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Sex while your asleep

Answered 2 days ago

For a while now of a morning mainly my partner will have sex with me while I'm asleep, I either wake up and realise and drift back off to sleep or am aware but still asleep. He's always gentle and kind but it's a little creepy I say your basically raping me and he tells me I love it cause I get wet...
Does anyone else's husband does this...?

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Answers

ANSWER
6 days ago
This isn't much of an answer but more of a question.
Husband takes photos and videos doing things to me when I'm asleep I've told him a few times now that i don't l like it and it makes me feel uncomfortable and he says he wont do it again well he did.
I'm stay at home mom and don't get that great of sleep so when i sleep, i sleep..ya know plus bad dreams and other crap going on but..
Anyways he has been doing things to me and recording it and hides it in his phone somewhere.
He doesn't actually try to wake me up bc I'm sure if my daughter can to tell me she has a wet pull up, I'm sure he could wake me up for sex instead of what he's been doing to me.
I just find it weird and creepy and not right.
Please help me out bc I'm feel like I'm going crazy.

Sorry if this is confusing to follow I'm just so lost right now.

REPLY
5 days ago
He clearly has no respect for you. You have told him to stop. He hasn’t. And another concern is, what is he doing with those photos and videos? I can’t speak for you, but for me that would be a deal breaker. What a disgusting and vile person he is You deserve so much better.

REPLY
3 hours ago
Do not drink or eat anything he gives you before bed. He is drugging you in order to rape you. Sorry if that is blunt but you need to hear it. Go to police. They will be able to get access to his phone to find where he has uploaded the videos to

ANSWER
2 days ago
Similar situation happened to me, my husband and I had a few drinks at weekend, I had more than usual and he went to bed and I came up afterwards. When I got into bed I fell asleep. But I hazed awake at him kissing me. But I fell back asleep. Next morning I had a feeling and when went to bathroom I felt sore like a cut. I asked him if we had sex and he laughed and said am I serious? Do I not remember. I said no but he thinks am joking. I don’t remember. So I said did u finish and cum he said aye but I was asleep. My head is so confused! He said well u did kiss me back and u were wet. But I fell asleep I was so tired to kiss him. So he must have known that!

ANSWER
2 years ago
I ca not believe what I am reading this is not okay, no matter how people try to justify it. It is not consensual if one party is asleep. It's not okay for someone to do this to another person it's illegal and needs to be dealt with. No one in their right mind should do this to their partner who they supposedly love. It's not love its rape, you can not give consent if you are asleep, drunk or wacked out on goodness knows what. NO iffs buts or maybe's about it.


REPLY
2 months ago
Consent was given when you said "I Do" if you are married. Unless you have some medical problem whee sex is not enjoyable to you, then sex at any time is part of marriage. If you don't like it, leave and take 50% of his assets and look for a eunuch to marry

REPLY
2 months ago
^ Um what? No. Saying ‘I do’ does not mean ‘sex whenever you want’. Marriage is NOT ownership. You’re still a person with rights.. and you have the right to say No.

REPLY
1 month ago
That's not true. Consent was not given the day u got married or said I do...
U are a human a husband must respect and treat his, with with pride and dignity. We not just dolls. You want a doll? Go buy one you can fiddle with while it's asleep. Sies

ANSWER
2 months ago
I also find this creepy the fact that whenever I fall asleep my husband does sex with me... even though if I wake he just waits for me to fall asleep... sometimes it hurts I meant my whole body aches.... I may fell asleep but I do feel those touches....
And every night he waits for me to fall asleep
What's going on

ANSWER
1 year ago
I know this is an old post but I thought I would give my opinion. My husband of almost 20years (we have been together since we were teenagers so we have worked out what we like and don’t like together) knows he can wake me for sex. He would never actually start having sex without me being awake first though. He will rub my hip, or lightly caress my breasts (I am a very light sleeper so it doesn’t take much to wake me) . He’ll kiss my neck etc but he would never actually start having sex without me being awake first. To actually insert himself in you while your sleeping is not right, waking you up first is respectful. And I personally love being woken up to his hands on my body. Middle of the night sex is amazing! but it needs to be started in the correct way.

