My three year old was so easy to toilet train – I hardly had to even show him… So I haven’t really been keeping a close eye on his daily ablutions.
Until I started finding nuggets of joy in the bottom on the loo – no toilet paper, no flushing, gross. At least that’s what twice-daily baths are for and I’d been diligently cleaning him – but the matter really needed to be dealt with.
‘Honey….. Mummy is SO PROUD that you do poos on the toilet! But you know, if you don’t wipe your arse with toilet paper, your butt’s gonna get all kinds of nasty – so how about doing Momma a great big favour and using toilet paper huh? Good boy.’
He nodded and went off to play – and I thought to myself – right – all dealt with. Where’s my coffee and my ‘Mother of the Year’ badge. God I’m good.
Fast forward four hours.
I was taking a shower when I noticed my feet were having a bath – the water wasn’t getting away. Weird. I didn’t think much of it – after all it’s not my ‘Department’ so to speak. But then hubby called ‘Oyyy Freda, did you notice the toilets are acting funny?’.
Well no actually – I don’t tend to take too much notice of the toilet when I’m finished. Men and boys seem to insist on watching the contents of the loo flushed away with delight. It’s something I don’t think I understand.
‘I think we have a blockage’, hubby yelled. ‘Don’t use the toilet!’. He started getting out drills and torches, etc. He’s very handy like that. Ummm honey I think I know what it might be!
I go to my 3 year old. ‘Lovely boy, have you done a poo today’. ‘Yes’, he nods enthusiastically. ‘And did you use toilet paper like Mama asked you’.
‘Yep Mummy, I wiped my bum and filled the toilet all the way to the TOP!’, he was so proud. Oh dear…. So I toddle off to tell hubby it’s just loo paper and a few small toddler nuggets causing the blockage.
Murphy’s Law says that if there is a toilet blockage, someone needs to use it. I had bacon for breakfast knowing full well I’d be messing up the bowl later on that evening. Sure beats a laxative. And then — lower abdominal pain hits me.
‘Darling, I need to use the toilet’
‘You can’t – go do it in the backyard.’ (He was kidding. by the way.)
“Are you serious – no way (there was an expletive there….)!!” Perhaps he wasn’t kidding.
“Or use a bucket.’
I sneaked into the loo, closed the door, grabbed a book, and ‘tool the kids to the pool’ as quietly as I could. And then without even thinking, I hit flush.
Well — the water level in the toilet went up and up and up – and OVER and was spraying on the floor. There was all kinds of nasty on my beautiful floors.
The plumbers came the next morning to fix the aftermath of the sewerage siege, unblock the toilet and gurney away the offending mess. My house smells of disinfectant (sorry bugger the bicarb and vinegar this time…..). I’ve finally had a shower, washed my hair — but there is still this lingering odour…
Guest Blog by Freda McFishntackle, Freda (or Federica for short) is a mother of two from Queensland with a wry sense of humour and a mortgage you could trip over. Admittedly terrible with money, it’s her goal to get back on track in 2011/12/13/14.
To read more of Fred’s hilarious posts – Click Here!