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Husband always ruins my birthday

Answered 6 days ago

This is not normal behaviour right? Or is it & I should just get over it?

My birthday is in 2 weeks and I’m dreading it, for years he has found a way to ruin my birthday year after year, it’s been so long since I enjoyed my day.

Anyway, does this happen to anyone else?

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Answers

ANSWER
6 days ago
Yes it happens to me too

REPLY
1 day ago
Ugh mine too. For my 30th, he did NOTHING special for me. His sister and husband and 2 kids came, his sister took me to get my nails done. He was SO mad, I remember they were all outside when we got back and I went to the bathroom, he ran to the bathroom banging on the door telling me how dare I leave and do that with his sister, he wanted to visit with her. I couldn't believe he did that..he seemed so full of rage. At least THEY did something nice for me. Not sure why I get in trouble for a present given to me. Then last night I told him I called a local contractor he knows for pricing to seal our skylights due to bugs that sneak in in the spring/summer. He has told me in the past he is sick of hearing about the bugs and to do something about it, in a mean way. So this is why I was checking on quotes. Well he got mad, told me I am not allowed to do that and call a contractor and that's something he will do. Then he said apparently he has chores to do so now he isn't going on my birthday weekend this weekend to a beachcomber he reserved and that yay he now has 4 days to himself. My mom is flying up from another state and my 3 kids were so excited. And he won't talk to me. Even left the list of things we were taking on my desk like a big old baby. What do I do?! He puts me in such a depressed, bad mood. This is another big milestone bday for me and again he ruins it.

ANSWER
17 days ago
My husband always seems upset or annoyed on my birthday. He usually finds things to do out side the house (chore wise usually like running errands) and he's always in a bad mood on my birthday. Days before he's fine. Gets me gifts. Does nice things. Every year after midnight he's the first to wish me happy birthday but on THE day like clock work he's pissy. I don't know why. My 25th birthday he licked our puppy causing it to shit everywhere. Curtain. Walls. Everywhere. He left me to clean it. Every year its that same feeling. But only on the day. Even now (today's my 37th birthday) he's gone to borrow a truck to haul off debris. Its pouring rain. I really don't get it.

REPLY
17 days ago
Kicked not licked. Lmao

REPLY
10 days ago
I dread my birthday anymore ! It was more important for my husband to talk to the neighbors one year while we had dinner waiting I ended up eating with just parents ! My birthday was completely forgot one year I just didn’t say thing ! The next year It was more important to help someone fix their lawnmower I got the well we are not doing anything right ?!? Then I finally get a dinner with my husband to leave in the middle of it he had to run over to his mothers (She Called) because she didn’t feel good (there was nothing wrong with her ) I ate by myself....this year I Just got (husband)my sister is celebrating her sons communion On the 18th With dinner o is that your birthday ?They all know its
my birthday no one is planning a surprise for me I just want to cry It’s every year! My heart falls on my birthday I don’t want to pick it up anymore

ANSWER
9 months ago
Awh): I’m turning 22 tomorrow and he’s done this since we met. The week leading up to my bday he tells me how he’s going to get me something nice and he’d like to take me out to a nice dinner and then the day before my birthdays he tells me that I don’t deserve anything and not to expect anything from him that it’s “ not anything worth celebrating “ . So I don’t expect anything special anymore. It sucks and I don’t know why I get treated like this but I’ve just learned to not hope for anything from him. 🤷‍♀️ I thought I was the only one dealing with this.

REPLY
8 months ago
You are young. Get out. You deserve so much better.

REPLY
2 months ago
Omg mine does the exactttttt same thing I’m like seriously your a child wtf don’t know if it’s worth getting out of

REPLY
2 months ago
You are definitely not the only one been dealing with this for 32 years why?????

REPLY
1 month ago
My ex husband was the same. Every birthday and every Mother’s Day. He’s a narcissist.

REPLY
1 month ago
Please don't keep putting up with this! This is not normal!! Sending love!

REPLY
1 month ago
Agreed! Thats abhorent behaviour, to basically build you up and then say you 'dont deserve' anything. He doesnt deserve you.