REPLY
4 months ago
Middle of the night sex where you both wake up and consent is given is not the same as or even comparable to waking up with a penis inside you.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Im sorry but i buy into the "let him or leave him" philosophy. My husband regularly does this as I am a deep sleeper and dont mind. If you were awake would you say no or ask him to stop before he finishes? Then why does it matter? Youre asking in public where they would also tell you to make him do his own laundry. You cant think about what other people would think, youre not on tv. Its you and your husband and nobody needs to know what you let him do to you. Would you want him complaining online about what you WONT do in bed? Then why is it ok to complain about what he DOES do? On my wedding day this lady that i idolize and think of as a mother told me a piece of advice. To leave my dignity at the bedroom door and that what makes a woman good in bed is what or how much she is willing to do or let her husband do. She is like an older clone of me so I trusted her experience but the feminist messaging I had as a recent college grad was making it hard to take the advice to heart. I actually laughed but now I feel bad about it. All she meant is that I should not get into my head about what he wants to do because I am not dirty or slutty for choosing to make him happy. If anything you and I dont technically DO anything, its being done to us so its not slutty if we didnt come up with it or ask for it. Its a way to be a guilt free awesome lover. I do not have any boundaries or hangups about sex other than I demand loyalty and am not okay with other women or men in our bed, but I AM the "good girl type" I dont really need sex and my enjoyment comes from pleasing my husband otherwise i guess i was raised to think a lady doesnt like sex. That being said, why would i have a problem with doing it while I sleep??? He can do all the things that hurt or bother other girls with zero judgement. He works while I stay home so I can rest all i need to, the only downsides to this arrangement is that sometimes my stomach will hurt if he hits my back wall real hard, and a crusty eye or the different tastes in my mouth depending on what he did and where he finished. I sleep with my mouth open and my eyes are a little bit open usually. lol. Look, guys want a girl to do whatever he wants in bed, why NOT use a trick to let you miss the details?

I have a medical issue that meant i wasnt supposed to be able to have kids. I told my ob/gyn about what we are discussing and she said the odds of me having sex at the tiny window(s) of fertility are astronomical. When I got pregnant she brought in every partner in her office. (my condition is super rare but well known). they asked me questions about how it happened and when we got to frequency of intercourse i told them "every night for 8 years". And when we beat the odds for carrying to term without my body rejecting the baby there was another group note session where they asked if we had intercourse during the 9 months. We hadnt because we were scared to. They said that without constant exposure to the fathers dna i should have rejected. Another miracle. Because we werent having vaginal sex I was giving him a "bj" instead. Quotes because he is a big guy and i have jaw problems so theyre not really blowjobs. He came up with the idea for him to get himself ready by masturbating and then i would finish him with my mouth. Here's the miracle part. The doctors said that because we were not having intercourse if i wasnt swallowing his semen regularly I would have lost my little girl. A medical doctor actually said those words and said they are going to submit my patient file to a medical journal. My own mother told me not to do that favor for my husband, that every day was ridiculous. Had I done what youre doing here and not listened to the woman that said to "check my dignity at the bedroom door"... i would have been too proud and defiant, i would never have gotten pregnant nor had the baby.







REPLY
4 months ago
WTF is right 😂 2 years this crazy-ass comment went unnoticed. Jesus hahaha

ANSWER
1 year ago
Hello I’m just wondering if this could be happening to me
I’ve been noticing semen coming out of me during the day but have definitely not had sex ( that I’ve been aware) of with my husband night before
We split a few months ago for s while br amuse he had filmed me while I was asleep one night and I have woken up to him touching me but he says his asleep
I’m reading these now really worried he has taken it further ?! But can’t believe I wouldn’t know

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes unfortunately, I take sleeping tablets and I’ve woken up with him on me.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Hey! Chill! I am a girl and I have the sleep sex fantasy! See what I am only saying is just make your husband aware that he should have your consent and you are fine to go.

ANSWER
2 years ago
what'd you decide, OP? Are you okay?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Are you possibly interacting with him unknowingly in your sleep? Me and my boyfriend are both sexsomniacs. We both randomly initiate sex and reciprocate in our sleep without knowing. We do usually wake up in the middle completely confused but continue because we enjoy it but if you don’t enjoy it once you are awake even if you were reciprocating in your sleep that means he is in the wrong. Once you say stop no matter the circumstances, he should stop. i suggest having a serious talk with him because he seems to be taking the situation and your feelings too lightly especially if you aren’t reciprocating in your sleep and he is just having sex with you while you are laying there completely out of it. That isn’t okay at all!

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes

ANSWER
2 years ago
I’m googling this because it’s happening to me! I love my husband but this is freaking me out!

REPLY
2 years ago
This is happening to me too. I feel like a sex slave.

ANSWER
4 years ago
You need to talk to him about it properly. If you don't like it and it is making you feel "off" - tell him and come up with a solution together eg. Waking you properly, A safe word, no sex until after your morning wee or you brush your teeth or something. If he doesn't respect your wishes I would make him sleep elsewhere until he gets it (well actually I would tell him to leave but that's me).

My husband and I will often initiate sex whilst the other is asleep but there is no sex until we are both awake, if that makes sense? So I might kiss him and give him oral until he wakes and reaches for me or says something to acknowledge he is ready, or not, and we will continue, or not. He does the same for me. We have a lot of love, respect and trust in our relationship and we speak openly and often.

