10 Straight-up Facts About Erections

8. A Trio Of Delights

Strawberry, mint or triple-choc-hot-fudge-swirl perhaps? No, not quite, unless you’re keen to get super messy with the condiments, but there are actually three types of erections.

• Nocturnal: As you would imagine, these night-time tent-pitchers raise their head during sleep time, only to be followed by their big buddy, morning glory.
• Reflexogenic: These fun-guns are the result of some slap and tickle. Remember these were the ones that rated the largest on the slide rule!!! Get in on the action I say!!!
• Psychogenic: Just thinking, daydreaming, imagining, fantasising or accidentally watching porn will instigate one these types of erections.

7. Night Moves

Males have it in spades when it comes to owning an auto-erect apparatus. Each night, it’s possible for them to have 3-5 visits from Prince Everhard, as they sleep! This is apparently keeping the tissues in the penis oxygenated and, therefore healthy.

I suppose it’s not much considering the possible 11 towel racks (bath sheets, not hand towels I’ve been told) the average man puts up during the day.

In my mind, I’m thinking 15 year old young man, I don’t want to think of the elderly fellow next door hanging towels that often!

6. Post Mortem Possibilities

Okay, that’s a bit yuck, but seriously if the deceased has passed away in a vertical position, the body can be left with an erection. Questionably coined ‘Angel Lust,’ this after-market equipment comes about in the absence of a heartbeat. Gravity takes over and blood accumulates in the legs and once they fill up, some of the blood flows into the penis and makes it expand. So what may seem like sexy thoughts to the very end is actually just science.

5. No Bones About It

Boners do not contain any bones. We’ve been wildly led astray with that particular moniker. Lots of mammals do have a baculum (a bone kept in the abdomen to regulate penis extension) to help them navigate and deliver the goods, but not in the gentleman of our species, it’s all tissue, blood vessels and skin. Still fun, though, right?

4. Solid Scents

Smelling something mouth-watering can have a direct effect on the flow of blood to the penis. Crazy combinations like black licorice and doughnut can see an increase of almost 32%, or pop those doughboys with a pumpkin pie for a 20% spike. The winner of the whiff keeping the wing in the wang, however, is pumpkin pie with lavender, coming in with a solid 40% rise in penile blood flow.

Save some pumpkins from being cut up into stupid tea light holders this Halloween and make them into sex-pie instead.

3. Love You Long Time

Some men endure the unfortunate condition known as ‘Priapism’, which is a prolonged, unwanted and painful erection. These persistent pitchers aren’t usually the result of sexual stimulation and can last for hours at a time. Uncomfortable. Some men take medication to try to achieve an innings of this length, but this is a serious condition. If not treated quickly it can cause tissue damage that may result later in not be able to achieve or maintain an erection at all!

2. Good Things Come

In small packages it seems! Studies have shown that smaller flaccid penises experience a greater increase in length than large ones. So just because it looks like he’s smuggling a budgie and not a pair of rolled up socks, doesn’t mean anything! Except that maybe he has a pet bird in his pants. Gwew.

1. Coming Back Again

A kinky and clever French scientist lined up some guys and gals to have sex in an MRI machine and discovered that the penis is, in fact, boomerang shaped! The top part of the boomerang is tucked up inside the pelvis and doesn’t come out, which is probably a good thing because the last thing men need is another excuse to play with their gear sticks!

Got any other fun names for an erection?

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