her life and she's scared of him, he won't allow us to visit her home.
We're fortunate to have good friends as our support network and are learning to ignore our families. We'd love for them to be more involved but they have different priorities.