Personally, being ‘knocked up’ totally sucked.
I constantly ‘talked to God on the porcelain telephone’, looked like the side of a house and my face was three times it’s usual size (as was my ass). BUT, on having a really good think about it, there were some really enjoyable things too. Here they are!
1. People Will Offer You Their Seats
Yep – you can ALWAYS sit down when you’re preggers. Public transport is the bomb! The BIGGER you get, the MORE seat room is offered. Heaven.
2. You Can Cry in Public and Get Away with it.
I’m a crier at the best of times. I cried when Will married Kate, I cried when McDreamy kissed whatsherface. I cried when I fed the dog at 5pm….. when you’re pregnant, people just give you the look… the ‘ohhh it’s just the hormones’ look. I don’t care. I could cry and not look like a tosser. Pass me a Kleenex.
3. You Don’t Have to Carry Heavy Stuff
This is my favourite one. Got an 18kg dog food bag to pick up? Don’t worry honey buns, pregnant lady has it sorted. Like ANYONE will make a pregnant lady carry something to her car – it looks bad. It also gives hubby’s back a good rest. Shopping is terrific too. I load that shopping trolley up so high it looks like Mount Everest…. and then feel sorry for the young man that offers to help as he struggles to get it down the travellator to the car park at the far end… hehehe…
4. I Can Eat ALL DAY and Nobody Says a Word
Pregnant ladies are HUNGRY – all the time!!!! I can walk and eat, talk and eat, and if I could sleep and eat, I probably would. Before being pregnant, if I stuffed my face in public I’d get the ‘tut tut’s from the little old ladies…. now I just get a knowing smile, and sometimes a chocolate bar!
5. You Don’t Have to Suck it In
I love maternity pants – they are so damn stretchy and comfortable. But now I can eat a huge meal and let it all hang out – who’s going to notice! Okay so I might look further along than I actually am, but that will pass. I’m enjoying it!
6. You Can Forget Stuff and Get Away With It
You can blame forgetfulness on the pregnancy. There have been many studies that have discounted pregnancy brain or baby brain, but I think those people are just confused and need a tall cool glass of shut-the-hell-up. People find this annoying trait quite endearing when you’re pregnant so skip a few meetings and birthdays while you’re gestating to take advantage of this loop hole.
7. People are Nicer to Pregnant Ladies
People are friendlier to women up the spout. Perhaps being pregnant signifies to some people that you were deemed nurturing and nice enough to be impregnated because strangers will find you more approachable and will therefore be friendlier to you. This also lays a nice foundation for crying, forgetfulness and batshit crazy rage because people assume that at you are good at your core so they’ll let a lot of stuff go.
People will smile at your swollen belly and even at your beautiful quiet newborn. But strangers hate kids so take advantage of it whilst you can. Sorry, it’s a fact so you should take advantage of all the people that smile at you in the aisles of Big W while you’re shopping for mammoth Grandma knickers, because they’ll be the same people who give you the hairy eyeball when your three-year old launches into a Linda Blair froth when you won’t buy him a packet of Smarties.
That is all!