5 Tips On How To Support A Separated Friend

Divorce and separation rates haven’t really skyrocketed in the past few decades, despite what you might have been told.

But interestingly, the number of people divorcing after 20 years of marriage has increased.

What exactly is breaking up these longer-term relationships, we may never know.

But what we do know is although there is a lot of great information on the web about how to get through a separation, there isn’t enough on how to support someone going through one.

So, what can you really do if your friend is going through a separation?

Well, it’s a surprisingly large amount…

1. Have Patience and Be Supportive

Your support can have such a big difference on your friend during this difficult time. In many cases, couples may reconcile a number of times before they eventually separate, or choose to stay together.

As a friend, the best thing you can do is be patient with your friend as they sort out their feelings.

One way to look at this is that when they hate their partner, so too should you commiserate, but when they love their partner, you should support those feelings without making them feel like they are wrong.

2. Learn About Grief

In any separation, there will be a number of emotions causing havoc within your friend’s mind. Many of these emotions can be tied to the grief that they’re feeling about the ‘death’ of their relationship, and possibly of their family unit.

So do your friend, and yourself, a favour and learn about the different stages of grief.

This article by Psychology Today is a useful resource for both you and your friend, and it can help you figure out where they stand, and how they can deal with their experience.

3. Be Proactive With Support

It can be hard to ask for help, even from friends. During a separation, your friend might not come up to you and say: I need you to help me. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t.

So, be the force of proactivity in your friendship by calling them up, and inviting them out.

Don’t be vague, be specific: I’ll be at your house at 8pm so we can go to this movie. You want to encourage them to get out and about, instead of sulking in the dark.

4. Be There During Custody Visits

If your friend is separated and has children, it’s highly likely that some kind of custody handover will be a part of their future.

For parents who have never experienced this before, it can be a shock to be suddenly at home without any of your children.

As a friend, it can really help for you to be a distraction or source of entertainment while the kids are with their other parent. Take them out with some friends, go for a walk, or invite them over to your house for dinner. It all helps.

5. Use Your Circles

If you’re part of a circle of mutual friends, mums or dads, the time to call in those folks is right now.

It can be hard to get back to normal after a separation, and shouldering the responsibility is a lot for one person to take.

So although you might be the initiator, bring your other friends into the fold. Drop off some meals, create a play date calendar if your friend is dealing with the realities of single parenting and generally offer support. It isn’t something that needs to be done forever, but in the first few months of a separation, it is so helpful.

In the end, the thing to remember about supporting someone through separation is that relationship breakdown is not contagious.

For many couples, the separation of a close friend can help motivate them to work on their own relationship more.

But in any case, worrying that your own relationship will collapse is no reason not to help a friend in their time of need.

How did you support a separated friend?