Ladies, ladies! Isn’t it time to come together and admit to that all-embarrassing sound that comes out of each and every one of you?
Queefing, the Robin Williams Special, Cutting the Beef, the Queefy Blowback, the Queef Fajita, the Vart, the Sandpaper Grandma.
What do they all mean?
I can almost sense you squirming in your seats now because you know the squelching custard sound that I’m referring to. The cousin to the bum farts, which I’m sure you all rarely do as well, the FANNY FART! Or you might have heard it called queefing? I can almost hear that little embarrassed snigger escape from you, but that’s not the only thing that escapes from you is it?
That’s right. Every woman’s curtains blow in the breeze from time to time, some more windy than others.
Yet it’s a sound that seems to feel the need to escape at the most in-opt times, which can cause great embarrassment. Lots of women say it happens to them when changing positions while having sex, mainly from doggy style to missionary, as you move your body and there it goes a Big Squelch sound that resembles Jabba the Hut in Star Wars.
What do you do? Blame the Wookie? (Sorry still stuck on Star Wars).
Burst into laughter? Make light of the need your vagina has from time to time to be heard? Or ignore it. Hope they never heard?
Just don’t try to cover it with a cough, chances are it will raise your excitement with another puff through those lips.
Sex isn’t the only time though your other lips will want to speak – lots of women report an increase in fanny farts after they have had their children, damn those kids!
Wasn’t it enough they stretched my belly?!
Just fluffing around *coughs*, performing day to day tasks and there she blows.
A friend of mine says it happens to her while she’s shopping. She’s now reluctant to buy things from the bottom shelf. I also know someone who can fanny fart on demand, a special talent she possesses, and does get a immature giggle when she ‘pops’ out her party trick.
So what can you do to stop these little V puffs? Well apparently…exercise, and no – you don’t need to take your vagina to the gym.
Pelvic floor exercises are recommend to help, where you tighten your pelvic floor muscles holding for ten seconds, then release.
I bet you all subconsciously squeezed your self together then!
If you can’t seem to locate your pelvic floor, try an easier option; kegel balls.
No, it’s not a special move – they are silicone balls you insert into the vagina to help strengthen the muscles and have been known to give a nice orgasmic sensation.
You wear them as you go about your everyday tasks, maybe even with a smile on your face.
I also read using lubrication during sex causes less friction, trapping less air, if that helps?
Take heart and remember that you are not alone with your fanny farts, woman all shapes and sizes are out there pumping out the Victory Honk during the day.
So, in the words from Moby Dick “Thar She Blows”.