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One sided sex. Should I even bother anymore?

Answered 1 month ago

So I’ve been with my partner nearly four years. The sex has been an issue since day one. He was happy with sex once a week in the beginning, drove me mad. Efforts have been made to have more sex but it’s so fucking one sided. I have said I miss the intimacy between us but he just says “I know you can’t relax with all the kids in the house” and it’s like that is the throw away to just not fucking bother with me, as long as he gets what he needs. He moved into my house with his kids staying 5 nights every two weeks about 11 months ago. My kids are twice their age, older teenagers, here all the time. Since everyone being her there is no intimacy, no fun in sex anymore, it’s just suck my dick, fuck me, thanks. Things seem to be just getting worse. He is banging on about threesomes and I just ignore it. He won’t be able to organise it anyway and I am disgusted that with things being so shit in our own sex life he would even go on about adding anyone else. It’s just banter but I can’t be bothered even acknowledging it. Sex for me feels like an obligation and a job. I can’t remember the last time we had wax where I was even happy it happened. It’s making me hate myself and I am starting to think the answer is just to stop bothering on my side. He has a hand he can deal with it himself. I am not getting anything out of it anyway. I maybe get off once every two months and it’s always the same shit. It’s all so fucking boring.

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ANSWER
1 month ago
If the sex has been an issue since day one it doesn't sound like he is the giving type by nature. And men like that just don't seem to change; they are either into giving their partner pleasure, or not., but just being self centred.
You could refuse to participate at all, but consider how you would feel if he got sex elsewhere.
So maybe discussing the situation, and telling him how you feel might be necessary. Including that having another person in the relationship is a total waste of time; the problem for you is that he does not arouse you with what he does. And that needs to change.
Then you need to make a decision.
Think about what it is that holds you two together. Is there enough to make the lack of satisfying sex tolerable.
Sex is important to me, and I have been in this situation you are in too. I terminated the relationship, and did not regret it. And I am very glad I made that decision earlier rather than later.
I felt used, and my whole world invaded with his children in the house and all the extra work that created for me, when there was no worthwhile intimacy with their father.
Every couple is different, but I think there is a risk of you just withdrawing and giving up, if you do not have an open discussion about it. Maybe write down what you want to say, and rehearse it, so you do not forget important points you want to get across.