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Would you pay to attend a wedding?

Answered 2 years ago

I have a friend who is getting married. This friend is infamous in our circle for her tight-arsedness. This time she has sent out her wedding invitations and has stated that the RSVP to accept the invitation will be the receipt of $65 into her bank account to pay for it.

To be clear, she doesn't have any children, has a great job, owns her home, and travels internationally a lot.

I think it's funny. What do you think?

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Answers

ANSWER
2 years ago
I find it absolutely disgusting that people expect their guests to pay to attend their wedding. If they can not afford to pay for their guests then maybe they should have a smaller wedding with out all the over the top decorations which are only going to be thrown out later anyway.

ANSWER
2 years ago
If they want money for people to pay for their food, it should be in lieu of a gift.
I dunno, personally I'm of the opinion that a wedding is a luxury and you should pay for your own and not expect anyone else to pay for it

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think she would have to be a really close friend for me not to think this wasn't rude. Also she would be getting a really crap wedding present from me.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I would never and didn’t ask my guests to pay. You want a wedding you pay or just elope haha

ANSWER
2 years ago
.

ANSWER
3 years ago
Wouldn't get huffy, but that 65 bucks would be her gift as well...

ANSWER
5 years ago
It depends who it was for. I'd have absolutely no problem paying for someone I was close to. It is a very common practice for people to pay for their own meals.

ANSWER
5 years ago
Nah. If they can't afford it why make other pay. They are meant to be your guests and they were invited. I think it is rude

ANSWER
5 years ago
I think it's rude! People generally put enough in a wishing well to cover their meals anyway! I would rather save up for longer and save the embarrassment of asking people to pay

ANSWER
5 years ago
Some people just like to complain. You could be a good friend and understand this is what she wants or you can carry on about it. If you don't like it don't go.

ANSWER
5 years ago
Perhaps she thinks your cheap and would rather you pay for your meal instead of a present.

ANSWER
5 years ago
Personally I think if someone wants the wedding, they should pay for it. I know people in a situation where they would never be able to attend friends/family members wedding if they had to pay (they make small handmade gifts).

In lieu of gifts though, I don't see how it would be a problem if it is a reasonable amount (about $50 a head, you don't need to go somewhere overly expensive).

My brother recently got married and his new wife is on the cheap side. She didn't want to pay for anything so asked me to make her invitations, the wedding cake, organise the hens night, bring a gift AND put money in the wishing well! She still can't figure out why I said no.

ANSWER
5 years ago
It is pretty common, we're not asking people to pay a cent towards our wedding as i find it inappropriate but I've never been to a wedding where i didn't have to fork over for the meal. One couple had this huge expensive wedding yet we still had to pay 75 bucks each to go. They had an open bar but i hate that as an excuse because not everyone drinks. I have had to miss out on receptions before because we couldn't afford the meal at the time. I don't like it but it's becoming the norm these days

REPLY
5 years ago
Are you going to tell people not to purchase gifts also?

REPLY
5 years ago
Yes because i don't think a wedding requires gifts, it's a party to celebrate our marriage not an excuse to get gifts, we already own a house and everything in it plus have kids what could we possibly need. We are having drinks and alcohol supplied but also letting people know they are welcome to BYO in that department if they wish.

REPLY
5 years ago
And are you also paying people's travel and accommodation costs?

REPLY
5 years ago
I don't have to, we are having it at home and all our guests are local except my dad who i will be putting up for accommodation and the best man who is more than happy to travel (and will be staying with his family for free) as my husband to be was his best man and did the same for him. We are having less than 50 guests and a small wedding because that's all we can afford. We won't be putting ourselves in debt and expecting family and friends to pay just so we can have a huge wedding that is no more meaningful than a small one.

REPLY
5 years ago
Sounds like a fun wedding, I hope you have a fantastic day!

ANSWER
5 years ago
It is so tacky and hideous i would judge the bride endlessly! It's no one else's responsibility to pay for your wedding or give you money or do things for you! It's right up there with wishing wells and gift registries! I think people who ask for money, that's essentially what it is, are just greedy and shameless and should be so embarrassed of themselves. Worst kind of people yuk!

