Is being a fun mum making me a bad wife? Can you balance both?
I am a full time stay-at-home mum. And, not to toot my own horn here, but I reckon I am alright at it. My kids are happy and we do all sorts of fun stuff.
As a full time SAHM, I am rocking it.
But, as a stay-at-home wife, well, let’s just say my husband is getting the raw end of the deal here. Why?
Because being a good mum is full on. And after a day of being awesome, there really isn’t much awesomeness left in me. So hubby gets the overtired, stressed and villainous woman formally known as his wife.
Last night, I took a step back and thought about what he actually sees. Keep in mind, he only sees a glimpse of reality, but this glimpse, well, it ain’t pretty.
Here is what he misses:
The Fun Mum
Husband works hard and he misses out on the day-time stuff. He misses out on the chatter and the creativity and he misses out on all the messes in between. He doesn’t see me when I’m fuelled up on coffee and actually fun.
He misses out on the trips to the zoo, the rides to the park, the outings to the waterslides, the treks to the beach. He misses out on the mega block castles, the baking extravaganzas, the colour championships, the movie marathons. He misses out on Fun Mum.
But being super fun takes a lot out of Fun Mum. And Fun Mum usually leaves the house and transforms into the Dragon Lady, just in time for hubby to walk through the door.
And this is what hubby sees:
The Dragon Lady
When husband walks through the door, she normally grunts in his general direction and continues on with her duties. Then, the kids will fight. Or the water will boil over. Or the dog will track mud into the house. And Dragon Lady erupts, tramping around the house, spitting fire and destroying anything in her way.
Dragon Lady eventually calms down after she gets some dinner in her and once the kitchen has been cleaned, the kids have been bathed and the stories have been read, it’s quiet and peaceful time. But by then, Fun Mum is long gone and even the Dragon Lady is absolutely beat and usually not really in the mood to do much but stare at the TV. The Blank Stare, not really watching, just staring, blanking out. Hubby could be talking to her. Who knows?
But that’s not all. Nope. Because we haven’t covered mornings yet. Mornings, when Tired Troll is on duty. Tired Troll, usually still groggy from the night of up/down/up/down, Mum I’m scared/Mum I need you/Mum/Mum/Mum/Mummmmmmmmm, is snoring beside him, wearing an ultra-attractive onesie and usually with a child (or two) on top of her head. Tired Troll is without makeup, without hair gel (helllllooooo crazy hair!), without deodorant, without mouthwash. Hubby tiptoes out the door, careful not to wake the sleeping monster, because the Tired Troll is even worse when she is awake.
The Weekend Wife
Then we’ve got the weekends, where things are definitely calmer and I usually transform into some semblance of a good wife. But Weekend Wife is pretty busy with birthdays, barbeques and planning for the next week.
Weekend Wife is Fun Mum’s equally fun sister and in between doing things with the kids, there isn’t much time for much else. Weekend Wife is usually in and out the door every hour, pausing only to put the baby down for a nap and to shove some food in her face. Weekend Wife is more of a mirage than anything else.
“Sorry hubby, but the kids took all my energy today so you get this angry tired monster instead.”
So there we have it. Is it possible to still be a fun mum and a cool, loving, carefree wife as well? Yes it is, with balance. Balance – that magical word.
But it doesn’t have to be a myth or so I’ve been told. Finding that balance between a good mum and a good wife takes time and effort, so I’ve been told. I clearly don’t have the answers or advice for you.
But these articles might help: