Titty Whiskers, Beards and Grey Pubes

What you DON’T Hear About Getting Older

Getting older doesn’t sound attractive at the best of times. But there are certain things that happen to us women that aren’t spoken about in the glossy magazines and on Instagram….. But we here at Stay at Home Mum, we are real. We got together as a team to talk about things we were surprised about that happens when you are past the dirty thirties!

Thinning Hair on Top

It isn’t just men that lose their hair on top – I’ve had bald patches since the boys were born. I’ve tried parting my hair different (Eeeek does that mean I have a comb-over??), and spraying my scalp with that coloured hair spray which does work surprisingly well. I have invested in a hideously expensive set of hair extensions which are seriously a pain in the arse but are much better than my pube like hair anyway. Hang the expense!

Titty Whiskers

It’s funny how the hair on my head is thinning, yet I have hair growing in places I wouldn’t think possible. Like around my areola. And the hair isn’t just short, it grows long like the hair on my head, you could plait those bad boys.

I shave them off with a razor (because I’m way too embarrassed to even get them lasered off at the beauty salon) – but two grow for everyone I shave.

Nip O’Clock Shadows are not cool.

Grey Pubic Hair

Funny story. I had laser hair removal done about 12 months ago. It cost a bomb and it was so lovely to have a nice hair-free vag. But the thing I didn’t read about in the brochures? It doesn’t work on grey hair. So now, the ONLY hair that I have on my fanny is GREY. Yep, I have grey-only sparse pubes that I can’t laser. Fuck my life.

My Boob Job Needs a Boob Job

It isn’t much of a secret that I had a boob job and boob lift done years ago. My babies sucked the life out of them and quite frankly after breastfeeding they looked like withered windsocks. Getting them done was the best money I have ever spent. BUT – that was over 10 years ago now. And the yo-yoing in weight (which never helps) means that again, my poor boobs have sagged again. So my tit job needs to be re-done – or at least another lift. So even a fantastic boob job can sag!

Black Beard

Putting on my foundation, I feel these really spiky things on my chin. Yep, I’m growing a beard. A black beard at that (I’m quite light-haired naturally). I grab them with the tweezers, the but the litter fuckers just keep growing back.

Peach Fuzz

As well as growing a black beard, my whole face is covered in this fine fuzz. It makes makeup look absolutely shit and using hair removal cream on it stings like nothing else. I will not go in and ask for a face wax!

The Only Part of Your Body Getting Thinner is Your Eyebrows

I was careful, I listened to my Mother and I never ever over-plucked. But doesn’t matter. My eyebrows have bald spots that I need to colour in with a pencil every day so I look like I have a face.

You Can’t Eat Anything Good Anymore

All of a sudden, all the foods you love give you a belly ache or diarrhoea. List of foods I can no longer eat:

Bread (oh bread how thou I miss you)
Dairy (runny bum)
Sugar (cellulite)
Yeast (thrush)
Pork (farts)

Hangovers Last for Three Days

I need wine more than I have ever needed it in my life, but when my hangover extends to three whole days, that glass of merlot when the kids are driving me crazy just isn’t worth it anymore.

But, there are some good bits too!

There are many positive things about getting older too!

You Never Ever Feel Any Older

Even though I’m now in my mid-forties, I still feel the same as I did when I was 16. You never really feel any older mentally. I don’t think that will ever change. And it’s a really nice thought that even though the body might have a few more creaks, the mind is still as sharp as ever.

Body Positivity

Sure, you may be heavier and saggier, but you get to an age where you don’t care about all that. I now sunbathe naked, I don’t mind if the lights are on in the bedroom and I have even hung the washing out in the nude!

No Fucks Are Given

You know you are a grown-up when you really don’t care what other people think.

So don’t be scared about getting older, I’ve found it to be very liberating and I can honestly say I like myself a lot better now than when I was in my twenties!

Titty Whiskers, Beards and Grey Pubes… What You Don’t Hear About Getting Older