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Would you end your marriage over no sex

Answered 2 months ago

Hey all. My hubby is just not interested in sex anymore. Only very rarely. Sometimes I cry at night because I feel so undesirable and it hurts. I just need to be touched. Ive tried talking to him. And I've told him exactly this. I just want him to desire with me like he used to.

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ANSWER
2 years ago
Many many people have FWB, with and without their partner’s OK. Be ultra-discrete, don’t cross emotional boundaries and these can really help unbalanced sexual needs. It happens A LOT! Brisbane, Toowoomba, Townsville and smaller towns like Dalby. The internet is bristling with nice horny men. The inevitable scum are easy to spot and fun to flush out. Married men are best. They are discrete and don’t want a relationship. Young guys are all over too soon. Older ones often have great staying power and are very skilled. For max fun find a couple and test your girl-girl and your girl-boy-girl skills! Life is too short so get your very own gmail account and hit the internet!

REPLY
2 months ago
This is all well and good until you get the feels then fall in love. Your lover becomes your priority and you eventually get caught.

ANSWER
2 months ago
I was in the very same position, but at the same time i used to catch him masturbating all the time. So i figured it was just me that was the problem. I left him a couple of years ago and dont regret it. The problem now is that my new partner who told me he loved sex everyday, is now the same as my husband was. Once or twice a month and thats it. I wonder if all men are this way or if its just what i do to them.

ANSWER
2 months ago
He’s cheating on you

ANSWER
2 months ago
Cuckold your husband. I cuckold mine. I get the most entence orgasms when fucking another Mann. My husband know I fuck other men and. Encourages me to do so.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes. Well
Seems like i have been living I'm denial and he thinks I'm a nagging whinging bitch. Yay me!

REPLY
2 years ago
Same here. I have started to think I’m selfish or have a sex addiction. It’s so shameful when you can’t talk about this stuff.

REPLY
2 years ago
Oh no, what happened?

REPLY
2 years ago
A few times when I had to much to drink I sex chatted online purely out of sexual frustration. He knows I did it and has left. Everything blew up last night and he proceeded to make it clear that he is sick of listening to me basically! I feel terrible

REPLY
2 years ago
Sounds like a hard situation for both of you. I'm sorry to hear about what has occurred and wish you all the best. Can you get some professional counseling to either support yourself through the break up, or if you are hoping to reconcile the marriage to support you as a couple through that journey?

REPLY
2 years ago
Are you the original OP? That sucks. I got so frustrated once I signed up for Ashley Maddison. I never went through with it but never got caught. I think it’s better off you got caught now before you ended up in a full blown affair. This he will recover from and now he will understand how serious you were.

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes I'm original op. I think it's best too that he knew. Hurts so bad though.He reckons that's it. He cant trust me. I've honestly explained to him the reasons for me that lead me to do it. I would never have an affair in real life or online. Its was drunken stupidity. And I know deep down he knows that. It was pure sex talk. And I've never done it before or will again. Im also the one that posted on here about his weed addiction he hasnt had any for a few days and its added to his irrationality he was also extremely drunk when it all blew up and very hungover this morning. Theres so much more to it all and I guess my sex chat was the thing to make it all tip over. I feel like it was the same as porn but I do know its wrong of me to do it. I feel so damn bad about it all and stupid.

REPLY
2 years ago
Thank you. I'll definitely be getting some professional help.

REPLY
2 years ago
Oh wow this is my exact situation. I posted above about how my husband porn addiction lead to my affair. He also has a marijuana addiction. I would seek marriage counseling now. I never thought I would get stuck in an affair but it’s addictive. Especially when your need for affection has been neglected for so long.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Would expect you husband to end you marriage if you didn't feel up for it?

