Summer is on its way and there is NO way you are spending another hot sweaty year looking like you are. So, what do you do?
Start moving — simple. You decide that getting back into exercise is going to make you hotter than the Simpson Desert during a heat wave in summer.
The day before Day 1.
You sit down and plan you’re a mad list maker. You’ve got lists on your daily food plan, you’ve got shopping lists to fill your food plan and you’ve got the most straightforward list of the exercise you’re going to do.
You’ve got this.
Fail to plan and you plan to fail right. No excuses.
You’re pumped!! You are doing this”¦although just a wee bit tired after spending too many hours on Pinterest pinning inspirational quotes and motivational tips. In your head, but you’re basically there already. It’s just a matter of time and those fashion mags will be knocking on your door begging you for a feature.
You then slip into those cute little workout clothes you bought especially for the ‘new you’. If you look the part, you’re halfway there. Shoes are on, laced and you’re quietly feeling like a pro athlete. Day 1 = you’re hitting the pavement, keeping it simple and going for a walk. Your tunes are pumping through your earphones- annnnnd you’re away.
Feeling good you’re strutting it out, really good pace. You’ve planned your route to include some hills just to get that heart rate up for the fun of it.
So now the sound of your breathing is drowning out your music.
That’s ok pump those tunes up some morejust like Katrina said You’re Walking on Sunshine baby!! Nothing can stop you!!
A little further into your walk, you start to feel it. Just a little tingle, nothing really but it’s there. Your fingers are just a little itchy. No problems, just a light little scratch”¦. nothing doing here people just doing some exercise. You know,that’s what I do now I just walk ALL THE TIME. Sleeping in is so yesterday. Now your legs are feeling it same as before, just a little tingle. You just give them the lightest most ladylike quick (though totally ineffective) scratch. They’ll be fine now.
Ooohhh new song! I LOVE this one! Fast beat time to step it up. It’s about now you notice that your arse cheeks are almost hitting you in the back of your head they are bouncing so much. Wow how does that even work? Why have I not noticed this before??! Oh and now your back rolls are keeping time jiggling up and down like that bowl of trifle you cleaned up in your ‘just getting all the bad food out of the house before I start my diet’ binge.
Oh for the love of all things good and drenched in sugar — that bloody ITCH!!
It’s now got ridiculously annoying. You can literally feel the blood circulating through every individual blood vessel in your body, every individual pump of blood is magnified so it feels like blood is going to burst through your pores at any moment. Your legs, your arms, everywhere!! The itching in your hands seems to have ebbed a bit now but when you look at them, you have a fist full of thick pork sausage resembling digits, maybe requiring surgery to remove your jewellery maybe not. Its touch and go really but you’re tough, you can handle this. Your scratching has now amped to the next level. Oh you’re so glad for your nails right now. Just a good quick scratch to fix it up and you’ll be fine. Bliss sure, it did sting just a little, but it’s all better now. You’re right to push on.
By now you’ve given up trying to look like you’re not even breathing hard.
You feel wrecked! It was such a good decision to buy that workout gear in black, because you are now sweating like a sprinkler. Not to mention, things would be getting mighty awkward if you chose that white top. That sensibly unattractive beige boulder holder that you didn’t upgrade with your new look would be up front and centre waving to the world. ‘Oh hi there everyone look at me! I’m not in anyway sexy or cute and I’m don’t care’. Not the look you’re going for here.
On the home stretch now the end is in sight.
Oh gees where has all the oxygen gone??? Was I sprinting all the way home? Surely I must have been because I’m really not that unfit!
You stumble through the front door and throw ok you peel your gear off and get into the shower. Ahhhh bliss. Now you can get that itch sorted now for good. You scratch and scratch ‘ahhmazing’. All better. Then you get out of the shower and see the result of your relief measures. So it seems that apparently scratching that hard to stimulated skin isn’t too wise. You are now rocking the red striped zebra look, but you know what?! You did it. You completed your exercise for Day 1.
And when you can get up off the floor again and your colour comes back to something in the normal-ish range, you can brag about your new lifestyle it on Facebook. Your friends ALL love reading about your exercise feats and your healthy new diet. No Really. They do I’m sure mine all do anyway. Right?? ……Anyone back me up here?! Anyway..
Has it worked out for you?