Have children, they said…it will be fun, they said — they lied…
That kind of roller coaster feeling that I’m sure all parents can attest. That hating parenting and the thought of hating your kids for being so clingy and bossy. That when you are in the middle of your busy work and household chores, they are there to piss you off with their demands and other all sorts of parenting mayhems.
These kinds of feelings are somehow normal to parents like me. It arises when I least expect it.
There are so many factors why parents feel this way and for sure, no one can predict when those days come that on and off, we sometimes hate parenting. For over the years, these feelings put me on the edge. I’m just human and I didn’t know this was how it was going to be.
Although parenting is a blessing, it’s a job. As mums and dads, we are completely responsible for these other people 24/7 with no postponement. In fact, as I said that it’s a job, there’s no definite job description about parenting. You have absolutely no idea what to expect when life throws you in any random situations, and if you don’t like it, quitting may be an option but too bad you just can’t.
Because let’s face this, it’s the “I didn’t know I could love someone this much it hurts and consumes my every thought” feeling. So here are the parenting moments I’m talking about. See if it’s also yours.
1. Only being able to watch a movie in 10-minute installments.
Before children, I would watch a movie from start to finish without having to pause, except for perhaps a wee wee break or perhaps to fetch myself some snacks. Now, it seems that when Mummy and Daddy sit down at night to watch a movie, this is time for children to start demanding drinks of water, that their bed isn’t comfy, that their brother is too noisy, or that they just want one more cuddle (that last excuse is the only one that works).
When sitting down recently to watch Game of Thrones, we paused the show 13 times in the first 10 minutes.
2. They wee everywhere BUT the toilet.
I am lucky enough that I have three toilets in my home. One for me (no one shits in my toilet!), one for the boys, and one for hubby, because his bowels are filthy. So you would think with that many toilets, the boys would be content and would be able to get their wee, into said toilet. But no. They like to pee outside, usually right where I hang the clothes. They pee around the toilet. On the wall in the toilet. In the local pool (to test if there really is that chemical that makes your pee go dark blue), and on long trips, in a bottle.
Even my dear husband has been caught on many occasion not using one of the three toilets and will ‘mark his territory’ in the yard. Men – they are gross. Really I should have saved myself some serious cash and just installed the one toilet and perhaps put a bucket and hose in the corner.
3. My children STILL has never eaten a vegetable
If your kids LOVE broccoli and eat up their veggies and enjoy salad, good for you. It has never happened in my household. All the ‘experts’ say that if you keep putting vegetables on their plate at every meal, they will eventually get used to it and will eat it. Well, I’m up to the ninth and tenth year and it still hasn’t happened. I’ve threatened them with scurvy, I’ve told them Santa won’t come, I tell them they will never grow big and strong if they don’t eat their greens. Nothing has worked.
Of course I do hide vegetables in various foods which is moderately successful. But still, the fact that they can’t find their shoes for school yet they can still find a tiny slither of onion in their spaghetti sauce makes me lose faith in humanity.
4. If I vaccinate, I’m a sheep. If I don’t vaccinate, I’m a tree-hugging hippie.
My kids are fully vaccinated. I’m one of those mums that puts the date their next vaccination is due in the diary, will book the appointment in advance and will get their injection on the day. I’m all for it. But the sheer pressure that parents are under for their decision is just nuts! Have you read or seen some of the anti-vaxx Facebook pages out there, those parents really need to have a stiff drink and get some therapy. The nastiness is just terrible.
Me, I’ll back science on this one.
5. When they’re hurt, I’m hurt.
Whether my kids are with me or not, I think about them constantly and it comes to a point that even if I don’t have to worry at all, I sometimes become an annoying mama because I worry about their every need.
This led me to feel guilty thinking that I didn’t do well enough as a mother or doing things for them that’s beyond too much! There are also times that I don’t want to cater to their request or do things like cooking for them. And there were also times that I fantasise of just disappearing from my boys and just quit being a mum…BUT I CAN’T! That’s how I love them so much that it hurts even they drive me insane.
6. I love them but I hate being their mum.
To be honest, I did seriously consider not having kids, but I also like the thought of having one and a family of my own. Years forward, I really did, a loving husband and two lovely boys.
But I’m spilling you this secret of mine: “I love my kids but I hated being a mum”. Shocking right?
I don’t think that I’m just the only one feeling this because let’s all be honest, most mums do! Most especially for young mothers. I won’t be shy spilling the beans out and in fact, even if I did hate of being a mum, I write and speak candidly about my unpleasant thoughts about motherhood.
At this stage, motherhood still overwhelms me. Even if I wanted to be so selfish, there’s no wonderful place in the universe like a loving home. Either way, being their mum and being responsible for them have shaped me into a better person every single day and I’ve become myself because of them.
I’ve also come to realise to accept the fact about our humanness – these mixtures of feelings of guilt, worry, discontentment – these are all just natural. In fact, I can still do all the things I want.
It’s okay to hate parenting sometimes but mums just gotta do it! Besides, it is what propelled me to become who I am today.