In a few days, everyone will celebrate Father’s day.
Everyone is on the hunt for what to get for dad on Father’s Day. My son has asked me a thousand times what we’re doing on Sunday. It’s difficult, especially for Mums with kids like me.
They’re at an age where they’re asking tons of questions and most of those questions…I don’t know the answer to.
How do single mothers fit in all this?
Are we supposed to hide and pretend that we forgot what date it is?
The answer, I guess.. is to embrace it. Whatever the situation is, the only way to survive Father’s Day each year is to face it.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Father’s Day just brings out grief in some of us.
On a day where denial, anger, bargaining and depression smacks us all at once the moment we wake up, it’s hard to find acceptance in it all. It’s like looking for an earring that got lost in a pile of laundry! So hard!
But, if you think about it, acceptance will benefit us more than the other party. Letting go of resentment frees us from poison and pain, even just for a day. Acknowledge those feelings before starting the day and choose to be positive. Starting the day with a good mood will help you be stronger and hopefully we can survive it with flair!
2. Plan Something Fun
A special occasion can be an excuse to cook or bake our favourite foods. Prepare a special breakfast that the kids love and go out for some fun! A day trip to a theme park, a quick visit to the zoo, maybe at a cool playground or watch a show!
3. Food and Family
They say nothing brings people together like good food. It’s true!
So on Father’s Day, I plan to eat lots of delicious food and enjoy it with my own dad and brothers along with their families, too. Your ex isn’t the only father in your life. Organise a family gathering with your children’s granddads and uncles at your home and fill the day with food and laughter. It’s a sure way to pass the time without thinking about anything else.
You can also visit relatives who live hours away if you want. That would be an awesome road trip idea!
4. Be Grateful
Such a cliché, I know.
But, I have resorted to gratefulness because aside from the fact that I have no choice, when I look at my kids, I feel happiness and contentment. I would never have had these kids if it weren’t for their dad. Life is definitely unfair, but my children makes things worth it.
5. Indulge in Some Me Time
It’s important to take care of our well-being every day, especially on special occasions.
The pressure of motherhood – and fatherhood – forces us to become a walking wreck so it’s important to do something that makes us feel good. Whether it’s a favourite movie, getting hair and nails done, reading a book or getting a massage, we have to make sure to de-stress. Get a babysitter for a few hours, grab coffee and show up to that appointment! It’s a date with yourself!
If you want company, invite a single mum friend of yours and de-stress together.
6. Single Mums, Unite!
I survived single parenthood by talking with my single mum friends. Misery loves company, yes. But there are so many ways to NOT spend Father’s Day being miserable! Let’s meet up with single mum friends and spend the day like the single ladies that we are! I’m saying day because I can’t really spend the night out. lol But we can definitely have fun and enjoy.
Dress up, look your best and get out! Your potential lover could be out there and you need to go out and be seen!
7. Dad Time
For kids whose dad has passed away, spend the day to honour their father. Watching videos or looking through old photos will help them remember him. You can also let them draw or write a letter for their dad. A meaningful activity will help them feel calm and happy even in his absence.
Sleepover at Dad’s
I try not to sugarcoat things too much with my children as I want to hold their father accountable for his shortcomings, but still, I try my best to make them feel loved and secure. Be honest with them as much as possible (white lies can never be avoided in my experience) but never bash their father in front of them. Make them understand at their level and encourage them to spend time with their dad especially on Father’s Day. Try to feel genuinely excited for them and don’t get upset as this can make them feel guilty.
Deciding to let my kids spend time with their dad took a lot of effort. But I am a better mother for doing so and I know my kids are grateful, even if they don’t understand the whole situation yet. I would opt not to, but, my kids always come first. So I bite my tongue, clench my teeth and give them a smile while I tell them to have fun. I can also take some time to go out and spend time with my mum friends.
8. Be proud
As the day ends, make sure to recall all your hardships and be proud. Know that you deserve to be honoured this day and if no one else can do it for you, then honour yourself! A small gift as an award will make you feel great about yourself. How about a slice of cake and some ice cream? Or a really good glass of wine to wash out all the bitterness?
I hope this post will comfort anyone who’s in the same boat as I am. Perhaps this can answer the doubts in your heart.
You are enough.
You are important.
You are doing great. Your kids need you and you are doing an awesome job at being a mother and a father.
And on Father’s Day, celebrate YOU.
You, the mum who not only does it all, but also has to be it all.
Honour yourself because you deserve it.