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Who should initiate sex and how to go about that?

Answered 19 days ago

My wife is used to the men initiating sex all the time, leaves me feeling like she doesnt desire me. I dont expect her to do it all the time but once in a while would be nice. Ive expressed this to her but we keep falling back into just not having sex because if i dont come to her she wont. Then she gets very insecure that we are not having sex. And starts asking me if i am cheating or what not. Which im not i never would. I love my wife. I desire her very much, i just wish i felt desired by her as well. She doesnt show it.

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Answers

ANSWER
19 days ago
Sometimes we try and you all miss the bloody signs. Short of lying on a bed naked you men can be quite thick sometimes.

ANSWER
19 days ago
Maybe to her sex isn't an important factor in a relationship. A lot of people think sex makes a happy marriages and you must do it reg to be happy and satisfied. But sometimes sex is the last thing on a womans mind.

We have a lot to worry about work, kids, family, friends, partners, housework, cooking, homeschooling, worrying about finances etc and sometimes something so trivial as initiating or sex at all just comes in the background.

Is it really that important that she initiates sex?
If you feel un wanted you need to work on yourself, its not up to your wife to boost your ego.

REPLY
19 days ago
Like wise its not up to you to boost her ego. It is actually sa so many people post on here with out GOING TO THEIR PARTNER and talking like reasonable people about their issues.

Furthermore with everything going on in the world sex is the last thing that people shoukd be worried about. You know what to do if she doesnt want sex do it yourself.

ANSWER
20 days ago
I am the same with my husband but I desire him a lot. He knows I would have sex anytime he asks but I seldom ask. I would never say no unless I am ill or dead tired. I, however desperately want to be wooed and seduced. I crave that. Flowers, text messages, compliments, a look or a touch - all works for me. I have a very low self-esteem and so it takes a lot for me to ask. Ask your wife how she feels about herself, about you, about your relationship and what she wants or needs. Sounds like you are an awesome person with a gorgeous wife. Treasure that!

REPLY
19 days ago
Yes i can def understand this, i do try and let her know constantly in small ways how beautiful she is, i leave her messages around the house on notes in the bathroom mirror telling her i love her and she means the world to me. I constantly tell her she looks great in those shoes, that dress ect, i touch her here and there, come at her from behind and hug her while she is putting plates away give her a kiss on the neck, i let her know how much i think she is beautiful to me constantly. Its just she doesn't do it to me like ever only when i bring it up for a like a few moments then she forgets about it and just wants me to make her feel it all but i get hurt its so one sided, like i want to feel like she desires me and finds me attractive to, if i dont see it i start feeling like maybe she is not into me anymore. Like she is too cool to come at a man or something idk, its just odd to give her all this and then still be left with nothing but accusations and complaints becasue we are not intimate.

REPLY
19 days ago
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I would love that! I would tell her how you feel. Have an honest, open conversation with her.

ANSWER
20 days ago
She might desire you a lot but not have the drive you do? It’s impacted by so much. She sounds a little insecure, probably doesn’t help things. I feel for you OP having to deal with allegations of cheating constantly... that would be tough.

Maybe she’s just not as sexual but when you initiate and things get going she gets into it. When she question why your not having sex remind her that if she wants it, having a crack at it is better than having a conversation 😉

I completely understand how it’s wrapped up in your feeling undesired. I want sex much more than my fella and it hurts being knocked back. Certainly puts a dent in the self esteem. Good luck!

ANSWER
20 days ago
She might be feeling insecure in herself and as a result won’t initiate incase she is rejected. Try and boost her confidence a little. Send her a message while she’s at work, something like “you looked so sexy this morning while getting dressed. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to marry you”. Let her know she is desired and sexy.