First things first…
All lovely mothers have to put up with all the annoying things your toddler does to you. Like interrupt your phone conversations, never letting you go to the toilet by yourself, or refusing to let you sleep past 7 am…and the list goes on!
So, we have come up with 10 ways to annoy your toddler back, just for personal satisfaction.
1. Hold someone else’s baby.
Gets them every time. Suddenly jealousy overrides any other desire currently being presented in tantrum form.
2. Put salad on their dinner plate.
There’s nothing like lettuce to freak them out. This “suggestion” also has the added benefit of possible good results using reverse psychology.
3. Tell the barista no marshmallows for their baby chino.
It’s the only reason they love baby chinos. It’s like going for the jugular in a fight, really.
4. No baths.
By only allowing showers for bathing, there’s no need for bath toys, fun, or lazying about in the bath. This also works to make bath time lightning fast. Just the threat of a shower instead of a bath in my house breeds conformity to the rules.
5. Don’t buy toddler snacks.
Don’t buy squeeze yoghurts or fancy toddler snacks. Go old school with a tub and spoon, or glad wrap some corn chips. They’ll hate you.
6. Slave labour.
Make them help clean up their toys, brush their own teeth or fetch things for you. They love this sort of family team building time.
7. Clothing = Compulsory
Make them wear clothes. All. Day. Including shoes and socks. Bahahahahaha!
8. Boo-Boo repairs
Don’t kiss exactly where it hurts. Kiss something else instead. A few times.
9. Serve their “favourite foods.”
Serve up steak and vegetables. Purposely. Or cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles.
10. Get rid of ABC2.
Change the channel on the TV to a day time talk show. Or old school midday movie.
As Jerry Seinfeld once said: “There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.” It is all in good fun and sometimes just thinking about your revenge makes you feel a tiny bit better.