Ever had a questions about what you experience between the sheets, but don’t really know who to ask?
Fabulous news! You are not alone. Here’s what sex therapist, Kimberly Anderson had to say!
“Sometimes, when I’m having sex with my partner, I start off aroused and then lose interest. I want him to feel good and to ‘finish,’ but I feel awkward and would rather stop. Why does this happen? Is it normal?”
Don’t worry—you don’t have some undiagnosed sexual dysfunction just because you lose interest, occasionally, during sex, the key for you is to figure out what is working the other times. Knowing your body and communicating your wants, needs and desires are paramount when it comes to connected and satisfying sex. But what to do in the moment when you lose interest? Let your partner know how you want to be touched.
1. “Sometimes I feel emotional after sex and actually cry. It’s embarrassing, but is it normal?”
“Sexual behaviour can trigger a range of intense emotions, from euphoria to sadness to anger,” explains Kimberly. “The physiological experience of orgasm releases neurochemicals, such as oxytocin, dopamine and norepinephrine, in the female brain that can activate a host of unexpected, powerful emotions.”
2. “I feel like I have a very smelly vaginal scent. There’s been no change in discharge over the years, but I worry that the smell isn’t normal. Should I be concerned?”
“Probably not, especially if nothing has changed,” says Anderson. “Many women are self-conscious about their vaginal scent and are probably much more focused on it than their partners are.”
In fact, she adds, many women who believe they have a strong or offensive odour are surprised to hear that their husband or boyfriend is either unaware of a scent or finds it appealing or erotic. Though, if you or your partner notice an obvious change in vaginal odour or discharge, consult your doctor to rule out infection, adds Anderson.
3. “I’m worried about the fact that I frequently have pain during and after intercourse. It’s not intense, but it’s annoying and I can’t help but wonder if other women experience this too.”
The good news? You’re not alone. Many women have pain during sex only in certain positions, with certain partners or at certain times of the menstrual cycle. Obviously, severe or persistent pain should be seen to by your doctor.
4. “Is it normal to experience cramping after intercourse—even when you’re not expecting your period?”
Yes. Cramping after intercourse can be normal, especially if the cervix—the bottom portion of the uterus—has been jarred at all during sex, through contact with a penis, fingers or a sex toy. To reduce cramping during and after sex, try emptying your bladder before and after sex. If you experience persistent cramping after intercourse, it’s best to see your doctor to rule out any underlying health conditions like endometriosis, fibroids or a urinary tract infection.
5. “Sometimes, I ‘let fluffy of the chain’ during sex. I can’t help it! Why does this happen, and does it happen to other women?”
It’s normal and natural, and happens to a lot of people. The uterus, ovaries and vagina are located right near the colon, the largest portion of the gastrointestinal tract. During intercourse, any movement of these organs can also provoke movement of the colon, which is then able to release trapped air.
6. “One of my vaginal lips is bigger than the other. I’m worried that my partner thinks I have an ugly vagina! How do I know if mine is normal-looking?”
Every woman’s vagina is unique, and many are not symmetrical. Basically, there is no such thing as a normal or abnormal vagina. If you do notice that your vagina has changed, see your doctor, but if it’s always been that way – it’s just the way you are. Unfortunately, pornography and women’s magazines use airbrushing, making it easy for women to think they aren’t normal, but really, it’s those images that aren’t normal.
Do you have questions about sex you’re embarrassed to ask?
If you become concerned about any symptoms, please seek immediate medical attention. We have some hotlines and suggested websites for further information and advice.
SAHM takes no responsibility for any illness, injury or death caused by misuse of this information. All information provided is correct at time of publication.