You’re having a baby! Congratulations! You’re so excited to welcome your new family member and you have the perfect name! Except your jerk husband hates it. What do you do?
You might have had the name picked out since you were a kid. Or it could be a family name that means a lot to you. Whatever it is, it might be something you’ve absolutely fallen in love with and have your heart set on, but your other half won’t come around.
Maybe he’s making suggestions that are just terrible, and causing you to cry. Because you’re hormonal and his name choices are just so awful, you are convinced he must hate you and the baby, it’s the only explanation for the names he’s throwing at you (yes, I do believe I accused my own husband of this once).
In fact, it can be shocking to find out that this is something you can’t see eye-to-eye on because up until now, you’ve always been really compatible. And now, you’ve discovered you are bringing a new life into this world with a man whose taste in names is clearly up his arse!
You can’t avoid it forever because baby needs a name. Instead of arguing about it, here are some suggestions to get you talking about it together so you can come up with a name you both love.
1. Write down the names of all your exes (and mortal enemies)
Just get it over and done with. These are all no-nos, even if the name is awesome. It’s just bloody weird for everyone if you find out down the track that you named your kid after an ex the other partner didn’t know about. Don’t even try to justify this, you’ll cause yourself a world of headaches. So if you like the name Josh, but you had a fling with a sexy guy named Josh at uni, the hubster is probably not going to be understanding if he ever finds out.
Include people who you hate on the list too. Unfortunately, my husband seemed to hate just about everyone with every name I ever loved. Every name I suggested seemed to come with “I went to school with a girl with that name and…” I’ve got a mate who is a high school teacher who had the same problem, she needed to find a name that she didn’t associate with a student who made her life merry hell.
2. Do you have similar tastes?
Perhaps he likes traditional names and you like names that are unique, with funky spelling. Can you compromise? You need to communicate your preferences with one another to find some common ground. Let them know why you don’t like certain names, don’t just say no (or cry!).
3. Write a list of the names you both like
My husband and I did this with our firstborn. After a lot of arguing, we each wrote a long, long list of names we liked. Then we matched up our lists and found there were a few on there we both could agree on.
4. Prepare to compromise
Look, if either of you absolutely hate a name, you aren’t going to get the other one to come around. Let it go. There are plenty more names in the sea. You will need to compromise here. Your top name isn’t going to get an outing, and neither is his.
5. Do research together
Spend some time looking at online baby name sites or get hold of one of those old-fashioned things known as a book that will contain thousands of names. Look through it together and see what you both like and don’t like. There will be plenty of names neither of you have considered before.
6. Take turns naming your kids
Some people swear by this one – you get to name this one and he can name the next one. I personally have reservations about this after I allowed my husband to name one of our pets.
7. Take your time
Don’t rush into anything. Keep searching. Keep making lists. Talk to family and friends. Ideas can keep coming from lots of places. Don’t hastily agree to a dud name just for the sake of stopping the argument. Turn it into an ongoing conversation.