Yes. You love your child. And yes you love Facebook. We get it.
Does it sometimes feel like Facebook has turned into a baby photo contest? If it’s not videos of your friend’s child taking a nap, then it’s a close up picture of your cousin’s uterus. Sure, we all love a good Facebook shout out to your kids, but some statuses are just too much. This is why we decided to screenshot some of our favourite status updates. And by favourites, we mean shake-your-head-painfully-annoying-consider-unfriending-because-they-make-you-want-to-cringe-status-updates. So here are some of the most annoying parenting Facebook statuses. Come on, we know you are guilty of at least one or two of these – right?
* Note * all of these Facebook status updates are based on real statuses and the author is guilty of all of them, often all in the same day.
1. The Trails and Tribulations (with accompanying photos) of poo, pee or vomit.
Yes, your baby peed on the floor. Yes, your baby threw up breast milk all over your shirt. Yes, your baby managed to successfully empty his bowels in a toilet. Status update not required.
2. The Baby Selfie
Here I am, looking extra cute because I have half of my baby’s head in this picture too. And it’s not vain because it’s a picture of my baby. And, just in case you didn’t catch the first shot, I will take twenty five more with minor changes to my facial expression to really capture the moment and prove just how similar we look. Now everyone, on the count of three, comment, “Awwwwww”.
3. The “Look at My Body After Baby” Selfie
Kudos to you for having a rocking body after bub. And so you should want to share your accomplishment. But Facebook is probably not the best place to do this. Take a photo, SMS it to your partner and walk away from the computer. No Instagram. No Facebook. No Twitter.
4. The “Thanks for My Outfit” Photo
When you have a new baby you are bound to get heaps and heaps and heaps of gifts, including adorable outfits, shoes, bibs, etc. Rather than do the normal thing and send a thank you letter to those that have sent gifts, the new trend is to simply post a photo on Facebook of said new outfit and tag the gift giver. Yah. That’s the same thing.
5. The Vague References to Having a Super Shit Day (and possibly ending it all if the comments are not positive enough).
So you’ve had a shit day. And now it’s time to tell Facebook all about it. But no, you don’t want to do that! So you leave a cryptic message suggesting that something awful has happened but you don’t want to reveal too much. It’s up to your friends to guess what has happened. And perhaps you will post another status update a few hours later saying something like “Thank you for the kind words. It’s great to know I have friends when times are tough.” Just a hunch.
6. Bitter Rants that may or may not be about you
God I love these ones. Whenever they show up on my newsfeed I just want to defriend. Someone is pissed but who is she pissed at? Is it you? Is it your friend? Is it her hubby? It’s kind of like being back on the playground at school. But we’re not at school. And we’re not eleven.
7. The Super Sappy Shout Out to the Other Half
Don’t you love it when you see status updates about how in love someone is? If the relationship is solid on Facebook, then it must be solid in real life. We love that you love your spouse, but seriously, no one else needs to know about it. Love letter status updates: fail.
8. The Mummy Memes
Some Mummy memes are hilarious, especially ones that involve wine or a hatred of housework. But other mummy memes, ugh. The over-the-top sappy-I-love-my-kids-so-much-I-need-to-share-every-crappy-meme-ever-made-about-being-a-parent make me want to hurl all over my computer. Vom.
9. The Recalls
Two years ago… you got married, you found out you were pregnant, you went into labour, you had a baby, you ate a carrot for lunch…. I love a good anniversary or birthday announcement but does it have to involve a 200 word back story? And does it have to start with “blank years ago…” It’s like the Once Upon a Time’s in Facebook land.
10. The ‘anything to do with food” posts
These posts feature tidbits into how much they ate, how much they didn’t eat, what they looked like when they ate. Sometimes it’s just a picture of their dinner. Sometimes it’s a picture of their dinner smeared all over their faces. Either way, just don’t. Just stop.
Bonus points for images where food resembles vomit or poo.
And, one more for good luck! The “look at my child gurgle, spit up or make a sound” video
Some videos are awesome and totally worth that extra click to turn the sound on. These usually feature hilarious animals, babies that laugh really funny or someone getting hurt. Others, well, others not so much. If your child is doing something that any child does, on a regular every day basis, then take a video and send it to Nanna and Papa. Do Not Post It On Facebook or even Youtube. Please. Some examples? “My Baby Sitting Up.” “My Baby Eating a Banana.” “My Baby Making Spit Bubbles.”
We’re missing some I know it! So tell us in the comments below, what are some of the most annoying Facebook status updates you have seen?