It does sound like you need to work on a few things with your partner. Communication is key.

REPLY
2 years ago
I know I am just rolling onto this from a year ago, but what an awesome answer!!

ANSWER
3 years ago
This is a very touchy subject, personally I have consented to let my husband do this. I also have consent to start playing with him if he's asleep. Many a morning he has woken to a blowjob.
So you need to decide if this is something you are okay with or not. If not then you need to make it very clear to him it is wrong and being wet is not a good enough reason. If he doesn't stop then you also need to decide if it's worth staying with someone who so obviously does not care about how you feel on something that is supposee to be an act of love between to people. Not just one person.

ANSWER
4 years ago
As a Judge, because of the nature of your relationship to your partner, if you did not ask him to stop its not rape. On the other hand if you did ask him to stop and he continued then it could be rape. No one ( including especially police officers) can judge another person unless the facts in relation to this matter have been heard in a court of law and only then a we can judge. Jumping to conclusins can make you pretty embarrassed and for those of you who like to make assumptions and especially the police officer who commented earlier, the word ASSUME stands for making an ASS out of U and ME!

REPLY
4 years ago
Hi there,
I'm going to call it on this one: I don't think you are a Judge. Your language, vernacular and opinions support this view.
Furthermore, Judges uphold the law. You are ignoring the laws regarding rape and how consent relates to it. Pretending you are a member of the judiciary in order to influence OP is more a reflection on yourself than anything.

REPLY
3 years ago
That is a reasonable answer, but I do not know if it would hold true in all jurisdictions anymore. I would imagine a lot of married couples don't say anything leading up to sex. There may be some that do affectionate/sexual things in response before they are fully awake.

ANSWER
3 years ago
My ex used to so it. But only when I was passed out drunk. I found out when I obviously wasn't as passed out as he thought and woke up. Was so awkward. Yes he did stop cos I was like wtf but... he is an ex for a reason lol

ANSWER
4 years ago
Sleep with underwear on. Then you can say yay or no when he goes to tug at it.

REPLY
3 years ago
Underwear has no lock!!

ANSWER
4 years ago
Sooo not cool! You are being violated without consent. No consent = rape😡 You need to get him out now!

ANSWER
4 years ago
I actually don't mind when my husband does this, it doesn't happen all the time but I love waking up to see him getting aroused and horny over me. I have given him prior consent to this happening though, we don't call it rape. I also know he films me thinking I don't know about it haha whatever gets him off!!

REPLY
4 years ago
Red flags EVERYWHERE 😧

REPLY
4 years ago
I think that's hot that he films it lol oh and she gives consent to waking up to sex... i would love that!
Who asks for sex in a relationship? It sgould just happen

REPLY
4 years ago
^ it should just happen if both parties want it to. Sex in a relationship should not just be expected.

REPLY
4 years ago
Let me assure you it is very very hot!! Sometimes I return the favour. Each to there own. We never complain about our sex lives as it is quite fulfilling and spontaneous. If I didn't like it I would tell him so. But there is no feeling better than to be woken up all tingly with hands caressing my bottom and my back with kisses on my neck knowing he has been playing with me while I am asleep. Gets me hot just thinking about it. To me this is foreplay as it's hard to find a timeline for sex with a few kids in the house.

REPLY
4 years ago
I'd hate to be woken up like that. Getting touched while asleep, to me doesn't sound not but a complete violation. But as you say each to their own. Your husband knows it's ok to do it. So in your case it's acceptable, But if a man does its knowing it isn't ok, or he doesn't stop when told to then that is completely different.

ANSWER
4 years ago
Hi there, As a Police Officer reading this, I am very, very sorry this is happening to you but what your husband is doing to you is RAPE. I am sorry if what I have said is harsh but it's the truth. If you did not give consent to have sex in the first place, it is RAPE, full stop and your husband IS commiting a crime. I'm not sure whereabouts you are in Australia or the world but you NEED to report this to Police immediately. Please, please, please seek help, your husband cannot continue to do anything to you without YOUR CONSENT.

ANSWER
4 years ago
Yes my husband has done this before. I was also not really asleep but not actually awake either, he also thought because i got wet and made small noises and body moments that i was more awake then i was. i dont know about you but my husband doesnt actually ever say 'can i have sex with you/do you want sex' and wait for a yes or no, kind of ruins the mood for me, For us its all about body language rather then actual spoken words and we also start off spooning so he cant see my face much.
We had a chat about it, in our case it wasnt a big deal as it was an honest mistake and it never happened again. I would definitely be having a talk with him, tell him your have been asleep and that it really isnt ok , if thats how you feel, or that you have been asleep and want him to wake u up a bit more before starting, if thats how you feel.