REPLY
5 years ago
I disagree on the wishing well and gift registry being of the same ilk. There is a difference between asking people to put money into a wishing well or buying something on a gift registry if they want to, and expecting people to deposit into your account an exact amount.

REPLY
5 years ago
Agree completely!

REPLY
5 years ago
I think its a great idea. Why should the bride/groom pay for your meal?

ANSWER
5 years ago
Its no different to a gift registry. This would be cheaper.

ANSWER
5 years ago
I think its a great idea.

ANSWER
5 years ago
She is rude and gate crash the wedding

REPLY
5 years ago
Because gate crashing someones wedding is the opposite of rude and a perfectly natural response?

REPLY
5 years ago
Gate crash? She won't have anywhere to sit.

ANSWER
5 years ago
No way. I agree with previous posts. If you can't afford food at a venue for your guests, have something at your house and maybe ask immediate family to help out with the food.

ANSWER
5 years ago
So is the expectation that you must bring a gift to the wedding not at all of similar greed?

REPLY
5 years ago
Do people expect gifts from everyone? Gifts are nice, but I never expect them, and I can do without them. Doesn't mean I won't invite people to dinner if they don't bring me a $40 bottle of wine or box of chocolates in exchange.

REPLY
5 years ago
Yes, weddings "traditionally" have the expectation that you bring a gift, and the only reason people would not bring one is if you asked them not to. Please tell me why expecting someone to bring you a gift and spend their money on you that way is somehow so much more ok then asking them to instead pay for their meal??

ANSWER
5 years ago
At work a few years ago, there was a wedding. The guests had to pay for their own meal AND thet had a wishing well
So rude.

ANSWER
5 years ago
It's not about the meal vs the gift or how much you pay compared to how much you buy, or whether the bar is open or not. To me, if you invite a guest, then they are YOUR GUEST, not your client. I would never attend a wedding without a gift, and would never compare the meal the the gift. It's just so,...grabby. Actually, you know what? If the bride called me and said, 'look, we really want our friends to be at our wedding, but we're broke, do you think you would mind throwing in some money to come so we can celebrate with you?'. Then I would say, by all means. But this is truly and simply tight-arsedness. It's so funny, I can't miss the event. It's like people who fight on Facebook. Your know your shouldn't look, but you do!

ANSWER
5 years ago
Well you'd better RSVP on time or they might fey back to you with their bank statement as evidence...

REPLY
5 years ago
Ha ha ha !

ANSWER
5 years ago
Disgusting. Such poor taste. If you can't afford the wedding don't have it!

ANSWER
5 years ago
I don't see what the problem is.... Lots of people have wishing wells at weddings, all the bride is doing is actually asking for the price of the meal that's all that's different!
If both myself and husband where going to a wedding we would put $100 in a card as a present especially as most couples have a house and don't need set of glasses or toasters or tea cups!
So yes adding an extra $30 would mean we have to budget on other things but if she is truly your friend you would want to be there to celebrate her day!

REPLY
5 years ago
The problem is...... give me $65 per person or don't come to my wedding. If you get married, or at your wedding do you or did you expect everyone to put into your wishing well? Or give you a gift? Some people, especially if the wedding requires travel and accomodation might not be able to afford anything at all. Are those people not welcome? Unless I'm reading wrong , this couple has an expectation. Pay $65 or don't come. For me, that's an issue.

REPLY
5 years ago
I am married and everyone gave us money Expect one guest who gave us a voucher for bedsheets... I remember as we only had 18 people at our wedding. We didn't ask for money, we didn't ask for anything and we didn't expect anything. We paid for the meals & drinks for 3 hours.
Don't really see what my wedding has got to do with anything but there you go.....
Am not from Australia so maybe it's a different culture thing.
Anyway as I said I don't see the problem that's my opinion and you are allowed yours to, if you feel so strongly about paying $65/$130 for a meal don't go!!!

