Men’s Guide to Labour

There isn’t a lot of male readership on this blog, but guys, this is for you!

Ladies, send this article to your husband just so he keeps proper labour ward etiquette the whole time. Sometimes, men are even more nervous than their wives, and first-time fathers have NO idea how to behave. This list should help them out. I’ll be talking to you guys here.

10. Don’t Panic

Child birth is an extremely stressful situation, but remember, the focus should be on your wife, not you. There’s going to be enough happening in the room without you freaking out in the corner. Even worse, if your wife sees you getting panicked, she’ll probably do the same thing. Stay calm, take deep breaths, and if you need to, step outside for a few minutes to calm down. There’s nothing wrong with that.

9. Don’t Act ‘Disgusted’

I’ll be the first person to tell you that childbirth is a messy, sticky, gushy thing, and there are going to be a lot of body fluids and worse, you wish you could forget about. Your partner is in a vulnerable state, and looking like you are disgusted with the whole thing is a huge mistake. Also, vomiting. Step outside if you need to — don’t do it in the delivery room.

8. Don’t Act ‘Bored’

I’m not certain, but this might be even worse than acting disgusted. Labour can take hours, even days sometimes. Don’t sit around and mope, or look at your watch every two minutes, and definitely don’t say things like, “This is SO boring.” You’re not even the one in pain, so keep it to yourself. If you get too bored, go walk around for awhile.

7. Don’t Talk About Work

It doesn’t matter if your company is having a merger with God that day no business is more important than the birth of your child. If you don’t feel that way, at least act like it for your partner’s sake. Turn your Blackberry off and refrain from doing anything business-related in the delivery room. You’re only going to be in this situation a precious few times in your life, so make the most out of it.

6. Don’t Flirt with the Midwives

I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’ve seen it happen before, so here you go. It’s annoying and disrespectful to your partner, and the midwives don’t have time to deal with your jokes either. Yes, they have heard the one about the extra stitch, hundreds of times.

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