REPLY
4 years ago
But you're fully wake and giving your consent with your response, right? An unconscious person cannot give consent. no matter how they react to sexual advances. That is the difference here.

REPLY
4 years ago
No like i said im not actually awake but i wasnt asleep either. I was in the light sleep where your aware but not really.

REPLY
4 years ago
Any bodily responses i gave werent intentional

REPLY
4 years ago
You're not awake. You said you're in a light sleep, that is not awake. You're unable to give consent even if partially aware of what is happening. I'm really astounded some men think they can have sex with you when you're asleep. Even when half asleep.

REPLY
4 years ago
Thats what i said.

He didnt know i was asleep as it started just like most times we have sex. If he knew i was asleep it wouldnt have happened.

REPLY
4 years ago
Since it started like most time we had sex he thought i was giving consent since thats how i would usually give consent, except that time i wasnt aware that i was doing anything.

REPLY
4 years ago
Thats the point i was trying to get accross, which is why it wasnt an issue for me, he took my body language as consent despite i was asleep which he didnt know. Which is why it is not rape, that is my point. Why your arguing the point i already said i dont know

REPLY
4 years ago
^ if it's not an issue for you, then it isn't an issue. Boundaries in relationships need to be clear. Because for some this kind of thing would be an issue. It comes down to respect and knowing what is and isn't ok within the confines of your relationship.

ANSWER
4 years ago
If you have asked him to stop he needs to respect your wishes and stop. It is not on to keep it going.

My ex did this. I told him I didn't like it and he had to stop. He used the "you started it" line but I kept telling him that he needs to make sure I'm awake first before doing anything. It was at a time when I wasn't in the mood for sex because I was going through a lot and I could handle a couple of times a week but just needed a few nights where I could just lay next to him without having sex with him. Eventually I gave up and just laid there while he did what ever when I woke up and tried to picture someone else. If I needed a break I would try to get him to fall to sleep on the lounge and sneak into bed and grab my kids to sleep in bed so we took up the whole bed and he had no where to sleep.

ANSWER
4 years ago
There is not enough info in your post. If you wake up do you tell him to stop? If you drift off back to sleep before that do you tell him to stop?
If your not actively telling him to stop then no sorry I don't consider this rape and he is going off your body language and signals (being wet)
How you have then told him "you're basically raping me" sounds like a very off the cuff comment.
You need to sit down and talk to him and enforce when you do or don't want sex. If he continues after this chat then by all means yes it's rape and you need to leave and report him.

ANSWER
4 years ago
So by his reasoning if a guy comes up to him and rapes him and your husband gets an erection because he will that means that he wanted it. Your husband is raping you! What is worse is that doesn't see it that way. You need to get out now.

ANSWER
4 years ago
I've written about this before. My husband and I frequently have sleep sex. He is whats referred to as a sexomniac. For us, it's okay as neither of us mind. But there's been times when I've woken up to him playing with me and I've not wanted it. So I tell him no, and try and wake him up enough so he can hear me. And he stops. There's people who will no doubt argue with me about this, but as it's my relationship and I'm happy with it. So there 😋
The fact that you don't want it means he should stop. A no is a no. If he pulls out that "oh but you were wet" crap, remind him that if a big aggressive gay man was to forcibly stick his hand up your husband's bum and play with his prostate, he'd probably cum. But it'd still be sexual assault.
And remind him that you're not some porn star in a rape fantasy scene. No means no. No excuse can change that.

ANSWER
4 years ago
If you are unable to give consent (asleep, intoxicated, drugged, whatever it is) then *it is rape*.

ANSWER
4 years ago
Devils Advocate .....
Maybe he doesn't realise your still asleep, you could be half awake, making subtle gestures that are neither for or against it. Maybe tell him you've been sleep heavily lately & want to more awake before getting randy.

ANSWER
4 years ago
If he doesnt get your consent, it's rape. Simple as that! For him to say it's ok because you get wet while he is doing it and therefore you enjoy it is very ignorant. And definitely not ok. He needs to learn basic biology. Just like an erection doesn't always mean he's aroused and all it is sometimes is a purely physical reaction, the same goes for females. Why does he not think to wake you up and ask your permission? Your husband is a Neanderthal.

ANSWER
4 years ago
Woah, tell him its not on a set a boundary.

ANSWER
4 years ago
If you don't want him to do it, it's rape. It doesn't matter if you get wet or not. Make it clear you need to be fully awake first.

REPLY
4 years ago
I don't like it or dislike it I just never had it happen before with another guy and we've been together 2&1/2 years and only just started. I don't know