REPLY
2 years ago
Plenty do. The reality is when you are in a marriage you realise the other person has legitimate needs. Sometimes lack of affection is a make or break. A relationship lacking affection and/or sex not a mentally healthy relationship for some people to be in. The effect is not at a superficial level these are actual needs. If people don't have their needs met they often look elsewhere to have them filled. I know that it is an unfavorable and unfortunate reality and one I thankfully haven't found myself in. However, I don't judge others who are doing the best they can.

ANSWER
2 years ago
My husband and I went through this. Turns out stress was causing him to not be able to perform. We would try and then he goes soft and that's it. At first I thought it was just me or he was having an affair. But after speaking to him he told me. He said it's embarrassing and was felt like less of a man. So a heart to heart first. Maybe he's holding back due to not his penis not cooperating. If it's something else, addiction, another woman then decide if you want to leave. But try talking first. I wish you all the best!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Can you get him to try viagra (just buy it - if it’s right in front of him he might be like what the hell). You could buy the female version too so he doesn’t feel he’s being singled out? Obviously not a long term solution but might be an ice breaker?

ANSWER
2 years ago
That is a pathetic reason to end a marriage.
If you break your vows you're nothing but a fraud and liar.

REPLY
2 years ago
I think porn abuse and neglect is breaking your vows as you are no longer committing to the other persons needs.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Honestly, I wouldn't leave my husband over it, but I would jeopardize my marriage by having an affair.
That is, if all other options have been exhausted.
What does he say when you try to talk to him about it?
Is he sympathetic and embarrassed? Or is he like tough s**t and tries to shift the blame?

REPLY
2 years ago
I love your honest answer. Yes I'm having those feelings of temptation to have an affair. I dont think i could actively pursue it. I dont know if I could do it. But its it's definitely making me feel that way, which I hate! I do talk him about it. He "says" he is attracted to me. He does seem embarrassed. I would like to believe that but when I really think about it the signs just arent there. Wouldnt he want to cuddle and snuggle and touch if he was attracted even if it's a medical reason that's effecting his sex drive and erections? It's like hes happy not to have sex? He used to be so good in bed and was so into me it's just such a huge gradual change from way back in the day. It seems like it's a chore for him to even show affection at times. I cant decipher if our relationship is just changing from stuff life has thrown at us and the fact we have been together a while now and are older - and, I would think there are medical reasons too.


REPLY
2 years ago
And at times he does seem like he gets angry over it . I just dont know!

REPLY
2 years ago
My husband is the same, and I thought about threatening him telling him I was going to have an affair. But I didn't mean it, I was so sexually frustrated and upset by the lack of intimacy, I love him and I'd never do that.
I bought toys and made it common knowledge I was using them when he wasn't home because he wasn't meeting my needs. And he was upset about that, but at least now we can work on the problem without my sexual frustrations making things worse

REPLY
2 years ago
I really feel for you OP!
It sounds like he isn't deliberately being withholding, and there could possibly be a bigger problem.
But at the same time he doesn't seem keen to get help and work to fix it.
Personally, I would try sitting down and telling him it is a real problem for you and suggest counseling to him.
If he refuses, maybe tell him, as gently as possible, that you have considered an affair IF things can't change.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I just want you to know your not alone. It’s a horrible feeling that eats you up. I haven’t left my husband but I should have. Sorry I don’t have a solution but I hope it helps knowing your not the only one going through it.

REPLY
2 years ago
How long has it been affecting your relationship?

REPLY
2 years ago
About 4 years he has a porn and marijuana addiction it broke my heart when I discovered how much porn he was watching. My youngest is in kinder and I keep telling myself it will be easier on them if I wait till they are a little older before we separate. Wish I had of done it when they were little.

REPLY
2 years ago
Lady above, no that's a great time to leave. They are young enough that it'll only be hard for a few weeks! If they are older, it doesn't mean it's easier!

REPLY
2 years ago
Yeah I realise that now but I just can’t do it. When I first found out I could have easily walked now I realise that was a sign it was the right time. Now we also have a business together. I tend to get my happiness in other things but posts like this are a bit of a trigger.

