Mother’s Day is here again.
And this year, rather than endure the annual dressing gowns and fluffy slippers, I thought I would make some tactful suggestions on what I would really love to get to have a perfect Mother’s Day.
1. A sleep in.
To sleep in past 5 am without being woken up by little boy’s requests to urinate, defecate, story-create or intervene in a small scale domestic disturbance. Past 5 am, please, just once.
2. Nothing pink.
No more pink! I hate pink, I’ve always hated pink. Please, please, don’t buy me anything pink. Consider this house a pink-free zone. I would take brown over pink. Even a bird poo brown.
3. No takeaway.
I would love a meal on Mother’s Day that doesn’t come from a takeaway shop. I don’t expect a nine-course degustation menu, hell I’ll have bacon and eggs for dinner, even a bowl of cereal as long as you have cooked it or made it yourself. Takeaway is cheating! Get your butt into the kitchen and make me some pie!
4. A ‘still hot’ cup of tea or coffee.
How I would love to drink a whole cup of tea before it gets cold — in one sitting — without having to microwave it. I can drink it really, really fast. Just let it be hot.
5. A bicker-free zone.
Tranquility. Although I think asking for world peace would be easier. For one whole day, I would love my house to be a ‘no fighting or bickering zone’. I don’t care who flushed whose Lego down the toilet, I don’t care if your brother filled you bed full of sand, I don’t care who hit who and started it first, is it too much to ask for a ceasefire for just 24hrs? They do it in the actual war zones!
6. Go food shopping — alone.
I’d like to go grocery shopping alone. Yes of course I’d love to spend all day with my family, and I will, but just give me one hour’s peace. I can leave and do the grocery shopping at the same time kills two birds with one stone.
7. A practical — not pretty gift.
Last year, my husband bought me a gurney for Mother’s Day — a cross between a power tool and a cleaning implement. It was ingenious. I know HE wanted a gurney but it’s all mine. And I shall gurney all day. Even the word is great. Gurney. Plus the addictively satisfying feeling of power whilst waving my magic water pressure wand in the air getting all the dirt and grot off the house and the clean lasts for more than 10 minutes. I could gurney all day. I’ll have another present like that please!
8. Shower by myself.
I would love to have a shower on my own. One shower. It seems when Mum is trapped in a glass cubicle with no escape, this is the time to sit right outside that cubicle and ask Mum all those pressing questions that Dad avoids — ‘Where do babies come from’, ‘But HOW do they get into your tummy?’ ‘Do you have a baby in your tummy now?’ ‘How does it get out?’ — GAHHH, go ask your father!
9. A good book.
I’d really love a good book for Mother’s Day. Something I can enjoy at the end of a hard day. No I don’t want the Biography of Tommy Lee or a book on Ferrari’s. I also don’t want Mills and Boon or Twilight (got them already). Just pick something from Oprah’s bookclub (I’m sure it will still be online somewhere…). I’m sure I’ll love it.
Lastly, I may get it every day, but the love, kisses and cuddles I get on Mother’s Day has that little extra something that only a mother would understand. There is nothing better than those special handmade gifts, cards and poems, given with such huge pride and love by your little ones, as they try so very hard to give you the very best Mother’s Day, usually forgetting that it’s supposed to be all about you.