REPLY
1 month ago
I would do the exact same thing back. Nothing speak louder than action. You can only tell him so many times, but when he sees he gets the same thing in return he may change his tune

REPLY
1 month ago
Jeesus, please leave this guy, you dont deserve to be treated like that, there are plenty of men out there that know how to be nice to people!

REPLY
14 days ago
I’m 23 and my partners done this for the past couple of years and worse thing is he knows it’s my birthday but he doesn’t even wish me happy birthday.. doesn’t do or get me anything. Since we’ve been together I’ve always done something special for him but this year I’m doing nothing! Not even going to do anything at all!!! Pmo

ANSWER
1 month ago
Every damn year. Why? Because he makes no effort. Yes he works away, but when he is home on his rostered week off just before my birthday can’t he get me something and give it to the kids to give me on my birthday? How hard is it? Or do I expect too much? And no I don’t want expensive presents. A card with lotto & scratchies in it would do. Last year he did send me flowers but that just annoyed me more because I know it’s an easy fix for him ‘I’ll ring up and order flowers, that will keep her happy’ ah no it does not. There is no effort involved in dialling a number on the day to ‘keep me happy’ So when I can I go away for my birthday now. Do something I want to do. I do the same for Mother’s Day - coz you know I’m not his mother 🙄

REPLY
1 month ago
You say flowers are not acceptable, because theres no effort other than make a call to order, and yet a card and scratchies is okay? Yet that shows just as much low effort and no thought.

REPLY
1 month ago
I get nothing, I'd love flowers!

REPLY
1 month ago
I am in the same situation every year. It's like even though my birthday falls on the same date every year, it completely surprises him. I've maybe gotten 1 birthday present in the almost 20 years we've been together.
I get him presents - birthday and fathers day - every year. One year I got really pissed and decided not to buy him something. Well he begins saying he never gets a birthday present and goes on and on about it!! Men. . .

REPLY
1 month ago
Not really. Going to buy card scratchies whatever before heading off for work for his swing shows he has thought ahead and taken the time to get something. Flowers on the day is a simple phone call - no effort

ANSWER
1 month ago
Oh wow, reminds me of my first marriage so much. I was called a slut on my honeymoon (cant remember what for, I was so gobsmacked!) and it just went south from there. My first Mothers Day (you're not my mother) nothing! Everytime my parents visited he would fuck off somewhere else. Even took our son and went interstate and left myself and 3 month old twin babies alone when my mum came to visit as payback for my Mum coming to visit and help ( one twin ended up in hospital for days) Lucky I wasn't alone, I had my Mum with me. LOL Mums what would you do without them? Generally bunged on that he cared and was loving and attentive when others were around but was the most horrible, selfish and entitled prick behind closed doors. After about 4 years I woke up. Thank god it wasnt longer. Could not wait to be divorced from him.
Normal men don't do these kinds of things to their loved ones, cut your losses and get rid of him so you can be happy on your birthday and EVERY OTHER DAY!

ANSWER
1 month ago
My birthday is Oct 30th - last year my darling husband new my birthday was coming up ( we have been married 24 years). On my actual birthday he decided to make one more stop after a busy work day at the local tool shop ( he is a trades man) before going to the supermarket to get some chocolates and flowers, sadly supermarket flowers was the plan.

However he got held up and was running late, he asked the tool shop owner if they had any suggestions for a birthday present, the manger suggested a Christmas event calendar, yep each day had a new drill bit and at the end you got the entire set in a fancy case. So on my birthday in October I opened a Christmas event calendar as a birthday present and was supposed to be HAPPY. I'm still working on that one.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Get a couple of friends and go and do something nice with them.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Yep, turns out he had borderline personal discord and I wouldn't be surprised if he's also a narc. Only time he ever got me a cake and a present was during our breakup after 10 years and it was to try and win me back.
I hope you don't have any other red flags. If he's a dick. Leave him and treat yo self!!!

ANSWER
1 month ago
Well it kinda depends on your definition of ruined... ie is it ruined because he forgets and doesn't get you a gift or is he being a total wank and picking fights and such?