ANSWER
5 years ago
I would have a pig on the spit & some coleslaw and bread rolls plus a keg & a few cases of moet in my backyard before i asked guests to pay. Says nothing about my place in the 'class system' says more about growing up in the country. The best parties in my family involve a pig on the spit & a keg.
Auctually my friends these days would probably find it a novelty ;-)

REPLY
5 years ago
It would be so much more fun to me too .

REPLY
5 years ago
I would prefer dog on the spot but each to their own

ANSWER
5 years ago
Yeah this would be fine with me I love weddings and know how expensive they are! i hated seeing all the empty seats at mine what a waste

REPLY
5 years ago
Me too! Weddings are so much fun! $65 for food and drinks I'm there😀

ANSWER
5 years ago
The popular rules of etiquette say that you gift should be at least equal to the cost your attendance (per person). So why not drop $130 ask skip the middle man?

REPLY
5 years ago
And*

REPLY
5 years ago
There you go, for all you people hellbent on "tradition".

REPLY
5 years ago
Agreed. Just pay it but don't bring a gift.

ANSWER
5 years ago
Sorry don't see the big deal, you'd be spending that money on a gift anyway, now your just paying for your meal???

REPLY
5 years ago
Wow! Who spends $65 on gifts. It would probably be $65 each as well. So who would spend $130 on gifts. I'm sorry but I only do $50

REPLY
5 years ago
Sorry just read. $65 on it's own

REPLY
5 years ago
Only $50 for a gift? That's cheap

REPLY
5 years ago
not everyone is rich and $50 is a good amount ^

REPLY
5 years ago
You can get some fabulous gifts for under $50. I got my cousin and his wife some Maxwell & Williams champagne flutes on sale ($25!) and had them both engraved with their initials. All up it cost me $50. But there were some other great gift ideas available. Monogrammed towels, tea towels, sheet sets. A picnic basket. Shit, a picnic if you know what they like and that they're not going anywhere the next day. Find out what wine they like and get a bottle of that in the vintage of what year they met. A canvas of a photo of them together. A wax sealer for their thank you notes. A tea set.

REPLY
5 years ago
Well my $10 in the wishing well was rude then wasnt it.... in saying that ive only ever attended weddings that have family cater. And our gifts(and payment of food) to them is the labour. Honestly tho its the best kind of wedding. Family and friends combining and working together to make your day special... thats what marriage is all about.

ANSWER
5 years ago
This isn't new when my dad married my step mum 23 years ago they had their guest pay for their own meals, they did it slightly different they hired out a pub and just had everyone order off the menu. My mum married my step dad 20 years ago they asked family to pay for things for the wedding instead of gifts my uncle got them 2 nights in a hotel. When it comes to weddings there is no normal or right or wrong. Weather you like it or not, do or don't go is up to you but it isnt new.

When I got married I payed for everyones meals and everything but had a optional wishingwell.

ANSWER
5 years ago
Omg!! Call the police!! My husband and I asked for people to pay for their meals instead of buying us a gift! And I'm glad we did because we had people who actually wanted to be there. We supplied everything else like grog and accomodation, as we had a wedding 3hrs from our home town.
If you have a problem with it, don't go! Simple.

REPLY
5 years ago
Some people ask that you pay for your own meal and do not request no gifts etc so you end up paying for travel, accommodation, gift, and to then add a meal ticket and drinks on top is a bit much really! Depends who you are and who your guests are. If you know your guests will be put out then you shouldn't be asking for money, etiquette rules aside.

ANSWER
5 years ago
I think the point of inviting people to your wedding is to share your joy with them. I find it tacky to weigh up the cost of a meal for my guests compared to how much they might spend on a gift for me.

REPLY
5 years ago
And the point of going to a wedding is to share the joy with them, perhaps it's just as tacky to sit around bitching about your supposed friend and weighing up how much you will be spending compared to how much you would have spent on a gift for them.

REPLY
5 years ago
That's just the point. I wouldn't compare how much the meal is compared to the gift I bring. I would always bring a gift. - whether or not I have to pay for my meal. I would base the gift on something they want, need, or would like, not on the value of a meal.

