Graduating from a uni student to full blown adult, you no longer cook two-minute noodles with the kettle.
You’ve upgraded to stir fry using posh hokkien noodles. And a wok! You even know what that is.
Adulting can be really hard, I often wonder if it should come with a practical and theoretical examination where you are awarded a certificate of competency.
Our tastes change, our knowledge increases and our cynicism grows along with a very random, spontaneously sprouting hair from the jawline. Where did it even come from? How long has it been there? Why did I never even notice it before it grew long enough to use as fishing line?
If you’re reading down the list going ‘OMG that’s me,‘ you’ll know you’re all grown up.
Welcome to adulthood…
30. You collect plastic bags.
And store them in plastic bags. You might even fold them into special origami triangle shapes with a little pocket on the side to tuck in the loose ends.
29. Your make up no longer contains copious amounts of glitter.
28. Breakfast food is now eaten at breakfast time and consists of a $7 Muesli, not Coco Pops.
27. You can’t remember the last time you: did the splits, climbed a tree, did a handstand or performed a cartwheel. Not while sober anyway.
26. You prefer Ikea to a Theme Park and your souvenirs are kitchen gadgets and storage items.
25. You often spend more than $5 on a bottle of wine, and can taste the difference.
24. You own a vacuum cleaner. And actually use it and know what the attachments are for.
23. You can understand why your Mum had ‘good towels’ and ‘towels you can use’.
22. You stop listing your Mum as the person to call ‘In case of an emergency’.
21. You would rather eat at a decent restaurant or cook than buy ‘junk food’. It’s savvy, no dishes or trash.
20. You go to the dentist rather than being taken to the dentist.
…and you claim it against your exorbitant health insurance that covers two parts of fuck all of the total cost.
19. You no longer care if your parents try and embarrass you in public, it won’t be long before they’re in Depends.
18. You are pretty much aware of exactly how much you have in your bank account – and it is never enough!
17. You don’t get upset if someone might not like you, you’re more concerned if you’ll like them.
16. Your hemlines are more appropriate.
15. You know where to get a good coffee at 6am in the morning.
14. You buy food before you run out of food.
13. You clean because it is nice to have a clean home, not because you have an inspection tomorrow.
12. You think New Year’s Eve might just be a tad over-rated.
11. Clubs and pubs have a certain smell about them that you never quite noticed before.
…a cross between stale yeasty beer and vomit. And the carpets are sticky.
10. You spend more money on 1000 thread count sheets…and less on triple vodka jelly shots and Red Bull!
9. You see the sun come up from the opposite side of the day.
8. You grow your own tomatoes rather than growing pot.
7. You’d rather stay home with your pet/significant other than hang out at the mall/pub/club.
6. Music is starting to sound ‘all the same’ and it’s too loud.
5. You are no longer excited about receiving mail. You know it’s a bill.
4. You are often baffled by technology, WTF is this cloud they speak of?
3. You pay less for car insurance.
2. You might have a tattoo that you regret.
1. You truly understand how precious sleep is. Especially if you have kids!
Did you just OMG all the way?!