Fancy A Bit Of Metrosexual Manscaping?

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with the girls and a topic arose that has since become a massive subject of discussion amongst the SAHM team.

The specific topic that came up was that of an aspect of Manscaping; defined as the grooming of a male below the belt, the shaving/waxing/ maintenance of superfluous hair….down there! Previously only really recognised as a practise indulged in by male strippers and selected homosexuals, the metrosexual male has risen up and claimed their spot in the ranks of the pubically groomed. And it’s not just the latte-sipping, designer clothes wearing city boys taking part my friends, a surprising amount of these men taking pride in their pubic ‘coiffure’ are typical Aussie blokes; husbands, footy coaches, school dads and tradies!

Now, I’m all for keeping it tidy around the twig and berries, after all no one wants to go downstairs for a bit of fun and end up with pubes up your nose, or worse, stuck in your teeth, but I’m not sure if some of these new extremes would sit all that well with me, or hubby!

ANAL WAXING

OK, so the premise behind the waxing of the butt hole is to minimise crap dags, plain and simple. Straight and gay men alike all sing the praises of a clean wipe, and removal of hair from the exit passage and hallways prevents any residuals being left behind should execution of faeces (ie, poo) not result in a “clean break!”. And whilst the cheeks of men aren’t usually follicle free, a lot of men are carrying on the cultivating by shaving and/or waxing them too!

PUBIC WAX

The reported number one reason for landscaping the manlands is that it gives the perceived illusion (or delusion!) of added length. Apparently the shorter the lawn, the taller the tree and with all men’s preoccupation with the girth and stature of their said “tree”………enough said. Oh, and probably some kind of warped consideration for the women in their lives and the whole pubic-hair-up-the-nose-thing!

BACK AND SHOULDER WAXING

OK, so not a part of the “zone” but a service listed on manscaping menus, Matthew McConaughey was right when he said that the shoulder and back of a man should “be like a slip and slide”. There is not a lot more sexy in a woman’s busy world than the smooth arms, shoulders and back of a man, preferably doing the dishes or just having brought in the washing. But most men do not have the time, or the pain threshold, for regular back waxes, and if I can go 3 months without shaving my legs in the winter, hubby can certainly be forgiven for the odd stray hair on the largest skin surface of his body. Its all up to personal preference, but hold back on the latest craze of the ‘Back, Crack and Sack Wax’ boys, unless you fancy spending your afternoon laying on a beauticians tables with a landing strip of hot wax from ball sack to neck crack.

BLEACHING AND DYING

So your showing your age around the old fella? A few greys popping up on both heads? Pubic and body hair bleaching has been around forever for the ladies, and is now on offer for the men. You can even have it “shaded” or “blended” (good lord!?!) and the newest thing is actually camouflaging your grey over time so no one will notice! Now I can’t speak for everyone, but do the absence of greys really affect the presence of passion? Most women I know wouldn’t notice if it had gone fluorescent purple!

DO’S AND DONT’S

So if you want to give it a crack (pardon the pun!) by all means knock yourself out. But if your man is thinking of travelling down the manscaped path, there are a few rules to follow.

DO:

• Use the right equipment – cheap razors will not do the job here and will leave you with a bad stubble and itchy aftergrowth. Opt to clip, then shave with a good quality razor. Any strays on the sausage? Use the tweezers.
• When shaving, always clean up first with soap and water, then lather up your man-fro with shaving cream. Moisturise generously.
• Keep it Clean – always make sure you are using clean equipment to minimise infections and impurities
• Carry on the trim – there is nothing worse than a full-on throw rug of hair on a mans chest, only to be downsized to a piss-arse 5 o’clock shadow once you get in his pants. If your going to trim the edges, you need to mow the lawn fellas.

DONT:

• Go the clean shave – If you are not participating in any erotic floorshows or stripper routines, keep some of your testosterone intact and leave a little bit behind
• Be too precise, you’re not auditioning for an X-rated film and your efforts will probably be noticed for all the wrong reasons.
• Wear tight briefs after shaving or waxing. Let your junk breathe boys!

Its reported that so revolutionised are the men of today that soon will be gone the days of just a shit, shave and shower every morning, and the occasional eyebrow and nose hair pluck. But as most of the men I know are already spoken for, I would imagine should they arrive home with a spontaneously pruned man-bush, questions would definitely be (violently) raised.

Manscaping may be on the increase amongst our typical Aussie blokes and if that’s what blows your hair back, each to their own. But I can tell you one thing for sure, there is definitely a shortage of volunteers in my house for any extended research on the issue!

Got any experience with manscaping?