ANSWER
2 years ago
My hubby has a porn addiction and everything you e described here sounds exactly like what we went through. Is he secretive of his phone at all? I'd just have a quick peek through his internet history to rule it out.
And then have a serious discussion with him telling him something needs to be done because you can't go on like this. And demand a doctors appointment as a starting point, and maybe couples counselling.
Your self esteem will only get worse, not better, and you can't live like that.
I guarantee you there are so many men in the world who would LOVE to bang you. You know it. Don't forget it. You're worth more than this x

REPLY
2 years ago
...and also some are smart with hiding their internet history...

REPLY
2 years ago
Sometimes it's hormonal. My man can't even get off watching porn. There's nothing happening down there. I think medical assessment can help.

ANSWER
2 years ago
well what does he say when you tell him?> He must say something?!

ANSWER
2 years ago
I wouldn’t end my marriage over it. I would start with holding hands, re build intimacy from there. Take it slow and seek professional help.

REPLY
2 years ago
I'm trying on my side.

REPLY
2 years ago
Try the book ‘ his needs her needs ‘

ANSWER
2 years ago
does he smoke too much hooch? That can happen.
Or see a marriage counsellor.
He might nit be attracted to you anymore
He might be depressed
He might be too tired.
He miggt have a vitamin deficiency.
Perhaps a trip to the dr could help rule things out.
Best of luck

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes I really do think he needs to talk to his doctor. We have talked about the issue before I just dont know how breech the subject again of him seeing a doctor.

REPLY
2 years ago
Hopefully he will consider it for the sake of his living wife and life partner. I have been In that situation before but It didn't have a positive outcome. The lack of intimacy was only one factor in many. I hope things can unfold in the best way for you. Hang tight and be fair to yourself.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes.

Otherwise I’d marry my girlfriend best friends, it would be much easier and the house would be a billion times cleaner.

Our sex is what sets him apart from all my other intimate relationships.
(If he was sick or unable different story) but general lack of unrest I’d need it solved

ANSWER
2 years ago
Give him ultimatum. Either you fuck him or a male prostitute

ANSWER
2 years ago
HES looking at porn
Lose weight

REPLY
2 years ago
Oh please! Men with wives who have banging bodies still fall victim to porn addiction.

REPLY
2 years ago
Absolutely, if a man has a porn addiction a supermodel wife couldn't satisfy him. It is nothing to do with the wife, it's about the man's mental health.

ANSWER
2 years ago
You know there are other ways to have self pleasure. It's not exactly ideal but hey if you want that pleasure its better than nothing. Maybe even say to him if you wont do it then ill have to invest in some toys, if he calls you bluff go for it in front of him I bet he'll be interested pretty quick. Have you tried to spice it up? Make up and nice hair, lingerie? Toys in the bedroom that sort thing. I would hope he isn't cheating just lost interest due to work and stress however if he is getting it elsewhere of course he wont be interested. like I said I hope not but it's possible.

REPLY
2 years ago
But she wants to be desired and touched, not use toys on her own...

REPLY
2 years ago
Exactly it’s the physical affection that you crave.
I don’t think his cheating. If he was he would make up for the guilt by putting in more of an effort at home.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Wish my husband didn't want sex with me!!! I'm not kidding either!!! Since I had my hysterectomy, then menopause, I have zero desire. We have talked about it. We do have sex once a week!!! I just fake it, makes him happy!!! Maybe he has some problems down there and is too embarrassed to talk about it. Try and talk to him and tell him how you feel. It does help. I told my husband he missed out on the best years of my sexual life, (he was a Mummy's boy, and actually lived across the road from me), everywhere we went, the Mum was sure to be there. And when I begged for him to come on over "for a bit" it was always "have to take the old girl out to the casino"!!! So back then, we only had it once a week!!! It's a wonder we had kids!!! :) Seriously, talk to him, maybe he can re-assure you that it's not you personally and ask him how you can help. I love my husband dearly, and in a relationship, it's give and take!!! I know sex is a part of it, (so is trust and friendship) but I thought about him having an affair, but I could not stand that. My first husband slept about, and it broke my heart. I would rather put up, then lose him. But I guess a man can't fake it!!!! So maybe he has a medical issue!!! Is he taking medication??? That can cause problems. My husband was on medication and he couldn't come, painful for him (and me)!!! Don't have an affair, it will destroy you both. If you love him, be patient and TALK!!!!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Sounds like he has depression or cheating on you