ANSWER
1 month ago
In my experience (15 yrs and still stuck), I’m ready for every single special occasion to be ruined. Every one. He just doesn’t care. I actually think he enjoys it. If you’re ready for it, it’s slightly less hurtful.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Sounds like you’re dealing with a narc. Do your research and run for the hills!

ANSWER
1 month ago
Not quite the same, but five years ago, on my birthday and also our 20th wedding anniversary, my husband had cancer and nearly died. This year, almost exactly 5 years to the day, he's had a cancer recurrence, thereby conveniently eclipsing my (big five-oh!) birthday and our 25th anniversary. If I wasn't so worried about losing him, I'd prolly kill him myself! :). (he had a bone marrow transplant and is recovering today!)

ANSWER
1 month ago
Yes mine does that and my eldest daughter too. I hate my birthday. I am 60 this year and I know that they were planning a big birthday and I told them not to bother. I’m tired of all the in fighting and deceit. I don’t want promises of things and never get it, or the fighting over everything. I just want peace and they can’t give me that either.

ANSWER
1 month ago
My narcissistic father did this to my Mum for as long as I can remember. Usually he would get drunk and pick an argument, one year he kicked me out of the house, I was 13 I think. I rebelled by going all out for anything to do Mum, birthdays, Mother's day, Christmas.

ANSWER
1 month ago
First do you always do something for him and does he have a lovely day !!!!!
If so Is it because it’s not all about him !!
No you should not get over it !!!!
It’s your birthday go do something special with out him
It is not normal behaviour he’s a narcissist

ANSWER
1 month ago
All i have to say is look into Narcissistic Personalities.
This is a massive red flag behaviour of this personality type, and can also lead to various other Domestic Violence behaviours

ANSWER
1 month ago
Not normal at all.
My hubby makes a big deal of my birthday in that in the lead up he gets a bit down as his wife is aging! Ummm, yep that’s what happens.
He does make an effort to ensure I have a fun time, though he wants to do things his interpretation of fun, like party or do a fun activity he wants to do.
I gently remind him, it’s my birthday not his!
So my hubby could potentially ruin my birthday for me but I won’t let him. Make sure you celebrate your birthday the way you want.

ANSWER
1 month ago
You're not alone. My ex saved his best efforts for when it was a big birthday. For my 30th he forgot completely even though I reminded him. My 40th he remembered and bought me a child's kite and cooked reheated left overs. A month before my 50th he left me without a single conversation or hint. He knew I had organised to visit my brother in South Africa so he couldn't ruin another birthday. A holiday I had saved for and waited for for over 2 years. I had banked my leave at work and had done overtime to earn my spending money. So in short someone men are just plain nasty and there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Not normal behaviour, definitely narcissistic personality. My birthday was just another day, I would buy my own birthday cake and was lucky if I got a present. Then when the kids came along, I was completely forgotten and mother's Day didn't exist. For my 40th I had to push him to do something and basically wrote a list of what I wanted and then he decides to go the extra mile. Invite friends and family from overseas and surprise me with a vow renewal. Then less than 6months later he leaves me for the younger woman that he was having an affair with at the time of my birthday.
Not sure I want a birthday anymore 🥺

ANSWER
2 years ago
How does he ruin your birthday? I’m so sorry for what you’re going through 😢

REPLY
2 years ago
Well the first time he ruined it, he called me a fucking whore for not putting petrol in HIS car. He always starts fights with people on my bday. He does the same on Christmas. I feel he gets like anxiety on special occasions and just becomes horrible.

REPLY
2 years ago
Sounds more like a narcissistic problem. He can't handle the attention being on someone else even for a day so starts arguments because he knows that's the best way to bring him back to the centre

REPLY
2 years ago
No I see it as the op sees it, that he gets anxiety. My husband has done similar things, but not to that level.., he just gets frustrated excessively at things on such days, but not Christmas. I feel for you.. perhaps preplan and tell him that you don’t want to be a stress etc, that maybe you’ll do something low key just in the morning and then do nothing isn’t the afternoon? Something that doesn’t require much, like breakfast out at a child friendly place, and buy yourself a gift instead?

