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Husband week spent in sporting rather than family

Answered 25 days ago

Husband and father of a 2 and 4year old is always out. Particularly after having the second one. He firstly decided to sign up to a sports team on our weekly family fun night (Friday) without asking how I felt, I eventually got over that and was fine until he started lying About Thursday’s and I found that he joined another sports team. We then agreed that he would alternate the sports days so that we would have every other Friday. This lasted two weeks. He has now said that he has joined yet ANOTHER sports team on the Wednesday! In addition to these three sporting day, he does 2hour walks/runs on the other 4 days. I have had the same discussion with him several times about feeling that 3x week is madness. One time I joined a dance class that was 3x per week just to leave him with the kids and I had the entire family call and complain about how I was spending too much time away! I just feel he doesn’t invest any time in his wife or kids . He designates Saturday as family day And as Saturday evening approaches it’ll be “going out with the boys”. Eventually I lost it and he said “this is just the way I am” I am a working mum so family time is so critical for me. Been given half a Saturday to me isn’t good enough! How can he feel this is justified? He literally is gone all the time and when he is home, he has things to do outside of the home. I recently booked 2hours with the girls and told him about it a week ago. Today he told me he organized a Full day boating session with his friends on the same day and I therefore cannot go. I am so fed up of chasing and fighting for time! I jus give up!

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Answers

ANSWER
25 days ago
Get married and have kids they said, it will be fun they said

ANSWER
25 days ago
Go out with your friends. Spend the whole day. Fuck his fishing trip. Parenting should be equal. Work out how much time he spends away from the family show it to him and let him know from now on it is equal him out, you out and family time. If he argues it is clear that he is not invested in the marriage and the family and you can move on. Won't be long before the kids realize he would rather spend time with other people than them.

ANSWER
26 days ago
My husband did something similar years ago. But only 1 sport team but training Tuesday/Thursday/Friday night. Then playing all day Saturday, then with "the boys" all day sunday. I let it go for a little while then I cracked it. He wasn't happy at first but he realised 5 days a week to 1 team was just too much so he said he will stop (I was happy for him to cut it down) but I wasn't complaining haha. As a family we went to the games on Saturdays to watch and everything was fine :) that was about 7 years ago! Were still married haha

ANSWER
27 days ago
I have been in a similar position where I do the lions share of the work and child rearing. Put your foot down it won’t stop, my kids are teens now and resentment has built up.

ANSWER
28 days ago
My ex husband was and still is like this. I was so miserable. My kids have to deal with it now when they have their fortnightly weekends with him - watching and playing.
They hate it.

ANSWER
28 days ago
Hehehe this sounds exactly like my life 10 years ago. He was free to do sport ever single day of the week, and Friday nights for drinking at the pub. I volunteered to organise some fundraising for something the kids did and everyone in the family said I was selfish and it was dominating my life (fundraising for kids activities for kids to benefit where kids mostly went with me) hmm
We separated a few years later due to his sports taking over

ANSWER
28 days ago
This sounds horrible. I would only allow this if it was after the kids are in bed. I think you need to designate a day to him to spend with the kids, rather than family time, that way it gives him the responsibility and you the time off

ANSWER
30 days ago
My father was like this. Sport was always his priority. His family a distant second. When my mum finally left him my sister and I weren’t a priority at all.

ANSWER
30 days ago
Honestly, I think he's dodging family life, trying to keep his freedom. He'll use any trick - hence the family calls - to push you back into the house/child care so he can go out. I've a friend in the exact same situation.

The thing is, as long as it's allowed, he'll do it. My friend had to eventually tell him, and mean it - 'youre in or out' and they had counselling. Tbh he's much better, but is always out whenever he can invent as reason.

If he's out, you'll have to arrange concrete visitation because he'll try to get out of that too.

Whatever the outcome, stand your ground. You matter too.