If you’re ever bored and at a loose end to entertain yourself, did you know that vast amounts of comedy gold could be lurking on the pages of your local Freecycle group or Facebook Buy, Swap, Sell pages?
Some of my friends and I have gotten hours of entertainment swapping our dodgy finds from these groups over the years and I’m heartened to say we are not alone.
In among all the things that people are genuinely looking to buy, swap and sell are some gross and bizarre items…sometimes gross and bizarre at once. Like the person selling “anal beads that have been cleaned with Jif”, or someone who ripped the human hair extensions out of her head and wanted more for them, unwashed and looking manky AF, than they would cost you to get put in brand new.
1. Mystery Meat
My all-time favourite came from a friend of mine who lives in Canberra, who spied this on her local Freecycle one time a few years back who wouldn’t want to eat mystery meat?
On offer today – a meaty mystery! I got Ethiopian takeaway on Thursday night, unfortunately 2 of the boxed curries look like they are meat ones which doesn’t work for our household diets (so I think they swapped our orders, I didn’t realise till I got home and can’t be bothered fixing it). I don’t know what kind of meat they are, but they’re unopened. I jiggled them to see what it was, it could be chicken, lamb, beef or goat (this is the range from the menu).
They are the smaller takeaway containers, worth about $10 each. Prefer if you could collect but will consider delivery in reasonable Woden area. Early responses preferred, as I’m a bit worried about the use-by.
The other stuff they make is very good so I’m sure that these would be okay. You’ll need to make some rice to go with it.”
2. Let’s swap a cheese wheel for a set of wheels
And an honourable mention must go to this one, where someone wanted to swap a wheel of cheese for a car:
LOOKING TO SWAP CHEESE FOR A CAR
I have recently come into possession of a whole wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.
It’s 35kg in weight, which if sold at Woolworth’s deli prices ($60/kg) works out to be $2100 worth of cheese.
I’m pretty sure the wholesale value is roughly half of that.
Now I don’t really need 35kg of Italian cheese. I’m posting here on the off chance that I might be able to arrange a trade for something I do need. A laptop or ideally a (manual) car.
It may be unlikely but I won’t know if I don’t try!
P.S. I got it legally.
3. Yes, sure that’s a yoghurt stain
Other times, people try to sell things that pretty much belong in the tip and nowhere else… but have a cheek to ask for money. Like this couch with a white “yoghurt stain”. Don’t pretend you’re not thinking it’s another kind of white stain. You’re all thinking it.
FOR SALE…REALLY CHEAP…$400.00ono
ANOTHER CHEAP THREE SEATER COUCH..THIS COUCH NEEDS A GOOD STEAM CLEAN AS IT WAS DIRTIED FROM OUR YOUNG KIDS. THE WHITE STAIN IS FROM YOGHURT..AGAIN NOTHING A COUCH COVER CAN’T FIX
4. Dildos! Dildos everywhere!
People selling used sex toys are definitely a fixture in every town’s Buy Swap and Sell pages… but I don’t know if anyone will ever top this one from the Kwinana/Rockingham group that was shared with us by a SAHM reader. So. Many. Used. Dildos. For. $20. The mind boggles that anyone needed that many in the first place, and that they were all going to be replaced by just one penis.
5. Supermarket of the damned
It’s clear you can get just about anything you ever dreamt of (you know if your dreams are frequently nightmares) on your local BSS page or Freecycle. Here are some of the things SAHM readers have told us they’ve seen listed on theirs:
- Pregnancy booklet they give out for free at your first antenatal app… Listed for $50
- Worn edible G-string
- Penis-shaped candles
- 5 cans of xxxx for $50
- Cigarette butts
- Someone offering their ‘services’
- Open tins of baby formula
- A coffin table – basically a coffin with legs
- Positive pregnancy tests
- Used ham bone
- Used underwear
- Kids teeth
- Opened packets of food past their expiry dates
- A placenta
- A small bag of hand-picked grass for $10. “Perfect if you have a rabbit or guinea pig”
- Syringes and needles
- A couch stained with cat pee
- A freezer bag containing a couple of cotton buds.
- Empty soft drink cans for $5 each
- A dead rat
- Someone asking random strangers to babysit their kids that night
- ‘Used cloth nappies. In fair, used condition. Some have stains and mound, doesn’t affect use. $15’
- Half-burnt candles for 50c