Mornings…With Children

Mornings…With Children. Our missions as mums it to do the following two things:

1. Get the kids clean, dressed, fed and out the door before school starts
2. Not kill them

You’d think it would be simple enough. But if your mornings are anything like my mornings, then this is not a task for the weak minded. It takes persistence, resilience and a whole lotta repeating to get me out that door. And it goes a little something like this….

Morning Routines… in 101 Sentences

6:00 AM

1. Good morning my babies – come cuddle with me in bed.
2. That’s so nice, this has been a wonderful two seconds.
3. No… no kicking mummy in the head.
4. No… no playing hide and seek under the covers
5. Just cuddle; eyes closed; feet down; mouth quiet; time to be still
6. What’s that smell?
7. Okay, time to get up and change the baby
8. I’ll change the baby while you go and get your school clothes on.
9. God… what am I feeding this child?
10. And why are wipes so freaken impossible to pull out of the case?
11. Okay, baby changed and dressed; onto the next task
12. Coffee.
13. Son. Why are you not dressed?
14. You have ten minutes to get your school clothes on. Ten minutes.
15. Okay – make beds; get dressed; brush teeth.
16. Next move?
17. Right… coffee. Boil the jug.
18. Ten minutes is up Kiddo – School clothes. On. Now.
19. TV goes off until school clothes are on.
20. No, you cannot wear your Ugg Boots to school.
21. What was I doing? Coffee. Right. Coffee.
22. And breakfasts.
23. And lunches.
24. But first, coffee.
25. Why is the baby crying?
26. And why does she have bite marks in her leg?
27. Get in your room for a TIME OUT!
28. And get dressed while you’re in there.
29. What do you guys want for breakfast?
30. No. Not bikkies.
31. Your choices are toast or weet bix.
32. Marshmallows is not a choice.
33. Kids? Breakfast. Hello?????
34. Okay, no answer. Weet bix it is.
35. Kids, breakfast is on the table.
36. How come you are still not dressed?
37. As soon as you eat your breakfast you are getting dressed.
38. You don’t like weet bix? You liked it yesterday. And the day before.
39. What do you want instead?
40. Marshmallows is not happening. Just stop.
41. I’ll make you toast.
42. There – two breakfasts. Choose one.
43. Or sit there and whinge.
44. Or throw your cereal on the floor. That will work too.
45. Too early for a drink?
46. Where’s the dog? Let the dog in to clean this mess up.
47. Fuck it. Where’s the Baileys?
48. Okay… breakfast done.
49. NOW GO AND GET DRESSED
50. You are going the wrong way. Your bedroom is that way. And get your backpack while you’re at it.
51. Now, tackle this mess? Or start on lunches?
52. Coffee. Jeez. Focus.
53. Okay. Now lunches.
54. Kids, what do you want for lunches?
55. Why do I even ask? No… no marshmallows.
56. Jam or cheese kids?
57. JAM OR CHEESE???
58. Ugh… why are you still NOT DRESSED.
59. After I finish these lunches I am going to dress you myself.
60. Oh good. You’re dressed.
61. Now, teeth brushed please
62. Shit… almost time to go.
63. KIDS!! TEETH!!
64. I’m getting in the car and leaving in five minutes.
65. Why don’t I hear the water running?
66. Containers. Why are there never any lids for containers in this house?
67. 101 containers. 2 lids. Seriously.
68. Whatever, I’ll just GLAD wrap it.
69. Done.
70. KIDS! Four Minutes.
71. Are your teeth brushed?
72. Are you sure?
73. Let me smell your breath?
74. Nope. Go and brush them properly please.
75. Three Minutes.
76. Okay. Two kids dressed and fed. House is a disaster but not doing too badly. And how many minutes to spare?
77. SHIT!
78. Zero Minutes. Come on come on come on!
79. Everyone in the car.
80. Wait a minute… where’s your other shoe?
81. You are not going to school with only one shoe. Go find it.
82. I don’t know where it is. Where did you leave it last?
83. Ugh… go and put on a different pair then.
84. NO! NOT YOUR UGG BOOTS
85. Okay – kids cleaned, fed, dressed. Lunches made. Backpack on. One child in the car. One child missing.
86. There he is. Okay, in the car. Let’s go. Seatbelt on.
87. Hold up…. Are you wearing underwear?
88. Seriously?
89. Go back inside and put on some jocks.
90. Feral child.
91. Other than one jock-less child, doing pretty good.
92. Here he comes, shirt tucked into underwear.
93. That’s a good sign.
94. Underwear is actually on.
95. Okay, get in your seat. Seatbelt on. Let’s try this again.
96. And we’re off.
97. Only five minutes behind schedule.
98. Still haven’t made that coffee….house is a mess….the dog ate most of the kid’s breakfast…
99. But doing pretty darn good.
100. Successful morning.
101. Now, to just get through school drop off…

 So… what are your mornings like?