The World’s Most Bat Shit Crazy Break Up Stories
Relationship break-ups bring out the worst in all of us…. And I’m sure all of us have a few crazy arse stories of weird and bad shit we have done post break-up. A few people have shared their crazy stories on the internet – so go grab some popcorn and see if these stories are as crazy as yours!
Get Em, Max!
“I was dating a ridiculously hot yet bat shit crazy knife enthusiast chick (we’ll call her Kate) and she had an awesome Alaskan husky (Max) who was 4 years old, this dog loved attention. I was walking with her and Max when I stopped and told her “I love you but you’re emotionally and mentally abusive, we should break up” (exact quote). As I was walking away I hear “Max attack him”, I quickly turn around to see Max walk over and sit next to me (she was very abusive to everything). At this point she got furious and grabbed a razor sharp balisong that she always carried with her and ran at me. She gets within 3 feet before Max bit her leg. she fell to the ground and she was reaching for her knife getting ready to stab max when I stop and disarm her. By now there is a large group around and I feel a large hand on my shoulder, I turn around to see a police officer say “I’ll take it from don’t worry I saw everything”.
Anyway after months of investigating and police work, she was arrested for animal cruelty, possession of a deadly weapon, and attempted murder. And yes I got to keep Max, He is 6 years old and very hyper.“
“I used to date this one girl who was five kinds of batshit insane. Not only was she a compulsive liar, bipolar, ADHD without medication (because she didn’t like taking them), but she was also a horrible, horrible person.
She had pet fish in an aquarium, and after we’d dated for a while she bought some new fish and named one of them after me. Couple of weeks later we break up.
Fast forward a week, I get an email. From my Emosaurus Ex. It was an email without any text, but it had a picture. A picture of the fish named after me, impaled on a fork.
Edit: Don’t stick your dick in crazy.”
She Left Him, Dead, Lying At My Front Door
“In my mid-20s I had been dating a girl seriously for almost a year. We were watching a movie in my townhouse one night, and she was acting really weird, kind of distant and standoffish, which was very unlike her normal behavior. As it started to get late she told me she had to go back to her apartment, which was also unusual since she typically stayed at my place several nights a week, and certainly if we were hanging out late at night. But I told her goodbye, and didn’t think that much of it. The next morning I went to feed my dog, who pretty much lived in the backyard during the nice times of the year, but he was nowhere to be found. I knew he wiggled under the fence sometimes, and although I had made efforts to patch up/chicken wire the weak spots he would still sometimes find a way to get out. So I went to the front door, figuring he might be out in the neighborhood somewhere. As I opened the front door, I was greeted by the site of my dead dog on the porch, with a note from my girlfriend saying she was breaking up with me and sorry about the dog. Apparently in her haste to get away from me the night before she had accidentally run over poor Jonny Johnson, who had been lying behind her car in the driveway.
So, yeah. Pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.”
If You Don’t Want My Love, You Don’t Get To Eat
“I dated this one guy who was extremely emotional and super attached. We only dated maybe a month and I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to end it. At the time I worked in a large shopping mall and he would meet me after work in the parking lot.
Well we were sitting in his car and I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. Being the super emotional person he was he began to cry hysterically and was banging his head on the headrest in the car. He yelled how I was such a horrible person and wanted to know how I could “break his heart like this”. He abruptly stopped crying looked me square in the eyes while he picked up the McDonalds food he bought & rolled down the window and said “If you don’t want my love, you don’t get to eat” and threw the bag out the window. (He stared with glaring eyes the whole time) I am never at a loss for words but this time I was truly speechless.”
I Got a Barbecue Thrown Through My Bedroom Window
“This girl I dated in high school for over a year was all kinds of manipulative/crazy. I finally broke up with her after she cheated on me, in her room at her house (so I could leave rather than try to get her to). When I said it, without even thinking about it, she grabbed her jewelry box and chucked it at her window. The glass shattered, and she started grabbing chunks of broken glass and throwing them at me. Two hit me: one in the shoulder, one grazed my face. I ran from that house and made a point to avoid her at all costs at school. After she found out that I had told people about the encounter, she went even crazier, and came to my house in the middle of the night with a friend who threw a fucking barbecue through my bedroom window. That resulted in police action, which I found hilarious later.”
I’m Still With That Loser
“I saw my ex at a party. He turned to me and said, when are you going to break up with that loser and come back to me? it had been 3 years.
That loser and I are going on 25 years of marriage.”
I Wouldn’t Give Him My Virginity
“My first boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t give him my virginity, then begged me to take him back, got me drunk and persuaded me to “let him do it,” and then dumped me because I was bad in bed.”
Awkward Meeting at the Cinema
“When she was being a little weird when I asked if she wanted to hang out and said nah she was busy. Didn’t think much of it until I went to hang with my friends instead, and we went to the movies, and saw her there with another guy.”
We Broke Up Over The Loud Speaker
“I was engaged and went away for the summer to work at a school in Central America. The whole time, I tried to call my fiance’, but we only connected a few times.
On the day I returned, I had a layover in Houston on my way back to Portland. While sitting at my terminal, I was paged over the intercom to pick up the nearest white courtesy phone. So, I ambled over and was connected…and it was my fiancé’…paging me, at the airport, to tell me he couldn’t pick me up in Portland because he’d fallen in love with another woman.
Our airport break-up was the last time I spoke to him…”
“I dated a girl for one day. She broke up with me because in her words I was immortal. I’m pretty certain she was going for immoral but hey you take what you can get.”
No Soup for You!
“I broke up with a girl who pronounced ‘ketchup’ as ‘cats-up’
My friends refer to it as my “Seinfeld Breakup”
“My highschool girlfriend broke up with me because I made a “ahh” sound after taking a sip of a drink. I didn’t do it on purpose and I guess it was just a sound I made subconsciously because the sip made me so refreshed. One day I took a sip and ahh’d, and she just snapped and said she couldn’t handle it anymore. I asked her why she just didn’t tell me she didn’t like it when I did that, and she said she would shrug or give me a dirty look when I did it and I should have picked up on her dis-satisfaction. Look lady, i’m enjoying my sip of cola here, i’m not looking around during it.”
Not Manly Enough!
“I did too much stuff around the house like dishes and cooking. She broke up with me and said “I want a man who does manly things, not a woman cooks and cleans.”
I know right… How dare I cook healthy stuff for her kids a few nights a week because otherwise she’d pump them full of McDonald’s.
A few weeks later her car broke down and she called me because she knew I could fix it.
I laughed hysterically at the irony of it. Told her, “Sorry love I’m just too busy baking cakes and painting my nails over here.”
Moral of the story is chores don’t have gender association. What needs to be done just needs to be done and you’re no less manly because dishes and cooking need to be done more frequently than the car needs service.”