REPLY
5 years ago
That is literally what your doing. If you choose to buy a gift even when asked not to, that's on you and not the fault of the couple.

REPLY
5 years ago
But what they want/ would like is to help with the cost of the wedding not a physical gift so that's not really true what you just said-

REPLY
5 years ago
The invitation did not mention gifts.

ANSWER
5 years ago
It's fair to say that you might spend that amount on gifts, but it's still rather tacky as not very traditional or in the spuri of tbe day!

REPLY
5 years ago
Who says people need to be traditional?

REPLY
5 years ago
Who says you have a right to ask for money?

REPLY
5 years ago
I'm not asking anyone for money, just asking you why you think everybody needs to do things in a way you personally approve of or "traditionlly".

ANSWER
5 years ago
Don't like it don't go

ANSWER
5 years ago
I'm going to assume that this is to pay for your meals, which is actually incredibly common these days, if it's in lieu of gifts that is. I don't really see the problem with it, because generally it can work out cheaper then buying a gift anyway.

REPLY
5 years ago
Yes but when it comes to gifts, shouldn't people have a choice with how much they spend, or give to a wishing well? Most people attend as a couple and so that would be $130. That is generally more than I'd end on a gift or put in a well. Call me a tight arse, but I hate the expectation or assumption that anything less than $200 for a wedding is stingy. Weddings bring out the worst in people!

REPLY
5 years ago
Then don't go? All these people are calling this bride tacky and a tight arse, all while complaining about maybe $30 extra then they would usually spend.

ANSWER
5 years ago
I bet she expects gift or money as well

ANSWER
5 years ago
It would depend on who's wedding it was. If it was a close family member or friend I'd go. Anyone else, no. It's tacky, it's rude and if you can't afford a wedding, wait and save up, have a BBQ in your backyard, or just go to a registry office.

ANSWER
5 years ago
In lieu of gifts, I have seen this done. Typically gifts are all household needs, if she already has a house, why not just get the money.

ANSWER
5 years ago
I think its disgraceful to ask your guest's for money to attend your wedding. Is this what our society has become. We are so selfish and greedy that we demand money from people to attend our wedding. Anyone who thinks that is acceptable is missing a chromosome actually chromosomes! !!
I really cant understand the mentality of some people these days. Pay me $65 to go to my wedding! !! That is robbery. I bet if you dont go she wont speak to you again either. Pay me to attend my wedding or else...
The world really has gone mad. Paying someone to attend their wessing is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard of. Forget the "you were going to buy her a present anyway" crap. Buying a present is not a condition of going to a wedding, and who said how much you were going to spend.
I wouldnt go myself. I would refuse to pay someone money to be a guest at their wedding.
Most absurd thing I have seen all week!

ANSWER
5 years ago
If it's such a big deal for you then don't go, simple. Obviously this friend isn't worth it in your opinion.

ANSWER
5 years ago
I wouldn't pay to attend a wedding. If she's so concerned about costs there are other ways to keep the price down than asking your guests to pay for themselves. Has she also said no gifts necessary? Or are you aware if it's an open bar? Personally I allow a budget of $100 per wedding. If it's $65 each for a meal, you're over the limit just by inviting hubby and I. If it's $65/couple with a cash bar, I've got $35 left for drinks. If it's an open bar, you've got a $35 present coming your way bride and groom ☺

REPLY
5 years ago
Lol I worded that weirdly. One sentence should read "If she's so concerned about costs there are other ways to keep the price down than asking her guests to pay for themselves." Oops. Carry on.

ANSWER
5 years ago
What a tight arse. But if you are gonna go, at least you wouldn't have to get her a gift. Can sort of see why she already owns her own place. Lol

ANSWER
5 years ago
Did she mean it as a joke? Because that's not cool at all... Did she at least offer a discount for couples or people on diets? ;)

ANSWER
5 years ago
I rather spend 65 elsewhere lol if you go and pay I wouldn't bother with a gift