ANSWER
2 years ago
Does he have a porn problem? I've seen many ladies on here write similar and porn turned out to be a contributor in many cases. It really affects their brain unfortunately. Google it if you want more information.

REPLY
2 years ago
Agreed. This is my hubby. I have an affair partner now to fulfill my needs.

REPLY
2 years ago
I dont think its porn.

REPLY
2 years ago
How do u even go about having an affair just for sex? Does he know? I wouldnt even know how to pick someone up lol, it's been that long I feel like no one would desire me haha and that's why it's getting serious, I dont want to really start to hate on myself thinking that I possibly couldnt be sexually attractive to anyone because he doesnt want me sexually or intimately.

REPLY
2 years ago
Porn has a significant impact on their desire to be affectionate also. It's doesn't just affect their sex drive.

REPLY
2 years ago
The affair didn’t really start out that way. He was a good friend who I started fantasising about when my husband started rejecting me. It took several years before i opened up to him about our marriage problems and he was going through similar, while also having thoughts of me. In the beginning it was intense but now I see it for what it is (purely sex and little emotion). I lost a great friend the day we crossed the line.
My husband doesn’t know and I would hate for him to find out. He has put me through heart ache but he doesn’t deserve the turmoil this will cause.

REPLY
2 years ago
And there are lots of men that find married women attractive!
I too felt the same my self esteem and self worth were destroyed by porn.

ANSWER
2 years ago
My husband is hugely affectionate, holding hands, snuggling etc. But he never has sex with me either, and of we do its 15 seconds worth of disappointment. I think he has some problems in that department but he's in denial and won't get help, meanwhile me getting upset and pissed off is not helping. But I feel crappy that he doesn't want to have sex with me or initiate anything and it makes me think about ending the marriage often.
I really think it's a deal breaker! Healthy sex life is an important part of marriage.

REPLY
2 years ago
It might be medical. Mine had really bad sleep apnea once he got that sorted he was all good, overly so lol.

REPLY
2 years ago
Exactly it's like a merry go round of emotions. Mines not even that affectionate. Drives me nuts! Oh he has sleep apnea too. I reckon it is something to do with his meds and that too but wont do anything about it! I just get so God damn horny lol and its frustrating. I feel bad now for any time I had turned him down in the early days after kids and stuff Haha. He was patient with me and I think maybe I'm being too impatient but he doesn't seem to try. I'm working out looking after myself and even tried new lingerie. I dont know what else I can do! I feel so stupid putting on the lingerie as I feel embarrassed that I think I look all sexy and he doesn't seem to care!

REPLY
2 years ago
Hmm you have spoken to him and directly asked is this because you are no longer attracted to me or find me desirable? I think he needs to really answer seriously. If he is still attracted to you, there needs to be something else he can work on to get the sex back in the marriage. If he's not attracted to you That's a whole lot more to deal with and work through and maybe counseling can help if he's willing.
I'm so sorry you're having these difficulties xx

ANSWER
2 years ago
Low testosterone levels?

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes may be a good start to just have a blood test and see what his levels are then it can rule out the whole not attracted thing then! Haha. Oh yay good times, a medical fact may just break my little heart lol.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yep, don't even have to think about it. It's not like i wouldn't try to get it back to start with but if I'd tried with no result I'd walk away. Humans are intimate creatures, some more than others. Just as you shouldn't force someone to have sex as often as you would like you shouldn't force someone to go without