A healthy sex life is awesome and really good for you, there’s no doubt about it!
Your mind and body respond positively in so many different ways that it becomes addictive and when you’re on a roll, well, you’re on a roll! But sometimes, life sends you hiccups like break-ups, prolapses, kids, and a plethora of strength-sapping tasks that make stoinking the last thing you feel up to after a long day.
To be honest, we have, all at some time, found reasons not to do it.
“Just don’t want to, can’t be bothered, too tired, too cranky, PMS is a bitch, nightly moisturiser routine is done already, haven’t waxed in two months, you really gave me the sh*ts today honey, don’t want to risk growing more children, don’t want to risk missing an episode of Outlander…”
Of the list of excuses as to why you aren’t having sex or possibly considering giving it a miss for a while (you know, till your NBN goes on the fritz and interrupts Netflix), I’m sure we’ve all considered or used one or more of them on occasion.
But what about if the ‘odd occasion’ became more frequent and led to no sex at all? Like forever? Or six months (that’s forever in my book, sorry)…
Apart from the huge amount of chocolate one would consume and the massive amount of TV shows and movies that could be watched uninterrupted from start to finish, what would change? Would one think or behave differently? And what would happen to one’s lady bits? I’m sure we can find out because thankfully, a portion women who have given up on doing the horizontal lambada, and a bunch of medical boffins, have laid down their stories, so there is plenty of truth to be told.
But…there’s also still a fair bit of urban myth surrounding the outcome of going on a bonking hiatus. Here are 7 myths about what happens when you stop having sex.
1. Your hymen will grow back
Your hymen will not grow back.
Once it’s gone, it’s gone! If you are desperately seeking a fancy new hymen, you can have it surgically restored in a procedure called hymenorrhaphy…mind you, if I was going to have an elective operation, I’d get new boobs. Just saying.
2. Your vagina will get, ahem, tighter.
Abstaining from sex for any period of time doesn’t cause your squish mitten to suddenly shrink down like a pair of flight socks thrown in the dryer. Having sex is actually a good workout for your pelvic floor muscles, especially if you orgasm.
I had a housemate once who said her vagina went into such strong spasms after having sex and her vagina would become so tight (there’s that word once more) that each time, it was like being a virgin again. I believe she lied and probably wasn’t a real blonde either.
3. You won’t be able to ward off germs and you’ll get sick a lot.
You can still ward off germs, and your risk of UTI (urinary tract infection) will be greatly reduced due to the lack of fingers, doodles and what-not moving bacteria around your vagina and urethra entrance! The lovers who are making out once or twice a week are receiving a decent boost in some seriously good antibodies which provide first line defense against viruses… you, however, will unfortunately, miss out on these. You know, because of the no sex thing…
4. You’ll be off your face with anxiety and stress.
Certainly, getting your freak on does indeed help you to relax and de-stress, as your brain releases truckloads of feel-good stuff like oxytocin and endorphins. These fancy chemicals also help us to rationalise and more easily cope with high-tension situations, unless, of course, you are humping your husband’s cousin’s wife’s uncle, that shit will have you freaking out, regardless.
You can still cope with stressful situations and dissipate anxiety successfully (you’re a parent right?) without relying on toe-tingling multiple orgasms. Yoga, boxing, and wine were invented specifically for this reason.
5. You’ll wave goodbye to your relationship.
If wild monkey sex has been a large part of your relationship and has taken a vacation for some reason (babies are the main culprit), it doesn’t mean the demise of your time together at all. Being open and honest with each other about your feelings (of wanting or not wanting to have donkey rides) is the best thing. You might find that both of you are content with a quick kiss, flick of the wrist and mouse click until that newbie is sleeping longer and you have more time for an extended round of hide the sausage.
6. You’ll grow some gnarly cobwebs downtown.
Hahahaha…I just really wanted to write cobwebs. It’s taken me back to my adolescence watching Rick Myall in Drop Dead Fred.
7. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
Um, no you won’t lose it completely, just the urge to get some becomes less obvious to you. Unless you’ve just woken up from one of those awesome sex dreams, it’s probably gonna be very obvious after that! The males of our species, however, may find some truth to the myth, because the lack of keeping up some wing in the wang frequently, can lead to problems like premature ejaculation. Here’s hoping they’re good for round two. Ding ding!