‘I can’t stand to be around my nine-year-old daughter – I avoid her at all costs.’
A mum has opened up about the strained relationship with her young daughter and how she hopes that she’ll change ASAP as she really does NOT like her at all!
One mum’s confession
The woman admitted that she doesn’t like her nine-year-old daughter “95 percent of the time” and she “can’t stand to be around her”.
She shared that she still loves her, she just really does NOT like her personality at all.
“Now, don’t be confused with my dislike with not loving her because that is not the case; I do love her. She is my child and she could do anything, and I would still love her, I just don’t like her and there is a difference.
It is her personality, who she is and how she behaves that I don’t like. She is sullen, selfish, bratty and creates drama constantly. She does it at school, at home, in her netball club and refuses to admit her faults, or work on them, or listen to why she has annoyed someone or upset them.”
The mum admitted to Kidspot that she has tried to improve their relationship but had no luck so now leaves her husband to care for their daughter.
“It has come to the point where I now ask my husband to lead the parenting charge with Lilly. I ask him to take her to her sports training, to any events or parties she is going to, to help her with her homework, to discipline her and to supervise her on the weekends.
Ultimately, I just can’t stand to be around her and for the sake of both her and I, it is best if I am not as much as possible.”
“I want to like her just like I like her siblings”
“I have tried to work on my relationship with Lilly a few times in attempt to solve the problems. Before I resorted to stay away from her, I tried the opposite, and spent quality time with her – endeavouring to get to know her even better with the hope that this would allow me to see a redeeming quality, or even an issue that was causing some of the behaviour that could be resolved. Unfortunately, this never worked and instead I ended up more frustrated than ever,” the mum shared.
Parents share the reasons they really don’t like their own kids
It seems she is not alone by any means. In a thread on Reddit parents have revealed the reasons they have grown to dislike their own children and some of it is pretty harsh.
Many parents admitted that they found it very challenging at times due to their poor attitude.
Some parents admitted that they had never planned to have children and struggled to develop an attachment to their own.
For others, it was constant bad behaviour and poor habits that caused them to begrudge their child.
One user shared, “I hope no parent hates there own child. However my daughter is 7 and I absolutely hate who she seems to be becoming. Very selfish and self absorbed. She won’t think of someone else unless there is a benefit to her. These behaviours are completely opposite of anyone in the family. So sometimes I want to drop kick her but I love her.”
Another said, “My middle child now in his twenties, has always been challenging, he is still rude and selfish to others within the family especially me and his younger sister, I worry that he will not have good relationships with his siblings because they will eventually tire of making such an effort with him when he really doesn’t deserve it. I do love him and worry about him, but most of the time I don’t like him very much.”
Another wrote, “Since I was a child my mother has admitted to me she hates my older sister. I’ve heard her tell my sister she wished abortion was legal then. In my mums defence, my sister is a terrible person. She’s never killed any one or anything but there is something very weird and very wrong with her.”
In a similar post on Whisper one mother claimed she could easily run away and not feel any remorse, while another said she’s been unhappy ever since she gave birth and wishes she could turn back the clock.
One of our very own SAHM members shared this same exact problem recently and received some really great advice.
She wrote, “I really dislike my children. 12, 10 and 5.
They don’t listen, always yelling and carrying on fighting with each other I have tried so many things to make our lives easier, better and enjoyable but nothing works.
They have such bad attitudes and talk back to me a lot. For example my 12 year old daughter was just in the bathroom trying to do her hair, instead of coming out to me asking for help she just starts yelling and screaming when I ask her what is wrong she tells me I don’t care about her and that I’m useless (I didn’t Fucken know what was going on) I tell her off and to go to her room.
She constantly comes out and I tell her to go back each time she is more insulting. My son is on his ipad and the internet is slow (been an issue on and off for a week) and he starts carrying on about it to me like I control the internet.
He starts hitting his ipad on the lounge etc so I tell him to put it away. Another mouthfull of abuse from him.
I’m at my wits ends. My 5 year old is starting to copy the older two kids behavior but is easier to handle.
I know it sounds horrible but I truely dislike the people my kids have become.”
One mum replied,
“You have all my empathy. I too have 12 year olds that think they know best, are rude, disrespectful and just plain horrible to me. So some days I find it hard to like even love them. As I say to myself if they were a man treating me like that – he would be gone!! Due to this we are seeing a family service worker who gives us ideas and strategies to improve the relationships. He states no one likes to be told. It starts at age 2 and doesn’t stop. So instead of dictating to teen, ask them once only- it would be appreciative if you could….. I really could do with help could you please. Kids don’t like being told twice or as they see it nagged. If don’t do it then you can say I did ask you once to help now could you please…….”
Another mum shared her sympathy saying she was living in a parallel world.
“I could have written this myself, I feel your pain.
I have two teenage girls (15 and 13) a big who is 9 and another girl 6 and I find some days and weeks I’m not winning the whole parenting thing and feel this way about my kids at times too.
My 15-year-old is able to be spoken to a bit easier and can understand more now she’s getting older, my 9 yo boy just gets his PlayStation or iPad taken off him and it’s stops his crap. My 6-year-old is harder to handle but a quick smack and she is back into line.
BUT my 13 yo daughter OMG!!!!! She does my head in. Constant foul-mouthed, rude, disrespectful, angry and just wants to pick a fight I’m sure.
I have tried so much but nothing works. Even to the point of moving her to her fathers but that’s a whole other story there and she’s threatening to run away if I make her do that but I can’t stand having her in my house.
She thinks she is entitled and expects everything her way and god forbid if she doesn’t get her way. It’s the end of the world. I’m at my wits end with her as well so no real advice but to just let you know there’s other people going through the same stuff too.”
Read more of the great advice this mum received HERE on Ask SAHM .
Why Parents Often Fail to Love Their Kids
According to Psychology Today there are eight reasons why it’s often difficult for parents to love their own children.
Simply put, quite often they weren’t able to really see their child as a separate person and meet his or her needs.
No matter how well-intentioned, many people are unfortunately not prepared for the task of raising children.
1. Many parents have a negative self-image which they unwittingly extend to their children.
2. Parents who are undeveloped or immature experience their children as an unwanted, intimidating dependency load.
3. Many people find it difficult or intolerable to accept love””in particular, the simple direct loving expressions of children.
4. Parents have unresolved trauma in their own lives.
5. Having children reminds parents that time is passing and tends to increase their death anxiety.
6. Parents tend to use their children as immortality projects, which has a destructive effect on their offspring.
7. Parents’ unfulfilled primitive hunger for love and care from their childhood causes them to focus these strong desires on their children.
8. Due to inadequate or problematic parenting styles, many children develop traits that are unlikeable or intolerable.
Horrifying stats reveal that at least one child in Australia is killed by a parent each fortnight, according to a report into filicide released by the Australian Institute of Criminology.
Filicide is a general term referring to the killing of a child by a parent or parent equivalent “” which in Australia includes the custodial parent, non-custodial parents and step-parents.
Filicide accounts for about 10 per cent of all homicides (murders) in Australia.
The report shows that between 2000-01 and 2011-12 there were 238 recorded incidents of filicide in Australia, with 260 offenders involved in these incidents. Males constituted 52 percent (124) of offenders and females 48 percent (114).
Triggers can often be caused by mental illness (including PND), Alcohol, drug use, previous offending, a history of domestic violence and suicidal tendencies all increase the risk of filicide.
If you need support please contact Lifeline 13 11 14