Guest Blog by Bruce Devereaux
Dear wife: it’s a bit of a dead giveaway you haven’t been doing much exercise lately when you can’t remember how to turn on your treadmill.
It’s odd how fine the line can be between avoiding something at all costs and actually wanting to do it. Mary Poppins was right – “In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and – snap – the job’s a game.”
I discovered this recently when I bought myself a set of wireless headphones. Essentially these were so I could hear the Youtube videos and movies I was watching while I cooked in the kitchen over the wall of noise that is my children. My kids are loud. Mostly my brain can shut them out but my ears have difficulty filtering the commentary of a program through the general din while someone’s saying, “Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad! Dad! DAD!”
On advice from a friend I sought out and paid a little more for headphones with a greater range. It was an awesome decision, although it meant I lost a weekend while I created a file with my top favourite 700 songs. Actually, 758, but who’s counting.
I’m the kind of mad keen gardener who every summer attempts to grow grass trees in the yard. I would do a happy dance if I woke up to rain cause as every mad keen gardener of ill repute knows, you can’t cut grass when it’s wet. Or too sunny. Or too windy. Or too nice a day to waste cutting grass. Or I’m too tired. You get the idea.
Tracey pretty much had to cry at me before I’ll touch the mower. And, tears or not, if I was mowing there had better have been a sixpack in the fridge and an episode of Top Gear on the telly when I’d finished.
Not any more.
Now I jump out of bed every Saturday morning, start the computer up and head out the door with my headphones on pulled over my ears.
You know how I bought the headphones so I couldn’t hear the kids? Well the buggers are even less audible when the mowers going as well 😀
Best. Buy. Ever.
But while mowing and playing the headphones really loud is fantastic at drowning out the kids’ moaning or even bellowing, the mower isn’t so great at drowning out my voice as I push it around our yard.
In fact, Tracey says I’m quite audible over the mower, especially when I’m attempting to sing a Meatloaf number. This possibly explains the smiles and waves I’ve been getting from strange people walking past our house on Saturday mornings. It further might explain why the neighbours moved out last weekend.
Having used these headphones for a couple of months now, Tracey finally cottoned on to how great it must be to hear something other than demands and complaints and so she went looking for an excuse to borrow them.
Which brings us back to the treadmill.
This was the treadmill we had to have, by the way. It’s a thing of great beauty and is worth more than three of the cars I’ve owned, including the Red Rocket parked under the house right this minute.
When Tracey decided we needed the treadmill I complained we’d never use it and boy was I proven wrong. For the first month anyway.
The one thing we haven’t done is convert it to a clothesline, although the temptation has been there.
So now Tracey has discovered the cordless headphones, and how to turn the treadmill on, I’m sure there will be a lot more exercise on the horizon.
Exercise and little turds yelling, “Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum! Mum! MUM!”
Which reminds me….
Dear wife: it’s a bit of a coincidence every time you grab the headphones and jump on the treadmill it suddenly seems our littlest baby has done a number two. You’re not fooling anyone, you know.
Bruce started his blog because friends and family kept wanting to know how he managed to feed and clothe such a large family while still having fun and being able to afford holidays and beer. He had no idea, but thought if he started writing things down some sort of pattern might emerge. When not at work Bruce enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies. He’s recently taken up the cycling challenge with a view to surviving long enough to see all his kids out the door so he can finally sleep in.