It’s probably TMI, but it has been a very long time since I encountered a condom.
Some of my girlfriends tell me that they’ve changed a lot since the last century when they were my problem.
Back in my day, the most far-out ones were brightly coloured and/or tasted like latex-flavoured fake strawberries. Not exactly passion inducing, although, I think they were meant to be.
These days, you can get even more wacky condoms than ever before. Remember the old saying “If it’s not on, it’s not on”? Well judging by some of these frangers, I’d have to say “If this one is on, it’s still not on.”
1. Bacon condoms
I know a lot of people love bacon, but surely this is a step too far! These condoms are bacon-flavoured and scented, and printed with a bacon design “so your meat can look like meat”. If that’s not enough bacon-related action for you, there’s also bacon lube and bacon-scented underwear. Talk about porking!
Printed with a metric ruler on the outside, the Condometric lets you see how big (or how little) the member is that you are about to take on board. Maybe for data collection purposes or something? I don’t get the point.
3. Spray on condoms
Developed by a German company, this liquid condom comes in an aerosol can that is sprayed on to the penis, with the liquid solidifying in latex form.
4. Garlic condoms
Made by a company called “The Stinking Rose”, these garlic frangers stop you from getting pregnant because you would not want to have sex at all with someone wearing one.
5. “My Face” condoms
A lubricated condom that is customisable to include your name, picture, a special message and anything else you choose.
6. Spongebob condoms in a can
Not only do you have to open a can to get the condoms out, they look like Spongebob Squarepants. More like Spoogebob.
7. Faux Ferrero Rocher condoms
Nothing says romance quite like getting a beautiful gift box of what you think are Ferrero Rocher choccies, only to find out it’s frangers in gold foil.