Sometimes in life, relationships just don’t pan out.
You might not be compatible, the timing might not be right, they might turn out to be a mega-douche, or you just don’t have the same goals in life and it will never work.
Maybe, however, the one area that it did work was in the bedroom. Perhaps the action in the sheets was the best part of the relationship, perhaps it was part of the overall package. For some women, the sex that comes next with new partners can be quite “meh”.
It could explain why 38% of women surveyed by adult website Lovehoney have admitted they had the best sex of their lives in a previous relationship than with their current lover while just 29% of men think their best sex was with an ex.
It can be extremely hard for many women to reach orgasm, so having sex with someone who knows how to press your buttons, of course, is going to rocket them to top of the list when thinking back on things. But of course, there’s so much more to sex than orgasms: it’s about intimacy, connection and expressing love.
Perhaps it can be like looking through rose-coloured glasses for many women who are thinking about their exes. Yeah, he might have been able to give you the big O, but was he a two-timing manchild? Or was he ‘the one who got away”?
What do real women say?
To determine why women are thinking about their exes, I decided to ask the ladies on Ask SAHM if they ever fantasised about having sex with their exes. And if so, does their current partner know?
One commenter said that she has a friend who always compares her new lovers to an ex:
“I do however have a friend who constantly has fantasies about her ex. No matter who she is with or what she is doing, she remembers the best sex of her life with that ex (and she gets a lot of sex!) She puts it down to chemistry.
She said even when they went out and did completely non sexual activities – that the chemistry left only one thing in her mind. Something she hadn’t experienced with anyone else!”
Another revealed that she has dreams of her ex even though she doesn’t like him:
“He pops into my dreams far too often. But I don’t like him as a person at all. I would never tell hubby.”
This woman admitted she fantasised about her ex as he was in the distant past, not how he is now:
“I fantasise about my first. It was 13 years ago. I was 17. He was really really hot and we stayed in contact for years. Even through all my old boyfriends we still spoke. Then I met my husband and he fell away. I recently looked him up on Facebook and discovered he looks nothing like he used to. Very disappointing. So I trolled my old computer to find old pictures of him instead.
I always dream/fantasise about people who aren’t my husband, not when I’m with him though. When we are together it’s all about him. It helps that he’s also incredibly good looking lol. A fantasy is harmless. I wouldn’t care if my husband fantasised about other women, as long as he doesn’t tell me lol. I’m sure he does because I’m not very attractive at all. He is WAY out of my league.”