Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a childhood behavioural problem characterised by constant disobedience and hostility. It is more common in boys than girls, and it’s thought that up to 1 in 10 children have this disruptive behaviour disorder, which can often be confused with ADHD. Kids with ODD can appear to be extremely stubborn and angry, have extreme temper tantrums, purposely annoy other, blame others for their own mistakes, are distracted easily and seek revenge instead of mediation when they don’t get their own way.

Causes of ODD are unknown, but it is believed that quality of family life is a significant factor in it’s development. Children exposed to poverty, abuse, neglect, marital conflict, substance abuse and domestic violence have been found to be more susceptible to ODD development.

Diagnosis of ODD is carried out by a child psychologist, psychiatrist or paediatrician that specialises in behavioural disorders and treatment includes functional family therapy, parental education and training and consistency of care.

Here is Lydia’s Story:

My sons was born angry.  He literally had a temper tantrum ten minutes after he was born.  It was then – a whole 10 minutes of being a mother that I realised something was wrong with him….. I knew it – but couldn’t say anything.   My son refused to breastfeed and we struggled to bond. I loved him – loved him fiercely – but he seemed to ‘hate’ me right from the start.  All he wanted was his father.  When his dad returned to work four weeks after he was born,  he screamed for 10 hours a day or until dad got home.  He didn’t sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time and it took me three hours of rocking to get him to sleep. I took him to the Doctor and they diagnosed colic, reflux and silent reflux.  Nothing fixed him.  He was a very angry little boy.  My husband was in despair – he had to go to work – I’m lucky he was so hands on and didn’t mind holding him until the wee hours of the morning just for a bit of peace and quiet.

Going out was a nightmare.  I was told countless times I needed to ‘discipline’ my son or give him a good smack.  I felt like saying to them – ‘I’ve tried all that – here you try something’…..  In the end I just stayed home and became somewhat of a hermit.  I lost contact with friends and my family refused to babysit.  I ended up placing him in daycare a few hours a week just for a break.  They say ODD is more predominant in a broken or disruptive family home – but my son could not of been born into a more happy and stable environment. The only disruption was his constant outrage.

As he got older the crying ceased a little bit but the temper tantrums and sheer rage got a lot worse.  I woke up every day not wanting to get out of bed because I didn’t want to deal with him.  He wouldn’t let me hug or kiss him.  He hit me and screamed in my face.  He was two years old before we even started to bond and that was only because I had to force myself to give him a kiss when he was asleep.  All my dreams of motherhood were shattered.  This wasn’t how it was meant to be.  I joked to my husband that he was going to grow up to be a serial killer or end up in jail.  Little did my husband know that I was deadly serious. I blamed myself.  I was obviously a horrible mother that even her own son didn’t like.

When I had my daughter a few years later, it was a whole different story.  We bonded the minute she was born and I never felt such love.  But then the guilt that I didn’t have that with my son grew.  But that’s when I knew that just perhaps, this wasn’t my fault.  That maybe that inside voice that said there was something wrong – might just be right.

When my son started kindy and had huge problems with anger issues to the point the school asked me to remove him, I knew I needed to seek more professional help and made an appointment with a paediatrician.  My friends and family threw around the words ‘autistic’ and ‘schizophrenic’ which terrified me.

My paed first diagnosed him with ADHD and we started on Ritalin.  I was at my wits end and his behaviour was affecting the whole family.  It did nothing.  After three months we tried a different drug and it made the outbursts and anger a tad more manageable but the anger was still there.  In the end there is no real drugs or cure for ODD, apparently he just has to ‘grow out of it’.   Only time will help him to understand how to deal with his emotions, and it breaks my heart to see him so angry all the time.

I’m not so hard on myself these days.  I know I’m not a bad mother.  I try my best.  Some days I cope, some days I don’t.  All I want in the world is for my son to be happy.  But I’m not sure I will ever get that wish. ODD is a truly heart breaking condition to watch.  It is sheer rage in it’s purest form.  I wonder why this beautiful little boy is so angry all the time when he has so much to be happy about.  He is frighteningly clever and calculating.  I don’t like leaving him alone around my daughter even though they do get along wonderfully and she seems to have calmed him down. He has never hurt her like he does me – and that makes me think that he does have some sort of conscience.

I am scared for the future.  But will battle on with doctors and tests until maybe one day they can explain this terrible affliction.

Stay at Home Mum thanks Lydia C very much for sharing her story of ODD