A Face Only a Mother Could Love

A Face Only a Mother Could Love

Guest Article by Bruce Devereaux

My children are beautiful – which is a real shit because apparently there’s good money to be had in producing ugly kids.

It’s one thing to look in the mirror and be dissatisfied with the face looking back at you, but can you imagine being so butt ugly as a kid your dad took your mum to court, sued her – AND WON!

Not just the case, but was awarded $120,000.

Jian Feng, whose sole purpose in life appears to be making me look like a serious contender for all manner of parenting awards, apparently had this to say, “Our daughter was so incredibly ugly – to the point where it horrified me.”

What really bugs me about this, even more than Mr Feng’s horrendous statement, is how much of the social media I’ve been reading is agreeing with Mr Feng’s actions – reporting on this court case seems to have fired up a lot of misogynistic rhetoric. Apparently he’s right and she’s wrong. Her $100,000 worth of plastic surgery has made her into a huge teller of lies and he was wrongfully deceived into thinking their prodigy would be attractive.

Which is why, on our very first date, I told my wife about my facial birth defect and how I regularly wax my mono-brow, because I didn’t want any misunderstandings when Geoffrey the Greek was born.

But seriously, I couldn’t give a continental why Jian’s decided to divorce his wife (and his wife not telling him about her plastic surgery might be fair grounds in many people’s eyes) but what sort of a pig’s ass for a father announces to all and sundry he’s divorcing because their kid has come out ugly. I mean, they’re all ugly at first, with their folds of skin and over-sized heads, but give them time and they grow on you.

I know there’s no doubt a lot more to this story than the media has given us. I know his comments have probably been taken out of context or souped up or even made up. I certainly want to doubt he ever intended his comments to be heard outside the courtroom.

But the man is still an ass. An ugly, ugly ass. Fortunately, though, when his winnings hit his account he might have the money to undergo some intensive therapy on his personality and turn himself a much more attractive man.

Which apparently is fine so long as he tells his next wife how, despite the kind and engaging personality which she’s come to love, he used to be a real ugly ass.

My brother Shanus when he was about 4, I think my dad has a case…..

Bruce started his blog because friends and family kept wanting to know how he managed to feed and clothe such a large family while still having fun and being able to afford holidays and beer. He had no idea, but thought if he started writing things down some sort of pattern might emerge. When not at work Bruce enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies. He’s recently taken up the cycling challenge with a view to surviving long enough to see all his kids out the door so he can finally sleep in.


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