REPLY
1 year ago
Wow. My husband would never call me a fucking whore and if in some parallel universe he did, it'd be his first and last time

REPLY
8 months ago
This is NOT ok on any day whether it is yout bday or not! I'm so sorry you have to go through this but please find a way out.

REPLY
8 months ago
If my husband called me a fucking whore he would be leaving the house immediately without his scrotum. The fact you stay means you accept this behaviour and it will only continue

REPLY
1 month ago
Oh dear, anxiety or not, he should NOT be calling you a whore, unless you are one!
If you don't already have kids, think seriously, they will NOT fix this situation, only make it worse.

My husband, for what ever reason, ruins Christmas every year... especially since we've had kids...he works in a job where he manages millions of dollars on a daily basis and the Christmas spending, and stress of having to spend the day with family sends him into a spiral. Last year my father died on Christmas Day, so I especially hate it now. Birthdays are okay. But he would NEVER call me a whore.
I wish you luck lovely.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Yes. Same here. I make a big deal for everyone else birthday and mine is just a regular day
Well this year I'm taking control. I'm taking a kid and husband free trip and doing whatever I want. I'm not giving him the opportunity to ruin it this year. This is my new standard!

ANSWER
1 month ago
That is not normal and I would be worried. I hope he isn't abusive but that is a telling sign... RUN

ANSWER
1 month ago
Yes! My husband has ruined my birthday for many years. He ruins most occasions. I'm at the point where I'm glad if he isn't there. I'm not sure what comes over him. Possibly stemming from his family issues I think. I dread every special occasion.

ANSWER
1 month ago
OMG, thought I was the only one, he has just ruined my birthday for the 40th and last time. No invitation to my 70th

ANSWER
1 month ago
Yes, he does that every year and realistically I am tired of it.

ANSWER
8 months ago
For the past 11 years my husband hasn’t bothered to celebrate my birthday or get me anything for it or Christmas or Mother’s Day. Says people shouldn’t expect presents but every time it’s his turn he tells me what overly expensive gift he wants. He now gets exactly what I get, a big fat nothing!

ANSWER
8 months ago
How does he ruin it?
By being inconsiderate and planning nothing? Or is it by him actively trying to sabotage already made plans?
Big difference!

All this he will only get worse and leave him shit is just that... SHIT.

Communicate with him about what you would like to do. Organise it yourself if it means you want to catch up with your own friends without him and kids.

ANSWER
8 months ago
Omg I remember my 30th approaching and I got wind of a surprise party. I was so excited to think that my old man had organised it for me. The big day comes and yes the surprise party was organised by the old mans ex girlfriend. I think that hurt more knowing he confided in her and she come running. The pair of them floated around all night looking like the cat that got the cream.

ANSWER
8 months ago
Always has to make it about him. I’d just like one day for it to be about me.

ANSWER
8 months ago
I know I’m late. But today is my birthday and I’m at the beach arguing with my husband. He has ruined my second birthday in a row. He continues to do it year after year no matter what. The first time was at a amusement park and i didnt get to get on any rides and now here we are year two and he said I’m ungrateful because i didn’t jump up and down at the birthday gift he got me (pearl earrings) which he claims i kept saying i wanted. I don’t wear pearl his ex did. But that’s another story but anyway I’m just at a lost. I don’t even want to celebrate with him anymore and this not the first holiday. He does it on Christmas and everything. And if he gets upset he will literally take my gifts and throw them in my face. Think it’s time for divorce

ANSWER
10 months ago
For the past 6 years my husband has managed to ruin birthdays, anniversaries & Christmas. I cry, my children cry. Then he apologizes & thinks everything is forgotten. I spend these occasions talking to my children trying to fix what he has broken.

REPLY
10 months ago
I go thru the same thing

REPLY
9 months ago
Leave its emotionally damaging and notworth it.

ANSWER
2 years ago
And you are with him because ......?

