Dear Stay at Home Mum,
Nothing we do is Good Enough for the In Laws, I have been with my partner for 15 years now and our daughter is 2 years old. For about 5 years or so, my mother in law (sometimes father in law), have favoured my other half’s brother. From when we were getting married, they hardly assisted us at all. The mother in law complained when we asked for assistance. When my brother in law got married, they got everything, even a few days holiday. Mother in law justified this by saying they were doing her a favour as well. Their child who was born before my child gets everything, more toys, more outings, attention, even paid child care. The favouritism even shows when both children are together.
It seems that they can do anything to us and when we speak up or retaliate, my mil always shows them moral support. Trying to find any excuse to defend them even when the explanation sounds ridiculous. We get “be nice, their circumstances are more hectic”. Even when they put themselves there.
At one time, they knew we were struggling financially to the point where we were sleeping on a mattress that had metal coming through and couldn’t afford a new one. The next few days, my sister in law and brother in law get an electrical appliance from my in-laws that was a luxury. Even when we asked to borrow the money for a mattress.
We were helping my brother in law out from a situation which made us financially worse and emotionally distraught and we had consistent pressure from mother in law to keep helping even though the pain we were going through. We felt used and abused. My partner had a car accident one day which he was at fault and all mother in law could do was see how it affected his brother. We were asked to stay and help from brother in law and once the situation had been fixed for him, we were tossed aside. No thanks was given.
2 years down the track, my mother in law has no time for me what so ever and always talks about my brother in law , sister in law and niece and how they are achieving but does not acknowledge the good we do like a job promotion or having my child, etc. She actively listens to everyone but me and my partner.
Every time we confront or try to discuss the pain and anguish her actions caused us as well as bil and sil actions, we get “its because of your niece, or they are improving”. It is brushed under the carpet like our feelings didn’t matter.
They could not care for their child at one stage, cant pay their bills and in-laws support them, they shed out hundreds per week at times. We asked to borrow $30.00 for medication until pay day which my father in law thinks we received the money to this day. MOTHER IN LAW did not lend us the money.
I cant go into too much details as I don’t want to be recognised but it was way worse than posted, my anxiety has worsened so much over this and I feel like an outsider.
I don’t want their money or anything like that, It would be nice to be treated equally and as a part of the family. It would be nice for some people in the family to acknowledge what has happened in the past so we can move on for closure, not just swept under the carpet. I have always treated them with respect, even when my bil couldn’t accept me as a family member. He gave me a hard time, I felt embarrassed each time I went there. His wife can say what she likes about us and if we ask her to back off, we are the worst in the world. (His wife has been in the family for 6 years now).
We were not a fan of sister in law because her actions impacted on our lives. We didn’t go out of our way to make her uncomfortable though. Each time I was pressured to accept her actions like it was nothing, it made it harder for us to forgive her. She still talks about me in a nasty way and that has been accepted from the family.
We are hard working family and I am so sad how things have turned out. I am at the point that I no longer have time for them as being respectful and considerate has never worked. I have been verbalising my feelings for about 6 months now as being nice gets me no where. I know this is probably not the best method. I feel like my head is hitting a brick wall. I know I am not an angel but I have acknowledged my wrong doings.
I don’t want my daughter to miss out on seeing her relatives, however, I do not want my child to be subject to favouritism. I love my niece and treat her like one of mine, however, her aunty and uncle don’t seem to treat my daughter like this.
Do I cut ties, do I tell my child the truth when she is older and asks questions or do I leave things?
Sometimes I wish I was Jerry Springer and I would have you guys on so you could HIGH 5 your in laws”¦in the face”¦.with a chair”¦.I have 2 words for you”¦OXYGEN THIEVES!!!!
Oxygen thieves are the kind of people that are so self-absorbed in their own awesomeness (they are the only ones that see it trust me) they fail to notice anyone or anything else except what they consider to be important, which funnily enough is usually themselves (Surprised much?)
Sadly your family is the red-headed step child in this scenario and I personally would be walking away and making yourselves happy”¦..obviously your hubby is feeling the same way you are so screw em”¦.make them earn the right to have you in their lives again!!!!
So you can either bend over, lube up and take their crapski or learn to use the word we spend most of our lives teaching our kids not say”¦..NO. When they ask for something”¦..NO, when they want you to put yourselves out”¦.NO”¦…if they whinge about your No’s”¦.then try “wait”¦let me think about it for a nano second”¦..STILL HELL NO!!!!!
And remember Kids aren’t stupid, they see more than we give them credit for (which constantly does not work in my favour) “¦ your child may ask questions or just may be grateful they don’t have to put up with the evil hag and her sidekicks anymore. When you are both ready (and she’s older) then talk about it and be honest”¦as kids always know 2 things:
- When you are hungover
- When you are not being honest with them
Don’t be surprised when they drive the express guilt train straight to your station but ignore it, be happy and be their bitch no more, and remind yourself that one day the BIL and SIS are going to have no choice but to stand on their own 2 feet and (can I have a “HOLLA”) it’s going to be a show and half when it happens.
I’m a Mum of 2 (plus one extra if you count my other half) who works full time, is studying in what spare time I have who is always down for a bit of brutal honesty to help those that can’t see the wood from the trees and need a bit of a kick in the pants to see what’s what”¦”¦Be warned, I don’t’ beat around the bush but will happily share my unique advice skills, so strap yourself in and open yourself up to so Nikki lingo and let’s see where the journey takes us.
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