Breaking up with someone is never nice especially if you know that the feelings aren’t mutual. If you make the breakup as comfortable as you can for the intended party it will pave the way to a continuing amicable relationship.
Do it person
As much as it is painful to deliver the bad news to your partner you shouldn’t resort to sending a message or calling someone to break up with them. Treat them how you wish to be treated. However, if you feel threatened or scared about their reaction then have someone else present when you speak with them or consider speaking to them over the phone.
Choose your location carefully
Avoid breaking up with someone in a place that is too public like a restaurant, bar, or office, etc. If you are going to do it at home then consider if neighbours can hear or whether they will feel comfortable there. Make sure that your children are not around pick a time when they are out or have someone look after them. Consider taking a walk somewhere together along the beach, around the park, or somewhere scenic but away from people.
Be sensitive of their feelings
It’s never a great feeling to be dumped so treat your partner with some sensitivity when you tell them your reasons for ending it. Always be honest about what has happened and what has lead you to the decision, but avoid upsetting them unnecessarily. Consider what you are going to say before you speak to them. And never use the line ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ it just won’t cut it.
Breakups can be messy, especially if you have been in a long-term relationship, you are married, and/or you have had children together. It not uncommon for arguments to ensue and for voices to be raised. As the one leading the discussion try to remain calm and avoid shouting at your partner. Keep it as civilised as you can as you don’t want to end a relationship with bad feeling.
Let them talk
If you have been in a long-term relationship or marriage then the break up has probably been on the cards for a while and you may have even been trying to work out your differences. When the time comes to breakup make sure that you let your partner have their say and try not to interrupt or argue with their points. You may be surprised about what they have to say and might see a way to stay together.
Make sure they are the first to know
You should always tell your partner that you want to breakup before you tell anyone else, as you don’t want them to hear it from elsewhere. If you need to confide in a best friend or parent then at least make sure you partner is aware that a breakup could be on the cards and swear them to absolute secrecy. Tell your partner your feelings and make sure you are absolutely sure before you deliver the final blow.
Never cut them off
Some people choose to end a relationship and ask that person to keep away from them. But who is that better for you or them? Asking for no contact might seem like a good idea at the beginning but ending it in this way can cause unnecessary hurt. Maybe consider keeping a distance but leave a line of communication open, as you never know you might end up good friends. If you have kids together keeping an amicable relationship will be better for them too.
Don’t go back and forth
If you are sure that the breakup is the right decision for you then stick with it and don’t be tempted back. If you take them back but then decide to break it off again you are only causing more hurt and pain to both parties. Write down the reasons why you made the decision and look back over them if you feel tempted to go back. If you kids are caught up in a relationship that goes back and forth then it can cause confusion and upset for them.
Be practical about finances
If you are held together financially, for example mortgage, kids, loans, then talk this through as soon as you can. Don’t drag out the inevitable by not dealing with the big stuff like shared finances. It will make things easier in the long-run as dealing with it in the beginning when it’s fresh will create less stress further down the track. Come up with a plan of how you are going to do it or better still seek professional financial help.
Prepare to be hated
If the breakup isn’t a mutual decision then your partner’s feelings are going to be hurt for a long while. Ride with it and take on the burden of feeling like the bad guy or girl. Over time the situation will get better as their feelings heal and they start to move on from the relationship. Keep the communication lines open, try to remain friends, and let go of any bitterness.