REPLY
2 years ago
I’m trapped

REPLY
2 years ago
BS
You can go to police and they will find you women’s shelter

REPLY
2 years ago
Yeah if only it was that easy? Easy to comment when you’re not in that situation huh

REPLY
9 months ago
As someone who jas been there and got out it is easy to leave. Qhen he is gone pack up birth certificates, special photos momentos clothes a few toys money and go. You owe him nothing.

ANSWER
9 months ago
I suffer from anxiety and that would NEVER excuse me treating anyone so badly. Anxiety is NOT an excuse.

REPLY
9 months ago
^ 100000% this. ❤

ANSWER
9 months ago
I know this answer is late, but my ex husband used to do this. We had been together since high school. But at some point you need to admit that this is extremely selfish and abusive behaviour and is by no means EVER acceptable. I have a new partner of 10 years now and he treats me the way a human is meant to be treated, with the upmost respect. He would never speak to me disrespectfully and I also get excited about special occasions too now. It took my partner great understanding as I was quite damaged when we were first going out. All I am saying it is better to be alone then being treated in such a selfish disrespectful way. And when you don't expect someone lovely and kind does come along.

ANSWER
1 year ago
My husband actually made me apologize for having a birthday. I stopped including him in my birthday festivities.

REPLY
10 months ago
Thats so sad

ANSWER
10 months ago
I suffer the same plight. Today is my birthday and without fail every year he ruins it for me.

ANSWER
2 years ago
My ex husband used to put a dampener on most occaisions, especially the kids birthdays. I'd be running around trying to get things done and also try to make it fun and pleasant for the guests but many times I'd be on the verge of tears because of his behaviour, either him lying on the couch up until the party or muttering about how he 'can't be bothered doing all this' (own child's birthday) or going and sitting down and getting guests to cook the bbq meat (I kid you not), because he 'hates doing it' (you had 1 job, mate), being rude to guests, having inappropriate manners, the list goes on. Sounds petty but very soul destroying after a few years.

REPLY
2 years ago
Why they do this is beyond me. I hope things get better for you OP. Can you plan something that doesn't involve him?

REPLY
2 years ago
Is he on drugs ?

REPLY
2 years ago
Pothead. But was a bit like that anyway before he went back to being a pothead.

REPLY
10 months ago
My husband does the same.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Take courage, it's hard to do at the time, but you will say to yourself why did I put up with the situation for so long. Your self worth takes such a knock when you are with a jerk, but you can and will build yourself up again. Ask for help from people you trust.

ANSWER
1 year ago
He's a Narcissist. Leave him as he'll only get worse!

ANSWER
2 years ago
My husband does the same thing. I hate any special day now

REPLY
2 years ago
Same

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yep, I don’t know what it is he ruined all my birthdays from my first one with him!!!
I just do my own thing now and expect nothing ,
I enjoy it with my beautiful kids and spend a night with girlfriends in a unit.
Haven’t had a bad birthday or disappointment since!

REPLY
2 years ago
Just saw your comment re the other days too!!!
My hubby also does this!!!! He’s gotten better at Christmas now the kids are older but he’s just horrid on occasions.

He has bad anxiety and over the years iv realised this may be the cause

Because other than this he’s actually a nice husband lol, makes me tea every morning, gets me treats I like plays heaps with our kids

ANSWER
2 years ago
Leave him home with the kids, book yourself a massage and organise to have lunch with someone pleasant who won’t ruin your day. Tell him you’ll celebrate as a family in the evening- store bought mud cake and takeaway. If he objects, point out that his past behaviour on your birthday has made it very clear that he resents having to participate in anything nice that is meant for you and from now on, you’re making sure it won’t happen again.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Get a baby sitter and go out for the day

ANSWER
2 years ago
What the? Calling someone a whore is caused by HIS anxiety?! That’s terrible and an excusing someone for consistent verbal abuse....life does not have to be like this for you!!

ANSWER
2 years ago
It’s sad people live with this thinking it’s normal. Being called an effing whore are you kidding me? You can totally get a better deal with someone else just saying....